DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have two teenage children. My son is 19 and my daughter is 15. I grew up in a home with very strict parents who set a lot of rules and wanted to know where my sisters and I were every hour of the day. At the time I hated it, but now I understand their rules from a parent’s perspective.

Shortly before my son went back to college, when I took some unclaimed laundry out of the dryer, I found an empty condom wrapper. My kids often buddy up on their laundry and there was clothing from both kids in the batch. Since he’s already been away at college I am not naive enough to think my son isn’t sexually active. But I have to admit I’m a little freaked-out to think my daughter is having sex already.

I don’t want to be as controlling as my parents, and I certainly don’t want to alienate my kids, but how do I approach them to find out what I may not want to know? --- SCARED TO ASK

DEAR SCARED TO ASK: You could try asking your kids separately about your find, but don’t count on a straight answer, especially if they’re inclined to cover for each other.

Being realistic about your son’s probable sex life is a sign you’re not looking to be as strict or controlling as you felt your parents were. He’s 19 and on his own most of the time, but a high school underclassman is a different story.

While some of my readers will say at least safe sex is being practiced, I’m not of the opinion most 15-year-olds are ready for the emotional aspects and potential risks of being sexually active. Because of that, you’re fully within your rights and acting as a loving, responsible parent to speak with your daughter about your concerns.

Whether the wrapper was hers or not, after she explodes ─ and I’d count on an explosion ─ at least she’ll know you care, although that might not be what she calls it or how she sees it right now.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I work in a small office with only about 15 people most days. While there isn’t a formal dress code, one of my female coworkers comes in dressed more like she’s heading out for a Saturday night barhop than a Tuesday morning meeting. Almost everyone, including our boss, has said something to her about how she is dressed, but it’s always in a kidding way. No one seems up to telling her how distracting her clothes (or lack of) are, especially to the guys, some of who joke about it behind her back.

How do we make her understand she isn’t doing anyone a favor coming to work dressed like that? --- NOT ENJOYING THE VIEW

DEAR NOT ENJOYING: You all, especially your boss, need to keep in mind that the image this young woman projects is not only distracting to her coworkers and making her the butt of jokes, but if your business has contact with the public, how she appears to outsiders may have even bigger repercussions. And, that no one has yet spoken seriously to her about her style sense may read to her as permission to keep the clubbing look going.

It’s time a company dress code is put in writing and shared with all current and future employees, and that she is told directly by the boss ─ with no joking around ─ that she has to make some appropriate adjustments to her weekday wardrobe.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My wife and I haven’t had a vacation with just the two of us since before our twins were born four years ago.

Since my wife is currently home fulltime, for the last few years when my sister-in-law and her husband have gone on vacation they have left the kids with us. My sister-in-law has been offering for over a year now to watch our boys so my wife and I can get away, but my wife refuses to let her or anyone else do overnights with our kids.

This is not good for our marriage and I keep telling her that. What else can I do to wake her up to how much we need time for just the two of us? --- WANT TIME WITH MY WIFE

DEAR WANT TIME: It isn’t easy for some young mothers to take that first break from being Mommy, but it’s got to happen sooner or later.

Start small. Shoot for a long weekend or even just an overnight. Pick somewhere not too far from home, but far enough to give yourselves the simple luxury of being alone in the car for two or three uninterrupted hours. Follow it up with an adults-only meal in a grown-up type restaurant, and a whole night to spend as you used to before the kids came along.

Surviving a night or two away from your twins could help convince your wife that it’s okay to loosen the reins every now and then.