DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Before we even got married, my husband and I decided that if we were blessed with children, I would stay home, at least until they were all in school. Now that our youngest is finishing first grade, I feel like I should be making some money, but daycare in our area is crazy expensive, and with four kids needing after-school care and fulltime summer camps, I would have to be making more money than my current skillset would probably earn me, especially after being out of the workforce for 8 years. My husband tells me not to worry, but I do. We need to start saving for college, and while we make enough to cover all our bills and take a nice vacation every couple years, it isn’t enough to put anyone through college.

I guess I just want someone to tell me it’s okay to still be home and not making money, even though the kids are in school all day. --- SAHM IN LIMBO

DEAR SAHM IN LIMBO: Even when the kids are in school all day, there is still plenty to be done around the house and in your community. Volunteering, finding a part-time job that meshes with the kids’ school schedule ─ like substitute teaching, temping, or working in a local business that may be looking for seasonal help ─ are options you could explore.

You could also take the time to brush up on your already existing skills and learn a few new ones by taking classes in fields of interest to you. Investigate free or inexpensive offerings through community colleges and job placement services to keep costs down.

None of these options are likely to fully fund four four-year college educations, but finding something to keep you engaged and contributing financially might lessen your guilt.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have always been happy my wife and my mother get along really well. Lately, though, I have been feeling left out when I am around them. They seem to have all these conversations I have no idea about, and my mom seems to know more about what goes on in our house than I do.

Is this kind of thing normal for a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law to be so close? --- FEELING LEFT OUT

DEAR FEELING LEFT OUT: It may not be the rule, but it’s certainly common enough, and decidely preferable to the unfortunate alternative of the two women in your life not getting along at all.

In your case, since it’s bothering you, it’s worth mentioning to the ladies that you’re feeling excluded. It’s possible they have no idea that their closeness is affecting you adversely.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My boyfriend’s father died six years ago, and ever since that time he’s taken on being the man of the house. That was back when he was finishing up high school, and because he didn’t want to be too far from home, he commuted to college and even took a job paying way less than he could have made if he moved to a bigger city, all to stay near his mom.

When we started dating almost two years ago, I thought it was kind of sweet that he wanted to be so helpful to his mom. Now I think it’s kind of weird. She is a super sweet woman and never demands anything from my boyfriend. I don’t think she’s the problem. I think he is just over-protective, and it’s begun to bother me more now that I am expecting our first baby this fall. I worry he’ll keep putting his mother first, even when I think he should put his own family first.

I don’t want to come between him and his mom, but the longer we are together, the more he seems to take me for granted so he can go do stuff for his mother. Is this normal or some kind of mother fixation? --- IS HE A MAMA’S BOY?

DEAR IS HE A MAMA’S BOY: Often a son or daughter who loses one parent becomes protective of the survivor, and from what you wrote, your boyfriend continues to see himself as the man of his mom’s house, even though he’s starting a family of his own. He may be feeling worried and guilty about his not being as available to his mom once he becomes a father.

You need to speak with him about your concerns. Since you said his mom isn’t making demands on him, make your own expectations of him as a partner and a father clear, letting him know you value how dedicated he is to helping his mom, but that you also need to know he’s there for you and your baby.