DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I’m in my first apartment since graduating college. It’s a three bedroom, two bathroom unit and I share it with two friends.

It seems like it should be big enough for three girls, but one of my roommates is a slob. She drops her stuff all over the place, uses groceries the other two of us buy, never cleans the kitchen and bathrooms, and leaves dirty dishes in the sink for days. We’ve talked to her about all this, and she seems like she gets what we’re saying and promises to do better, then in a day or two it’s the same thing all over again.

Neither my other friend nor I are good at confrontations, so we pretty much shut up and do her part of the work around the apartment. But it’s getting tense and even when we hang out together at other friends’ places, you can feel something is not right.

How do we get her to do pull her weight so we can all be better friends again? --- TIRED OF CLEANING UP

Dear TIRED: Your roomie must think she’s still living at her parents’ home, where she may have had it too good for her own – and yours. And you guys continue enabling her irresponsibility.

Since you’re not her mom or dad, you don’t have recourse to their motivational arsenal. But here’s one thing you can try right out of the Parent’s Handbook: No more vague requests like, “Hey, could you clean up the kitchen tonight.” Stick to manageable specifics – “It’s your turn to scrub the sink, counters, and cooktop.” Forget the passive, “I went to make my mac and cheese and it was gone.” It’s time for, “You need to replace my mac and cheese the next time you get groceries.”

Another road to communal harmony is paved with less communal sharing. If you haven’t already done so, assign cabinet/pantry shelves for each of you to store food and kitchenware. Label it all with your respective names. If things continue to disappear and the dishes are still not getting done, start doing only your own dishes and keeping them and non-community food items tucked away in your bedroom. Ditto with anything else you find your less responsible roomie has a tendency to use or abuse.

Petty as such measures sound, they might light a fire under your non-complying roommate when she gets the message that it’s every woman for herself – at least until there’s a fairer, more responsible distribution of labor and supplies.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My mom is super into her church. Whenever I’m at home on a Sunday she insists I go with her to the service. The church’s whole message is one I can’t get into anymore and I feel like I have better things to do on a Sunday morning, especially since I don’t get home all that often.

What can I do to not get into a big battle with my mom every time I want to take a pass on service? --- NOT A CHURCHGOER

DEAR NOT: It’s an absolutely natural part of growing up to question the faith of our fathers – and mothers. But remember it is their faith, and they’re as entitled to it as you are to make your own spiritual way – or not.

My guess is your mother wants you to get some of the same positive experiences she’s had as a member of faith community. And, since you say you don’t get home a lot, having you with her at church may be one way Mom can spend more of these precious visits with you, without foregoing her regular Sunday routine.

To avoid further conflict, before you even arrive on your next visit home, give your mother the heads-up what your plans are for Sunday morning. Let her know you appreciate her wanting to share this aspect of her life with you, but that you’ve moved in another direction, and while you’re willing to go to church with her on occasion, she shouldn’t expect it to happen each time you’re in town.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I graduated high school two years ago. Unlike my older brother and sister, I didn’t want to go to college, which didn’t make my parents too happy. We worked out a deal that I’d try community college for a year and if it didn’t get me hooked on more school, I could follow my own path and go into the army.

Well I pretty much bombed my boring gen ed classes that seemed like a repeat of the boring classes I hated in high school. My parents think I failed on purpose, but I just couldn’t make it work.

I’ve been working with my local army recruiting office and have decided to enlist as a mechanic. I’ve played around with cars for as long as I can remember, and in high school I took as many shop classes as I could. I always did much better in them than I did my regular classes.

Right now my mom and dad are steamed that I’m going into the service. They think I’m just doing it because I don’t know what else to do. But after two years of part time dead end jobs, I see it as a real path that I’m taking on purpose. How do I convince them this is what’s right for me? --- ARMY READY

DEAR ARMY READY: I applaud your ambition to go into the service, but I also get your parents’ reservations. Remember they too will serve so long as you do. It’s a family commitment.

It may help make your case if you include them in the recruiting process. Introduce your parents to your recruiter so they can ask questions and voice concerns. Beyond being first and foremost salesmen/women for the service branch they represent, recruiters are also good sources of information.

Stress to your mom and dad that once you graduate boot camp you’ll begin job-specific training, the kind you’d either have to pay for or gain on-the-job in the outside world, only Uncle Sam will be picking up your tab.

Remind them that if you go career, when you retire you’ll have a pension, lifetime healthcare coverage, GI benefits, and a boatload of experience, all of which put you in a pretty good place from which to launch a second career.