DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: In our house, I’m the one who pays the bills. My partner is pretty much clueless about what it costs to run this place. He takes 40-minute showers, leaves lights and electronics on everywhere, and keeps the thermostat up to the mid-seventies all winter long in our old house with oil heat. I’ve installed a timer thermostat, but he just pops it up to his ideal temperature and never turns it back down. Last month our oil bill was nearly $1800, which is way more than we can keep affording.

I’m tired of nagging. How do I convince this man he needs to be more aware of things not being free? --- SWEATING IT IN VERMONT

DEAR SWEATING IT IN VERMONT: Have you sat down with your partner and shared a breakdown of your income against your expenses? If he’s never been the budget-keeper, he may very well be unaware of what it costs to keep your home going. Get him involved, and together you can figure out ways to potentially cut, or at least better manage expenses.

You also might want to shop around a bit for oil companies. Prices can vary. And, to help make payments easier to take, see if your current provider offers a budgeting plan, enabling you to pay a consistent fee throughout the year instead of getting slammed in the cold weather months.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am the stay-at-home mom with a three-year-old son and a nine-month-old daughter. My husband puts in long days between his job and his commute. When he gets home, I sometimes ask him to help me with the kids or dinner, and he gets all huffy and asks what I have been doing all day that I did not have time to get the kids taken care of and dinner made. The last time he pulled that line we had a huge yelling match that left me in tears and him mad for two days.

I get that he works hard and has a long day, but so do I. Why shouldn’t I expect him to pitch in when he gets home? --- TIRED LIKE HIM

DEAR TIRED LIKE HIM: If you two only share your feelings and needs when you’re having a fight, you both need to figure out how to communicate better ─ and fast. Without trying to understand where you’re each coming from, you’re never going to have the kind of partnership that both successful marriages and good parenting are based on.

Since home is where your husband comes to escape his job, he may have no idea what it’s like for you to never be away from yours. For both your sakes, start planning time out of the house ─ with your husband and without. If he has to hold down the fort for even an hour or two on a Saturday morning once in a while, he might get a better idea of how your days go, and you can have a little break. And, when you can, get a sitter and have a date day/night doing something you used to enjoy together before the kids came along. Maybe in neutral territory, you can more rationally discuss what you each expect from the other at this point in your lives.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Why is it so many older women use younger men for an ego boost?

I’m mainly attracted to women ten to twenty years older than me, but they mostly all just lead me on to get an ego boost and then tell me they are too old for me. What they really mean is that I am not old enough for them. And I suspect they also mean I don’t have enough money for their liking either.

If they thought that the age difference is too great, they should have never engaged in a date in the first place.

It’s hard to get all excited about finally having someone to connect with and then find out yet again I was just being used to make them feel pretty and wanted, then cast aside.

How do I communicate before the first date that if they just want a fling or a one-week “flirtationship” that I’m not interested? --- LOOKING FOR AN HONEST OLDER WOMAN

DEAR LOOKING FOR AN HONEST OLDER WOMAN: Not all mature women are just out for an ego boost. I’ve known several successful older woman/younger man couples. It comes down to both halves of the couple looking past age and, like in any potential long-term relationship, finding enough common ground to both stand on and move forward through over time.

The only way you’re going to know if there’s a potential for that kind of a partnership is to approach the first date with your eyes wide open, your heart on guard, and a willingness to be the one to put on the breaks if things seem to be moving towards the physical too fast. If she’s looking for something more than a fling, she should want to invest time in you and not just your youth.