DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know people love to start these letters with how much they love their in-laws, and then here comes the “but.” I’m going to dive in and say my mother-in-law is a major PIA, has always been, and will always be.

My wife and I will set a room up in our own house the way we want it, and when my MIL comes to visit, she’ll tell us how wrong it is and make us change it. I’ve always thought my wife is a little afraid of her mom, so she does just about everything she’s told to do by her.

Even if I can’t stand her mother, I do love my wife and want to make her happy, but I’m about to boil over if her mother plays boss of our home one more time.

How do I warn my wife without making her miserable that I’m about to go to war with her mother? --- THE BAD SON-IN-LAW

DEAR THE BAD SON-IN-LAW: If you never push back, your mother-in-law will likely continue to believe you agree with her ideas.

Your home belongs to your wife and you, and it should be made to your order. But you need to be sure your wife feels this way too. She may have more confidence in her mother’s choices than her own, and that makes you the odd man out. The only way you’ll know for sure is to tell your wife how you’re feeling. Your continued resentment isn’t going to do anyone any good. If you have your wife in your corner, it may be time to let your mother-in-law know you two are happy with how you arrange things. You don’t need to go to war or even make it a nasty moment, and you don’t want to put your wife in a “it’s either him or me” position with her mother. Hopefully, your unified, firm but gentle insistence that you want things left alone may put her nose out of joint for a bit, but at least it’ll also give her the idea you guys are more than ready, willing, and able to take charge of your home — if that is indeed the case.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am very close to both sets of my grandparents, actually, all three, if you count my stepmom’s parents, who have been in my life since I was nine. Since I joined the air force, I have been sent to training all over the country, and have at least another six months on my current overseas tour.

Right after I got here, my mom told me her parents weren’t doing so well, and then my stepmother’s father had bypass surgery that wasn’t as successful as they hoped it would be, although he is doing better now.

I know these are all things that happen to people as they get older, but I’m having a hard time not being closer to home to visit and help, if I could, with the care of my grandparents. I haven’t said much to my parents, because I think it would put more pressure on them knowing how unhappy being away from home is making me right now, but I really want them to know I care and would be there if I could.

Do I say something, or suck it up until I can get leave and head home? --- AWAY FROM HOME BLUES

DEAR AWAY FROM HOME BLUES: Your service to your country is something in which you and your family should rightfully take pride. As hard as it is for you to be away from those you love during challenging times, it’s part of the military life package.

Until you can be with them again, take full advantage of phone calls, video chats, texts, and emails. Once in a while, sit down and put pen to paper, the old-fashioned way, and send letters to those you love and miss. Having something that you’ve actually held in your hands gives your distant loved ones something of you that they can hold onto. Telling them about what’s going on in your life might make those back home also feel a little less distant from you.

Don’t be shy about letting your folks know you’d be there if you could. It might give you all comfort to be open about how you’re feeling. And don’t miss a chance to tell them how much you love them, and they mean to you.

A little mushy can go a long way to soothe sore hearts.

Finally, don’t suffer in silence. There may be a number of people in place right where you’re posted that are trained to help service members over rough patches. You can also reach out to others in your situation. Together, you might find safe and sane ways to cope.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom and dad started their restaurant when my brothers and I were little. Both of my brothers have made it clear they don’t want to take the place over when my parents retire. I’m the youngest and the only girl, and in the culture my parents were both raised in, that means it all falls on me to make up for what my big brothers don’t want to do. Like them, though, I really don’t want to take over the restaurant in a few years when Mom and Dad retire. I’ve hinted at this, but don’t have the nerve to tell them outright.

Since it isn’t happening for years yet, do you think there’s any harm in letting it ride for a while? --- NOT INTERESTED

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: I think your parents need to know your intentions sooner rather than later. By being honest with them, you’re allowing them more time to consider their real options, rather than letting them go on believing their business’ future is settled.