DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend keeps asking me to move in with him, but honestly, I don’t know if I could take his obsessive cleaning. He’ll do things like grab a glass I’m still using and wash, dry, and replace it in the cabinet if I leave it for five minutes to go to the bathroom or take a shower. When I stay over a couple of days, I feel like he’s going around behind me and straightening up.
I know he loves me, and I love him, but it worries me that I can’t see myself living with him if he doesn’t find a way to be less obsessive in his home. He seems to be able to control it when we’re out, and when he’s at my place, he seems less uptight. I don’t want this to be a deal breaker, but how do I get him to chill a little at home? --- NOT QUITE THE ODD COUPLE
DEAR NOT QUITE THE ODD COUPLE: I don’t know if this is necessarily a deal breaker, but it’s not likely an issue that’s going to go away just because you move in. If anything, being together more at his apartment may strain the relationship in new ways.
Talk openly to him about your concerns and your feelings. He may simply be someone who likes to be in control of his own environment, or his over-the-top housekeeping might be an indication of other issues. Either way, it’s something you’re going to have to work through with him if you’re going to take the next steps as a couple.