DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Shortly after my new wife and I moved into our first apartment, both her parents and mine started showing up with stuff from their basements and attics that they’re convinced we just can’t live without. How do we get them to stop palming off their used crap on us? --- OUT WITH THE OLD

DEAR OUT: Mixed in with the dishes and cutlery my husband and I bought over the years are pieces we started out with when we had very little and couldn’t afford much beyond the barest essentials. These “donations” from our parents were generally odds and ends they’d replaced as their incomes and families grew.

By making use of these secondhand items, we were able to put our money towards the purchase of things we really wanted or needed. Three decades later, a few of those still serviceable pieces are reminders of the givers, too many of whom are now gone.

So long as what your folks drop off is in decent shape, even if not the latest and greatest or much to your taste, say, “Thanks,” with a smile and take it. If it’s not of any use to you, pass it on to a local charity or thrift shop where it may find another life in someone else’s home, or poll your friends to see if any of them are interested in the offerings.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: After five semesters working toward a biology bachelor’s I’ve realized I am not cut out for the field. My grades are OK, but I just don’t see myself spending the next 20 or 30 years working in a field I do not enjoy. I haven’t told my parents yet that I want to change majors, or maybe take a semester off to figure things out. They have been helping me with expenses and I don’t know how to tell them I want to switch. Any advice? --- NEEDING TO CHANGE COURSE

DEAR NEEDING: Changing direction, especially after investing time and money – not all of it yours – isn’t generally easy, but it’s better to do it sooner rather than later. Be honest with your parents and let them know you feel it would be a waste to continue in a major that no longer feels right.

The option of taking some time off may be your best bet. You could use the break to earn some money, and perhaps chip away at some missing gen ed credits at a local community college as you explore your next steps.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband and I have a two-year old daughter and we just had a baby boy earlier this summer. My husband’s family lives two states away and my mom’s house is 20 minutes from mine. Whenever my in-laws visit they can’t wait to babysit so my husband and I can go out, but my own mother told me to find someone else because as she says, “I raised my own kids. I don’t need to raise yours.” Am I nuts in thinking I should be able to count on my own mother to watch her own grandkids once in a while? --- BAFFLED DAUGHTER

DEAR BAFFLED: While most grandparents, like your in-laws, jump at the chance to babysit their grandkids, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard about one who opts out of the babysitting part of grandparenthood. Their justification is they don’t want to get roped into giving up their own independence, and they feel it’s not their job to offer childcare services.

If you’ve already hashed it out with your mother and she isn’t budging, you’re better off not banging your head against the wall, but rather start developing alternate arrangements like a babysitting swap with friends, other trustworthy relatives, or a reliable neighborhood sitter.