DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My husband and I have a two-year old daughter and we just had a baby boy earlier this summer. My husband’s family lives two states away and my mom’s house is 20 minutes from mine. Whenever my in-laws visit they can’t wait to babysit so my husband and I can go out, but my own mother told me to find someone else because as she says, “I raised my own kids. I don’t need to raise yours.” Am I nuts in thinking I should be able to count on my own mother to watch her own grandkids once in a while? --- BAFFLED DAUGHTER

DEAR BAFFLED: While most grandparents, like your in-laws, jump at the chance to babysit their grandkids, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard about one who opts out of the babysitting part of grandparenthood. Their justification is they don’t want to get roped into giving up their own independence, and they feel it’s not their job to offer childcare services.

If you’ve already hashed it out with your mother and she isn’t budging, you’re better off not banging your head against the wall, but rather start developing alternate arrangements like a babysitting swap with friends, other trustworthy relatives, or a reliable neighborhood sitter.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: Sometimes I work the box office during my shift at a multiplex. We give discounts to seniors and it is usually obvious who gets the discount, but sometimes I get a ticket buyer who looks like maybe they’re old enough, but I can’t tell for sure. I do not want to make someone feel bad about looking older than they are, but I also figure most people want to save money. Is there a good way to ask someone’s age without offending them? --- NOT SURE HOW TO ASK

DEAR NOT SURE: Why ask? If the ticket pricing policy is posted, let the buyer decide. If they order a senior ticket, let them have it. If they don’t, let them pay full price. Even if they qualify for the discount, it may be more important to them to be taken for younger than they are, and I see no harm in that.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My grandpa was diagnosed with dementia five years ago while I was still in high school. When I came home on summer break this year I wasn’t sure if he recognized me at first when I went to visit him at his nursing home. His decline is breaking my heart and as much as I love my Gramps, I feel more and more that I should just skip the visits, especially if he doesn’t even know who I am. Does that make me a bad person? --- MISSING GRAMPS

DEAR MISSING: No, this doesn’t make you a bad person.

It’s not easy seeing someone you love disappear. But don’t assume that just because your grandpa doesn’t always recognize you that he has altogether forgotten who you are. No matter how far he slips away from the realities that surround him, you might still catch traces of the man you grew up loving, and for all you know, you may very well continue to be part of his new reality, just in a redefined way.

Hold tight to your memories of who he used to be, and when you visit do your best to roll with the role he assigns you on that particular day.