life

Unauthorized Photo Sharing Gets MIL in Trouble with DIL

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | July 18th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband and I have been married for 8 years. Over 5 years ago, I made the decision to remove myself from social media, my husband soon followed suit, completely on his own. We have since had many wonderful life experiences, including having two adorable children. We still choose to stay off social media, sharing very little of our life outside our immediate family and friends. We will share an occasional picture of our kids with our parents via group text message.  

When our son was born, I made it very clear to all of our family that when I share pictures with them, it is for their enjoyment only and not for them to post to social media. This came about because my husband’s step-grandmother posted a picture of our 5-week-old son to Facebook without our consent. We did not send the picture directly to her.  

In any event, everyone now knows our wishes, and from what I can tell, they are respecting our boundaries. However, recently, my mother-in-law sent a group message to me and my family (the same group we generally share pictures with) of a picture my husband sent just to her. Immediately after she sent it, she wrote another message, “Oops, that was meant for someone else.” This bothered me because it means that she is sharing OUR photos of OUR life with other people. It’s not hers to share.

When I brought this to my husband’s attention, he brushed it off like I was overreacting, but I don’t think I’m out of line here. She did not ask if we were okay with her passing on our pictures, and we hardly know this person she was passing the picture on to. Not to mention we have no idea how much she is sharing with others that we are unaware of.

Do you think it’s reasonable to address this with my mother-in-law? Is it reasonable for me to be upset that she’s sharing our life and our pictures without our consent? --- STOP SHARING MY LIFE!

DEAR STOP SHARING MY LIFE!: This is one of those situations created by modern technology. In the “old days” ─ like back when you were a kid ─ your mother-in-law would have whipped out and shared printed photographs of her grandchildren every chance she had. What proud grandma can resist showing off her beloved grandchildren?

With that in mind, cut her a little slack this time, and then politely, but firmly, remind her of your policies. It’s understandable that you want to keep your family’s private life private. You’ve shared your boundaries, perhaps now, if you haven’t already done so, share the reasons you established them in the first place; and make sure your husband is still on the same page as you.

life

Employer with Bad Rep Offers Good Opportunity

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | July 17th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I’ve heard from three of my friends who interned at this lab I have been offered a job at that they don’t treat their staff very well. But the program I applied to and was asked to join is one of the few in the country that fits in perfectly with my education and interests. It’s the kind of experience that could really work for me and advance my career.

How much should I consider my friends’ warnings when I decide whether or not to take the lab’s offer? --- NOT SURE WHICH WAY TO GO

DEAR NOT SURE WHICH WAY TO GO: If your friends’ only experience working at the lab was in the capacity of interns, they may have a fairly narrow view of life there.

If there aren’t any on-line ratings for the company that runs the lab, to get a wider view of working conditions, you might try reaching out to someone who either works there currently or has been there in the recent past in positions other than temporary interns.

Even if you hear less than glowing reviews, you need to keep in mind the high level of fit this job offers you and your career goals. It might be worth putting up with less than ideal conditions ─ provided your health, safety, or good name aren’t compromised ─ for at least long enough to gain experience that could pay off down the road.

life

New Husband Fancies Himself Handier Than He Is

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | July 16th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My new husband is one of the coolest, sweetest, nicest guys I know. He has so much going for him ─ except when it comes to being handy around the house.

Our house isn’t exactly a fixer-upper, but it is older and already we have needed to make some repairs, like replacing a garbage disposal, fixing a toilet, replacing a ceiling fan, and installing a new garage door opener. My husband decided to tackle all those jobs, and more. The end result was that we had to hire professionals to come out and fix his fixes.

I don’t want to crush him, but I just don’t know what to do to keep him from DIYing us broke. Suggestions appreciated. --- WIFE OF MR. NOT HANDY

DEAR WIFE OF MR. NOT HANDY: The next time he proposes to take on a home repair himself, gently reminding him of his track record might be a good place to start. While none of us likes to be told we’re aren’t as good at something as we fancy we are, sometimes we need to hear it, for our own good and that of those around us ─ not to mention how expensive it gets to constantly to throw good money after bad.

Check around to see if any of the local hardware/building supply stores hold seminars on different topics taught by professionals. Even if the offerings aren’t directly related to the next home project, seeing how things are done by the pros might help set your husband on a better course.

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