DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Back when my daughter was a teenager, she and I had a rough time. She lived with her mom mostly, and I got her some weekends, holidays, and a couple weeks each summer. On one of these summer visitations, she decided to try and run off with her boyfriend. I guess she figured Dad was clueless, but she was surprised. When I stopped her, we had a blowup that ended with her being picked up by her mom. That was the last time she ever wanted to spend time with me.

Even back then, my ex-wife agreed with me over stopping our daughter from making a huge mistake. By the time school started again that fall, she and the guy had split up, and she went on to marry a bright and decent man.

My daughter is now in her late 20s and recently had her first child, my one and only grandchild. Since the failed elopement at 16, she has wanted nothing to do with me, which I’ve tried to learn to live with, because I am convinced to this day that I did the right thing in stopping her. Now, I never see my grandson, unless it’s at a family gathering organized by my ex-wife, who has always supported my efforts to remain in our daughter’s life.

It tears me up that not only did I lose my daughter, but now my grandson, because over 10 years ago, I did what was best for my daughter.

Is it worth continuing this fight, or do I just settle with a few occasional glimpses of my grandson? --- PUSHED AWAY DAD

DEAR PUSHED AWAY DAD: You were willing to lose the affection of your daughter to prevent her from making what you considered an incredibly bad decision. That tells me you’re a brave and caring father. I think it’s absolutely worth it to keep on taking advantage of what opportunities you have to be with your family, especially since your ex is in your corner.

Becoming a parent has a funny way of changing the way you look at life. In time, your daughter may come around and understand why you did what you did.

Cheap Fares Tempt Delayed Honeymooners

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When we got married nearly two years ago, my wife and I had to put our honeymoon on hold because of finances and the lack of PTO. Right now, both of us have been furloughed and with some money saved up, we think it could be the time to take advantage of the cheap airfares and travel somewhere for a few days as a delayed honeymoon.

We do feel a little guilty about traveling now, but this is an opportunity that may not come around for a long time again once we are back to work. Are we thinking wrong here? --- STILL WAITING FOR OUR HONEYMOON

DEAR STILL WAITING ON OUR HONEYMOON: I can see the temptation to make the most of your hiatus and cheap fares, but it seems like a risky venture, at best, especially if you’re travelling to and/or from areas currently in lock-down.

Stay put and keep yourselves and others safer. Once you get back to work, save your time and your money, and make plans for a honeymoon when life is less uncertain.

Should Family Attend Wedding When They Disapprove of Groom?

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Our daughter is 30 and in a relationship with a man 36, whom she plans to marry. He comes from a family of 5 boys ages 25-37 and none of them is married.

In the beginning he was not very open about his financial and employment status. Over time we found out that he had a part time job, was given a car, lived with his brother without paying rent, his parents paid his car insurance, and basically provided for him financially.

Out of concern for our daughter and her future, we pressured her to require him to get full time employment. Although he has a college degree, it took months to find a job that he wanted. He was not happy that we were advising our daughter to look out for her future, so they rarely came over or attended family functions.

In November he came to speak to my husband to ask for permission to marry our daughter. Although we had concerns, my husband agreed and offered to pay for their wedding.

On Christmas Eve he showed up to our annual extended family gathering drunk and got mad at my mother for not expressing enough gratitude for the gift he bought her. He refused to come over after that because he is “just so hurt.”

In January my daughter was going to move into a little house that we have to rent. He kept giving reasons why he couldn’t help her move, but finally agreed on a date he would help. On the day she was to move he never showed up. At that point my husband and I withdrew our offer to pay for the wedding. He asked for her ring back and immediately signed back up on a dating site looking for a mate. He told her she would have to choose him or us.

She has chosen him and plans to marry him on the beach. We have kept the door open by texting and calling. Next month they plan to move in together and get married in June. She has indicated that she wants to be treated like and adult.

There are so many red flags that we cannot support this marriage. Our family has decided that if invited we will not attend the wedding although my daughter has indicated that she planned to invite us.

Are we doing the right thing? --- KNOW THIS MARRIAGE IS A MISTAKE

DEAR KNOW THIS MARRIAGE IS A MISTAKE: I’m glad you and your daughter have remained in touch. It makes me think her fiancé hasn’t entirely won the “them or me” scenario he forced on your daughter.

I’m of the opinion that at least your immediate family should consider attending the wedding. For one thing, it’ll let your daughter know you don’t choose to use her as a pawn in a powerplay, as her future husband already did when he issued his ultimatum.

Another advantage to showing up is that if things fall apart with the marriage, your daughter may feel more certain of a welcome back into your family circle, and less inclined to stay in a bad situation if she knows she has people in her corner who truly care about her happiness.