life

Second Wife Tires of Comparisons to Predecessor

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 24th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband and I have only been married less than a year. He was married before, to his high school sweetheart, but after she dumped him for a coworker, he was pretty busted up. We met two years after the divorce was final, and he moved into my place while we were engaged.

I think I’m a pretty neat and organized person, but I always get the feeling that I’m never neat or organized enough for my husband. If I do something differently from the way his ex did, he finds a way to slip it in his comments to me, and it makes me feel like I never do anything right. Do you agree that he should let me do things my way, and not her way? --- DON’T LIKE BEING COMPARED

DEAR DON’T LIKE BEING COMPARED: It sounds as if your husband may not be completely over his first wife. If you haven’t already spoken to him about his habit of comparing you to her, then you need to as soon as you can. It’s up to you to remind him she’s no longer the one he’s married to, and you’re the one sharing a home with him — especially since it was your home first.

Marriage & Divorce
life

New Parents Overwhelmed by Too Much Help

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 20th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: We just had our first baby, and for the first few weeks, while I was recovering from a c-section, it was great having both my and my husband’s parents around to help.

Now that I’m completely recovered and wanting to take over from here, all our helpers are still hanging around — as in all the time.

I really do appreciate their wanting to do what they can, but it’s gotten to the point where I’m practically not even allowed to take care of my own baby.

Is there something wrong with me that I don’t want all this around-the-clock help? --- HAD ENOUGH HELP

DEAR HAD ENOUGH HELP: In many ways you’re fortunate to have so much support in these early, often exhausting days of parenthood. But I can understand where it could get to be too much, and your growing nuclear family needs time to get used to your new life.

One way to find some middle ground might be to assign specified shifts to your helpful family members to stop by for their part of pitching in. A few hours a week would give you a little break and afford them not only a chance to help, but also affirmation that you appreciate what they’re so happy to do for you. Besides, like most newly-minted grandparents your folks need their grandbaby fix.

Family & Parenting
life

Summer Camp Job Pays Less, Rewards More

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 19th, 2020

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: For the past three years I have worked at an out-of-state summer camp that pays little, but provides me with a job I love and experience in my future profession of teaching.

This year, I’m getting heat from my parents to take an internship closer to home that pays more, but has absolutely nothing to do with my chosen field. How do I get them to understand why I want to pick my own summer job? --- PREFER TO BE A CAMP COUNSELOR

DEAR PREFER TO BE A CAMP COUNSELOR: It seems you have a pretty good argument stated in your letter. You see the counselor gig as an investment in your future. So long as it isn’t costing you more than you’re making in travel and expenses, hopefully you’re coming away with some money by the time you head home.

However, don’t entirely discount your parents’ concerns. If they’re counting on you to pitch in towards the cost of your education, then you need to keep that in the balance when you make your final decision about how to spend your summer.

Family & ParentingMoneyWork & School

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