DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: We recently had to do some major work to the outside of our house. My husband’s brother agreed to help. His wife asked if she and their kids could come along to visit while the guys worked. My husband politely asked her to come at a different time.

As I was about to leave for work, my brother-in-law showed up ─ with the rest of the family. My husband looked stunned and said nothing. When I expressed surprise, my sister-in-law simply said, “Yeah, we weren’t going to come, but then just decided to be here.”

I’m not comfortable leaving her inside my home while I’m gone. I felt that I had to cancel my work, which I did, but it was unfair to my place of work.

We think that she was very rude to show up after specifically being asked not to.

What would have been the best way to handle this? --- MIFFED COUPLE

DEAR MIFFED COUPLE: Your sister-in-law sounds like quite the determined woman, to put it mildly, which I’m betting some of the following commenters won’t.

Perhaps except for your husband’s having been too polite, rather than firm in his “no” to his sister-in-law, the situation seems to have been out of both your hands. It’s unfortunate you had to change your schedule and inconvenience your coworkers. That you express discomfort at having your sister-in-law alone in your house is also a pretty big clue this is not the most easy-going relationship in the family, and now, here’s one more straw on the camel’s back.

Since you aren’t in control of your sister-in-law’s impulses, it might be best if your husband finds other help besides his brother on the next big project. That way they can save their time together for visits that work on your and your husband’s terms and schedules.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am a live-in au pair to three young children, between the ages of one and five, who are beyond terrific and have really snagged my heart. I am also too embarrassed to tell even my best friends that I have a huge crush on my employer, their dad. I hardly ever see his wife since she’s an ER doctor and works long and weird hours, which is one reason they hired me. The dad is in school administration, so he has a lot of night meetings, which is another reason I have this job. It is usually the dad I see much more than the mom and he is possibly the hottest guy I know.

I am not looking to start anything with him, especially since I do not think he is at all interested in me, but I sometimes think I would be better finding another job so nothing can happen. Is that too radical a move over a crush? --- WORKING FOR ONE HOT DAD

DEAR WORKING FOR ONE HOT DAD: If you can keep tight tabs on your feelings, and it really is just a crush, then it may not be worth giving up a job you enjoy. However ─ and it’s one big however ─ if you believe your attraction to him is something you can’t help but act on, then hand in your notice immediately and find a new job.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My parents immigrated from Serbia a few years before I was born. They had a rough time over there, and not the easiest when they arrived here. They continue to be very suspicious of both the government and big business. They have a small checking account so they can pay their bills, but the bulk of their money is kept “hidden” in their apartment, which isn’t in the best neighborhood in our city.

Both of my brothers and I have talked to them about how dangerous this could be, but we don’t make any headway. Any suggestions to help convince them this is not the best way to go? --- FIRST-GENERATION WORRIER

DEAR FIRST-GENERATION WORRIER: This is a story as old as immigration itself. My mother, who was also first generation, told similar tales of relatives stashing cash, rather than depositing it safely in a bank.

It might help if you and your brothers could convince your parents to sit down with someone at the bank where they have their checking account. A one-on-one explanation of the benefits and safety of FDIC-insured savings accounts could be a step towards helping them understand that not only would their money be safer, but could actually accrue interest.

Besides big banks, there are also plenty of established, well-run credit unions, which, for your skeptical parents, might feel a little less overwhelming than a national or multinational institution.