LW Not Ready to Dine Out with Family

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My family has been blessed so far in not having any of us infected by the coronavirus, and I really want to keep it that way. We have not so much as had takeout from our favorite local restaurant while they were only offering curbside pick-up. Now they are open for a few hours a day, with only a limited number of tables available.

Our parents’ anniversary is in a couple of weeks, and my mom and dad want us to all go out to celebrate at the restaurant. There are six in our family, so we would be allowed a table, but I am so scared we will come home with the virus. I do not get why my mom and dad will not wait until we know it is completely safe to eat out again. Is it wrong for me to ask them to do that? --- NERVOUS DAUGHTER

DEAR NERVOUS DAUGHTER: Your desire to be cautious is completely understandable, and you should share your concerns with your parents, if you haven’t yet.

Since we’re in fairly unchartered territory with this virus, a lot is being played by ear, working with the best information available at the time decisions are being made. I would hope and guess the reopening of restaurants in your area is being closely regulated and monitored, but if you feel uncomfortable about venturing out at this point, then maybe your folks will consider postponing their special dinner. After all, it doesn’t seem likely it will be a very enjoyable event for you if you’re tense and worried the whole time you should be celebrating.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: As I was taking out the trash the other night, I ran into an old flame in the lobby of my building. Even though we have not seen each other in years, it was still awkward, especially because things did not end well with us. He could not stop lying to me about big stuff, little stuff, and pretty much every time he opened his mouth.

When he told me he was moving into my building, I didn’t know if I should believe him or not, but I saw his name on a mailbox, so I guess he was telling the truth — for once.

I truly have no love left for this man, but I cannot entirely get past my loathing of him. I do not want him to have the satisfaction of seeing me get rattled when we meet, as we are sure to do. There is a decent gym in the building, and the older units, like mine, have not had washers and dryers installed yet. Besides myself, I know some of my friends will s##t a brick when they see him. One in particular hated him from the get-go.

How do I bump into this guy without letting him know he still drives me nuts? --- FUTURE BAD NEIGHBOR

DEAR FUTURE BAD NEIGHBOR: Why let him see he still gets your blood boiling, and not in a good way? Simply smile whenever you see him. Be polite, brief, and don’t allow him to start any conversations. Fill your friends in on the plan.

You were there first, and you should clearly demonstrate that as far as you’re concerned, he’s as important to you as the lobby wallpaper.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend and I have been together for over two years, and even though we have separate apartments, we are usually at her place or mine every night. She comes from a strict family, headed up by her old school father, who can’t even imagine his little girl is having sex, much less practically living with a man “in sin.” So, whenever her family comes over to her place, we have to hide all my stuff and I can never be there when they arrive. I can get there later, but not before we go through this whole charade.

I love my girlfriend, and we have talked about getting married, but it really bugs me that I have to disappear to please her family. Is this an overreaction? --- THE INVISIBLE MAN

DEAR INVISIBLE MAN: Well, that depends. You don’t mention if you’ve ever discussed this situation with your girlfriend, so let’s figure you have. If you haven’t, that’s the first step you should strongly consider taking. It’s unlikely she’s clueless about the position her wanting to conceal the nature of your relationship puts you in.

After laying your cards on the table, be considerate of her position too. Most likely, she doesn’t want to hurt her parents and cause a rift in the family. If you’re seen as the reason she and her family are at odds, what does that do to how you’re viewed by her parents, especially as a prospective son-in-law?

Talk it through with your girlfriend, and choose your battle wisely. Either you offend her family now and put your girlfriend in a difficult place, or bide your time and see what the longer-term bodes.