life

HOLIDAY GREETINGS

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | December 25th, 2019

DEAR READERS: Today seems like the perfect time to say thank you to the letter writers, readers, and commenters out there. You all keep me on my toes, and while I don’t always get to read every comment, I do try to get a feel for your reactions. Sometimes you agree with my responses, others, not so much. Even when you call me out on my advice it’s all good, because I’m constantly learning, and the more perspectives put out there, the better.

As to be expected, there’re plenty of snark mongers who like to have their say. Reluctant as I may be to admit it, they’ve been known to make me laugh on occasion. And frequently, I’m quite moved by the many kind, generous, and courageous people who take time to talk about their experiences and share the wisdom and knowledge they’ve picked up along a sometimes painful and bumpy road.

To you all I send best wishes for a Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Joyous Kwanzaa; and if you don’t observe any of the above, I hope you too have much to celebrate. --- SUSAN

life

New BF Curious About GF's Missing Mother

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | December 24th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I get along really well with my new girlfriend’s dad and her two brothers. They all seem really tight and it’s a lot of fun hanging out with them.

What’s kind of weird is that there is never any mention about a mom, no photos, no anything. I feel funny asking what the story is, but I do want to know. Would it be wrong to ask? --- WONDERING ABOUT THE MISSING MOM

DEAR WONDERING ABOUT THE MISSING MOM: My guess is there’s a good reason the family in general, and your girlfriend in particular, hasn’t shared anything about the absent mother. What I think would be best is to wait until someone’s ready to make their family story your business, maybe after you stick around for a while. There’s a good chance the situation is painful, so be patient and don’t press in the meantime.

life

Thin-Skinned LW Struggles with Critical Boss

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | December 19th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: People always tell me I need to toughen up when it comes to taking criticism. They tell me not to take it personally, but how do you do that, especially when you have a boss who loves to loudly tell you everything you do wrong, usually in front of the whole office?

I like my job and don’t want to seem like a loser because I can’t take some criticism, but when it's done this way, I think anyone would have trouble with it. --- SENSITIVE BY NATURE

DEAR SENSITIVE BY NATURE: The thing about criticism is that there’s often something to be learned from it ─ yet I don’t know anyone who likes being criticized, no matter how thick- or thin-skinned they are.

In this case, having your alleged flaws aired in front of coworkers has got to be even more demoralizing, and might say more about your boss’s management style than your learning curve, which may very well be a work in progress.

While you can’t count on your boss doing things differently, you can work on not letting the criticism get to you beyond changing whatever you’re being called on to change. If your boss is a bully, like all bullies, he or she thrives on getting a reaction and will only capitalize on any emotional weakness you demonstrate to get at you even more.

The same survival tactic applies in other areas of your life; so let the knocks roll off you as much as you can.

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