life

Parents Pressure Son to Go to College

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 7th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have been working construction jobs since the summer I graduated high school two years ago. I make decent money, even though it may not always be regular, but it’s enough for me to live on.

Both my older brothers went to college and, honestly, they make less than I do, but my parents keep pressuring me to go back to school and get a degree. I don’t need a degree to do what I am enjoying doing, but how do I get them to back off and let me be? --- NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL

DEAR NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL: A lot of people believe a diploma is a measure of success that can’t be replaced or done without. In your case, however, you already have a strong argument for following your current path ─ you’re making enough to support yourself. That you truly enjoy the work is a huge bonus.

Even though college may not be for you, keep an open mind about possibly taking technical certification or licensing training at some point in the future. Master craftsmen can command more money, and if you ever decide to start your own company, the credential could go a long way, and it might even make your parents more comfortable with your career choice.

life

How Formal to Go for an "Informal" Wedding?

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 6th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband and I have been invited to the wedding of his boss. It will be a second marriage for the groom, but not for the bride, who is a few years younger.

The venue is a very formal, upscale restaurant, but the groom keeps insisting they’re keeping it casual. I’m just afraid that’s the “guy” view, and not what the bride and her family have in mind.

How do we know how to dress for this mixed message wedding? Since it’s my husband’s boss, we want to get it right! --- TO DRESS OR NOT TO DRESS

DEAR TO DRESS OR NOT TO DRESS: It’s possible you might be able to get a feel from the invitation about how formal or informal the affair is going to be. If the invite is traditional, the safer bet may be to go more formal; if it’s fun and very contemporary, a little less dressy may be the uniform of the day, but personally, I’d rather err on the side of being a bit overdressed than underdressed, especially at what is indirectly a work event for your husband.

life

Sassy Grandkid Upset Grandparents

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | March 5th, 2019

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: It always annoyed me when my mother or mother-in-law would offer unasked for opinions on how I raised my kids. Because of that I have a no interference policy with my own daughter, whose children are three and nearly seven.

The younger girl is still sweet, but her big sister is another story. She cusses and yells at her parents and at my husband and me, and at pretty much anyone else she feels like treating that way. Her baby sister watches it all and has started trying the same behavior out for herself.

Neither my daughter nor son-in-law do anything to stop this behavior, they seem to think it’s just a phase and ignore it. When we have the kids at our house, my husband and I try to establish rules, with mixed results.

For the sake of our grandchildren, do you think I should break my butt out policy and say something to my daughter? --- TROUBLED GRANDMA

DEAR TROUBLED GRANDMA: As you already well know, sometimes the hardest part about being a mother is knowing when to open your mouth and when to keep it shut.

While it’s certainly your daughter’s job to raise her own kids, I think you need to mention to her your concerns that the way your older granddaughter acts ─ “just a phase” or not ─ is rubbing off on her little sister, who’s old enough to follow the leader, no matter what example that leader is setting.

That you have set rules for behavior in your own home or when you’re taking care of your grandchildren is a good thing, and might help them understand there are indeed limits and expectations they need to respect.

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