DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am with a woman who always insists on paying her part of any date we’re on. At first, I didn’t have a problem with it, but now that we’re getting deeper into the relationship, I sometimes find it bothers me that she is so adamant about keeping it all separate. There are times I would like to treat her, because I think it’s okay to do something nice for someone you care about.

Am I wrong to be bothered by her reluctance to let me treat once in a while? --- JUST WANT TO TREAT SOMETIMES

DEAR JUST WANT TO TREAT SOMETIMES: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to treat once in a while. But there are also many people who fear feeling obligated to another person financially, or that someone is trying to buy their affections or exert control by always picking up the tab.

It’s time you mention your concerns openly to her. It would give her an opportunity to share her motives for keeping it Dutch. Depending on her response, you might suggest doing a switch-off ─ you pay for the movie one time and dinner the next, and vice versa so that you’re both contributing, but also opening the door to an occasional treat by one or the other of you.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I share a small office with a guy I’ll call “Joe.” There is no doubt he is a hard worker. There is also no doubt he is an idea thief. Being in the same office as him I have more than once heard him admiring a concept shared with one of us by a coworker. Next thing you know, Joe is pitching it as his own to the boss. He hasn’t tried it with me yet, but I figure it’s just a matter of time.

People are beginning to catch on, but because the boss thinks Joe is some kind of business genius with all these profitable ideas, everyone keeps their mouths shut. Besides, no one wants to look like a crybaby or a whistle-blower in front of our boss, who makes no secret of how great he thinks Joe is. The only thing I can think to do is warn as many people as I can to keep their ideas to themselves to avoid having Joe claim them as his own. Is that wrong? I hate the idea of backstabbing someone, but Joe has no problem doing it. --- MY OFFICEMATE IS A THIEF

DEAR MY OFFICEMATE IS A THIEF: Going behind Joe’s back probably won’t help the situation, and sounds like something you’re not particularly comfortable doing anyway.

A more diplomatic alternative is, each time a pilfered idea is openly presented by Joe, immediately and publicly mention, “Hey, that’s the same idea ________ had.” Do it without accusation, but rather as another example of how great minds think alike. It not only discretely calls Joe out, but it gives the real originator a chance to claim due credit.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Last year was my first married Christmas. My husband followed in his mother’s footsteps and went nuts with decorating our house inside and out. I thought it looked terrible and he thought it was a work of art.

I do not want to completely burst his bubble, but I also do not want to live in Santa Land. Is there a nice way of telling him too much is too much? --- BURIED IN TINSEL

DEAR BURIED IN TINSEL: The upside to your problem is that you married someone who gets into the holiday spirit. It sounds like he inherited his mother’s enthusiasm and wants to continue the traditions he grew up with.

While I understand your frustration, rather than give into it, consider putting up with your husband’s decorating overload as the first gift of Christmas this year. In Christmas Future, consider persuading him to let you work alongside him so you can infuse some of your ideas of how the holidays should look.