DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Although my wife won’t say anything, she is really and truly pissed off at our daughter for how she spent a cash gift we sent her a couple weeks ago when she was in a tight situation with her new job. Our daughter has just been with a computer repair company for less than a month. She started in a weird place in the pay cycle, so she had to wait almost three weeks to get her first paycheck. My wife felt sorry for her, so she sent her a couple hundred dollars to tide her over. Next thing we know, we see our daughter bought a new iPad less than a week after we sent her the cash. Here we’re worried she won’t be making rent or eating, and she shells out money on a new piece of tech.

Since my wife won’t say anything about how upset she is, should I? --- NOT THE BEST WAY TO SPEND MONEY

DEAR NOT THE BEST WAY TO SPEND MONEY: Since she works at a computer repair company, it’s possible that the iPad was refurbished, and not very expensive. Still, if she was truly hard-pressed for funds, I agree it’s not the smartest thing to do with some found cash.

Consider it a lesson learned. The money you sent your daughter was a gift, and so she was free to use it as she chose. You might want to let her know you thought she’d find a more practical use for the gift, or even suggest she could have put it aside for a rainy day if her paychecks are now coming in regularly, because sometimes it rains.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My sister lives with her new husband about five hours away. She thinks she is doing me a favor when she buzzes into town to “help” with our mother, who has some major health problems. What happens is, I am here taking care of Mom every day, and then my sister decides, since she is the older sister, that she knows best, sometimes even better than the doctors, and she starts messing around with things, just to blow back out of town for three or four months.

I can tell my mother doesn’t always understand what’s happening, but she believes if it’s being done by my sister, it’s got to be right ─ even when it isn’t.

I get that my sister thinks she is helping, but how do I get her to understand when she is back with her family, I am the one who has to get things back to normal here? --- THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS HERE

DEAR THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS HERE: This is a common situation in caregiving, and, unfortunately, one that often leads to hard feelings between siblings.

If you haven’t already done so, try speaking to your sister privately, letting her know you appreciate her help, but remind her that there is an overall plan of care that you’re responsible for sticking to. Make it clear that you’ll be glad to relay her concerns to the doctors, but that it could be harmful to your mother to start altering what’s already in place.

It may not work, but at least it might help her think a little differently about what’s best for your mom.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I hate it when I see my mom nag my dad to get something done, but for the first time in my life I’m beginning to understand. I can never get my boyfriend to take care of any of the things around the house that need his attention. What do I do to not turn into my mother? --- NOT WANTING TO NAG

DEAR NOT WANTING TO NAG: Your perception of what needs to be done may not be the same as your boyfriend’s. Finding common ground on that issue’s the first step.

Next, make a list of those priorities you can agree on, and let him know that you two might need to hire someone to tackle the jobs he can’t or won’t take on. Hitting him in the pocketbook may provide needed motivation if that’s all that’s lacking. It might also give him the chance to be honest about his handyman interests and abilities.