life

Parents' Visits Are Too Big for a Small Apartment

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | December 4th, 2018

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Every year my parents come to visit me, my aunt, and my grandmother, as we live close to each other.

I am 32 years old and live with a roommate in a small two-bedroom/2.5 bath apartment.

My issue is that when they come to visit, my parents always expect that they will stay with me and take my bedroom. Because of this I end up sleeping on the couch for a week. If I was able to afford my own place with a spare bedroom this would not be an issue. As it is, they would be insulted if I asked them to get a hotel, and due to my grandmother’s and aunt’s hoarding tendencies, they are unable to stay with them.

What are my options? --- STUCK ON THE COUCH

DEAR STUCK ON THE COUCH: You didn’t mention how your roommate feels about this annual visit. How it affects him or her might provide you with a good argument against even temporarily doubling your home’s population.

Another thing to consider is perhaps your parents wouldn’t feel the same about staying in a hotel if you offered to stay with them, sharing the cost of a two-bedroom suite.

You could also explore short-term vacation rentals like Airbnb, HomeAway, or FlipKey. Depending on where you live, some of these turnkey accommodations may be more expensive than a hotel, but if you sell it to your parents as a mini-vacation for you too, it might be more appealing to them.

If these options are too costly or not viable for other reasons, I encourage you to grin and bear the visit for the week Mom and Dad are in town. Being with you, in your own home, may be something they look forward to and enjoy.

life

Does He Follow Her to New Job?

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 29th, 2018

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My girlfriend has just been told she is being transferred to her company’s Chicago office from their LA headquarters. We’ve been dating for a while now, and have sometimes talked about getting married down the road, but I’m not sure I’m far enough down the road to make that leap yet. She asked if I would consider moving with her, and I haven’t been able to answer. Is that a sign she’s not really “the one”? --- NOT SURE I WANT TO MOVE

DEAR NOT SURE: Moving is a complicated proposition under the best of circumstances, and you’re also looking at it as a litmus test of the strength of your feelings. Your hesitance is understandable, and if you’re not comfortable committing to either your own relocation or giving the long-distance relationship route a try ─ at least until you decide if you’re ready to follow her ─ then the third option is breaking up. If door number three looks like the worst choice, because being without her is something you’re not willing to do, then maybe it’s time to commit to one of the other two options, either of which has plenty of potential risks, but also the chance of big rewards.

life

Holiday Split Wears Thin

Ask Someone Else's Mom by by Susan Writer
by Susan Writer
Ask Someone Else's Mom | November 28th, 2018

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Every year around this time my husband and I start stressing over how we are going to spend the holidays. His parents live about two hours from mine. Depending on which route we take, we can be at either of their houses in five hours by car from where we live now.

When it was just the two of us it wasn’t a big deal to split visits, but this year we have a baby and another on the way and I just can’t imagine dragging everyone through the usual holiday split of Christmas Eve at one house, Christmas Day at the other, battling traffic in all directions, and worrying about potential bad weather. It was tough enough with an infant last year, but this year I just don’t want to go through it all. Any suggestions in how to handle the holiday visits? --- HOLIDAY WARRIOR

DEAR WARRIOR: Unless you’re absolutely set on travelling back to see your folks for the holidays, it seems to me you have pretty good reasons for not doing the trek this year. You could make your intention to stay home clear right now, while your folks have enough time to weigh their options. If they’re willing to travel your way, and you’re willing to either host them or help them find a hotel nearby, consider extending an invitation to spend the holidays with you. If that isn’t a viable plan, propose a visit home in the near future, just not during the already stressful holidays.

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