DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: We have a young couple living in the townhouse next to ours and last Christmas season they put up a light display that was left on overnight, every night, and was so bright, my wife and I had to buy blackout curtains for our bedroom and the guest bedroom at the front of the house. The HOA is less than useless, because they told me (and I double-checked them) that there aren’t any rules about holiday light displays beyond them not being allowed to “spill over beyond the limits of the confines of the owner’s property.”

Well, they did it again this year, and although their decorations stay within their property, the light certainly spills out all over the place. Would I be a big Scrooge if I tell them what I think about their holiday display overload? --- NEEDS LESS MIDNIGHT SUN

DEAR NEEDS LESS MIDNIGHT SUN: Since the letter of the HOA rules are on their side, perhaps your next step is to approach your neighbors politely and directly to see if they might agree to have the display, or at least a large part of it, shut down after a certain time each night.

If you haven’t spoken to them yet, they may not have any idea you and your wife are having a problem with their holiday lights.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Both our oldest daughter and I have several food allergies, including nuts, wheat, and shellfish. But almost every single time we eat over at my in-law’s, my mother-in-law puts out little bowls of nuts, and has shrimp cocktails, and then serves a pasta main course. The shrimp we can avoid, and the two of us have learned to eat something before we go for dinner, but my daughter is so sensitive to nuts that even the residual oils left behind from the nuts can give her a reaction.

I have spoken to my mother-in-law about this more than once, and she just doesn’t seem to get it. I am at the point of not going to her house anymore, which I know will hurt her, but I have to protect myself and my daughter. I don’t think I have a choice, do you? --- ALLERGIC MOM OF AN ALLERGIC CHILD

DEAR ALLERGIC MOM OF AN ALLERGIC CHILD: I absolutely agree you need to protect your child and yourself.

If your mother-in-law can’t learn to work around your allergies, then either only dine with them at your place, or suggest meeting at restaurants that you know can accommodate your needs.

It also seems like your husband, if he hasn’t, should step in and explain things to his mom. Coming from her son, it might make more of an impression.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I know I’m supposed to be happy and busy and out spending money this time of year, but I am just not in that frame of mind. My new job doesn’t pay that much and because I haven’t been there long enough to earn much PTO, I won’t be able to get home for Christmas. Not much to be excited about, so why should I be? --- DOWN ON THE HOLIDAYS

DEAR DOWN ON THE HOLIDAYS: A lot of us have trouble fitting into the projections of what we’re supposed to do and feel this time of year. It’s easy to get sucked into and spit out by it all, but you have to do what’s right for you. Hopefully your family understands your circumstances and will look forward to a visit with you at a more opportune time.

Please don’t feel pressure to overspend and put on a jolly face. You don’t have to do either. Look around you at work and in your social world. You may find others in your situation, and together you might be able to form a support system to get through the high-pressured days ahead.

NOTE FROM MOM: Today is the day to give thanks, not for what we don’t have, but for what’s good in our lives.

Please reach out to those you care about and let them know how much they mean to you. The contact will do you both good.

A Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and all my readers/commenters/letter writers. I appreciate you all!