DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Both our oldest daughter and I have several food allergies, including nuts, wheat, and shellfish. But almost every single time we eat over at my in-law’s, my mother-in-law puts out little bowls of nuts, and has shrimp cocktails, and then serves a pasta main course. The shrimp we can avoid, and the two of us have learned to eat something before we go for dinner, but my daughter is so sensitive to nuts that even the residual oils left behind from the nuts can give her a reaction.
I have spoken to my mother-in-law about this more than once, and she just doesn’t seem to get it. I am at the point of not going to her house anymore, which I know will hurt her, but I have to protect myself and my daughter. I don’t think I have a choice, do you? --- ALLERGIC MOM OF AN ALLERGIC CHILD
DEAR ALLERGIC MOM OF AN ALLERGIC CHILD: I absolutely agree you need to protect your child and yourself.
If your mother-in-law can’t learn to work around your allergies, then either only dine with them at your place, or suggest meeting at restaurants that you know can accommodate your needs.
It also seems like your husband, if he hasn’t, should step in and explain things to his mom. Coming from her son, it might make more of an impression.