DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My granddaughter is expecting her first baby, and she just invited my husband and me to a “gender reveal” party. I’d never heard of this before and didn’t know if this is the new baby shower, or if there will be another event.

I don’t want to seem cheap, but we live on a kind of tight budget and I don’t know if I’ll be expected to give a gift for two parties or just one. I don’t want to embarrass my granddaughter or myself by asking. Would it be tacky if I did just so I know if I need to do one big or two smaller gifts? --- BAFFLED GRANDMA-TO-BE

DEAR BAFFLED GRANDMA-TO-BE: I only became aware of the gender reveal party trend within the last year, so don’t feel bad about being out of the loop.

Since you want to be able to budget for gifts for your grandbaby but feel awkward asking about a shower, I’d say go modest for the gender reveal party. Then, if there isn’t a shower, give the gift you would have given when the baby arrives.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Two years ago my husband and I bought a townhouse in an older development. We’re used to neighbors working on their homes inside and out, since some of the homes are getting to a point where they could really use it.

Last year a guy and his dad moved in next door and they almost immediately started work on the place. The dad got sick and work stopped. The dad got better, and work stayed stopped. Instead of finishing the projects they started, all the destruction/construction stuff has just been sitting, all piled up in their backyard. It’s like living next to a junkyard, and lately it’s started attracting animals, and my husband is pretty sure he saw a rat running around their side of the fence when he looked out our bedroom window.

I get that there was a reason to stop the work while the dad got better, but he seems to be moving around just fine now and the mess is still sitting there.

We don’t want to blow the whistle on the guys, but I don’t want my four-year-old son playing in the backyard with rats running around in it. Do we do it for the sake of our family and the whole neighborhood? --- LIVING NEXT TO A MESS

DEAR LIVING NEXT TO A MESS: You don’t mention if you’ve approached your neighbors directly to let them know about your concerns. If you have, and they haven’t been responsive, then since you believe their debris and clutter is creating a potential health hazard, you have every right to report them to your homeowners association, the local board of health, or whatever authority serves your neighborhood and has the ability to enforce code violations.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am getting married in February and already my mother and my future mother-in-law are stressing me out over some of the wedding arrangements. So far, they’ve agreed on much of the big things, but I know my fiancé’s mother has been pushing for things to be more formal than my mother is. My mother, fiancé, and I are good with open seating at the reception, so people can sit with the people they want to sit with. Doesn’t it make sense that if you’re going to go less formal, open seating is the way to go?

Every time the subject comes up, my future mother-in-law makes a big deal about this one thing, and my mother has said if I don’t shut it down, she will. Not how I want things to go. --- MORE CASUAL BRIDE

DEAR MORE CASUAL BRIDE: Planning a wedding is often first and foremost an exercise in diplomacy, as it seems you’re learning. However, it’s your wedding and if you and your fiancé agree on the overall tone of the day, then follow that plan. Since the friction seems to be brewing with the women, maybe it’s time for the groom to step-up and privately, and gently, speak with his mother about his and your vision for the day.