DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: When I was a kid I remember the older adults at family parties making off-color or what I considered insensitive jokes. It used to get me so mad. Now it seems we have gotten so hypersensitive everyone is afraid to say anything for fear of offending someone or losing their job. What is safe to say anymore? --- KEEPING IT SHUT

DEAR KEEPING: We do seem to have backed ourselves into a corner conversationally these days, regardless of your political leanings.

With civility in increasingly short supply, it’s getting more and more difficult to find havens for rational discourse. So, if you want to play it safe and maintain peace, my advice is to think hard before you speak, stay as topic-neutral as possible, and in extreme cases, consider following the time-honored rule of sticking to the weather and your health.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have two teenage children. My son is 19 and my daughter is 15. I grew up in a home with very strict parents who set a lot of rules and wanted to know where my sisters and I were every hour of the day. At the time I hated it, but now I understand their rules from a parent’s perspective.

Shortly before my son went back to college, when I took some unclaimed laundry out of the dryer, I found an empty condom wrapper. My kids often buddy up on their laundry and there was clothing from both kids in the batch. Since he’s already been away at college I am not naive enough to think my son isn’t sexually active. But I have to admit I’m a little freaked-out to think my daughter is having sex already.

I don’t want to be as controlling as my parents, and I certainly don’t want to alienate my kids, but how do I approach them to find out what I may not want to know? --- SCARED TO ASK

DEAR SCARED TO ASK: You could try asking your kids separately about your find, but don’t count on a straight answer, especially if they’re inclined to cover for each other.

Being realistic about your son’s probable sex life is a sign you’re not looking to be as strict or controlling as you felt your parents were. He’s 19 and on his own most of the time, but a high school underclassman is a different story.

While some of my readers will say at least safe sex is being practiced, I’m not of the opinion most 15-year-olds are ready for the emotional aspects and potential risks of being sexually active. Because of that, you’re fully within your rights and acting as a loving, responsible parent to speak with your daughter about your concerns.

Whether the wrapper was hers or not, after she explodes ─ and I’d count on an explosion ─ at least she’ll know you care, although that might not be what she calls it or how she sees it right now.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I work in a small office with only about 15 people most days. While there isn’t a formal dress code, one of my female coworkers comes in dressed more like she’s heading out for a Saturday night barhop than a Tuesday morning meeting. Almost everyone, including our boss, has said something to her about how she is dressed, but it’s always in a kidding way. No one seems up to telling her how distracting her clothes (or lack of) are, especially to the guys, some of who joke about it behind her back.

How do we make her understand she isn’t doing anyone a favor coming to work dressed like that? --- NOT ENJOYING THE VIEW

DEAR NOT ENJOYING: You all, especially your boss, need to keep in mind that the image this young woman projects is not only distracting to her coworkers and making her the butt of jokes, but if your business has contact with the public, how she appears to outsiders may have even bigger repercussions. And, that no one has yet spoken seriously to her about her style sense may read to her as permission to keep the clubbing look going.

It’s time a company dress code is put in writing and shared with all current and future employees, and that she is told directly by the boss ─ with no joking around ─ that she has to make some appropriate adjustments to her weekday wardrobe.