DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I have a friend who’s been one of my best friends since my first day as a new freshman at a new high school in a new town. I love her and she has seen me through some rough times. When I was dangerously depressed a few years ago she was one of my rocks. I’ve been slowly recovering, still struggling sometimes, but trying to keep away from the darkness, just as she seems to be heading deeper into it. She is in therapy and takes meds, but she is impossible to deal with at times. Everything I do is wrong, and she twists everything I say around to be an attack on her.

I can’t turn my back on her, but all my other friends and even my family say I might need to cut the ties for my sanity’s sake, but she has been such a big part of my life for so long it isn’t easy. Plus given my experience, I know I could help her if she’d let me.

So, do I cut and run or stick it out? --- HURT AND Confused bff

DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: You’re the kind of friend we all need in our lives, and being no stranger to the darkness, I get why you believe you’d be a perfect resource for someone in crisis. But the thing is, you also need to safeguard your own on-going recovery.

Since your friend’s getting professional help, you need to step back and let the pros do their job. To your great credit, you don’t want to abandon her, but modern life further tilts an already slippery slope.

In this age of constant, instant communication, failure to constantly and instantly respond to messages annoys many in good circumstances. To someone literally not in her right mind, any delay – no matter how reasonable – may feel like a betrayal.

For your sake I suggest avoiding daily for the time being. Try periodically reaching out with an old school letter or card expressing understanding, support, and continued friendship. It’s amazing how much more you can say if you have to really think about what you’re putting down on paper. Whether it’s a thing of beauty or a proofreader’s nightmare, you’ll have given your old friend a piece of yourself – from a hopefully safe distance for you.

When she receives your offerings she can read, shred, frame, or put them away unopened, depending on her emotional and mental state at the moment. She may respond by blowing-up your phone; or the silence may be deafening. Whatever path she takes don’t be surprised by her reaction, and don’t take it personally. You’ll have held out your hand and your heart, and sometimes that’s the best we can do.

Good luck to you both.

I just started my first grown-up job a few months ago. I totally love it, but sometimes I make stupid mistakes that make me want to cry. I always worry my bosses are going to think I can’t do the job and I’ll lose it.

How do I know if I’m doing a good job? --- AFRAID OF SUCKING AT MY JOB

DEAR AFRAID: If you still have a job by the time you’re reading this response, it’s a fairly good indication you don’t suck at it nearly as much as you worry you do.

Think back to your recently completed school days. Did you always ace every quiz or exam? Was each paper you handed in a thing of beauty in the eyes of your teacher or professor? Heck, did you get your driver’s license on the first try?

If you answered yes to all the above, I fear you’ve missed out on two invaluable lessons of school and life: 1) nobody’s perfect, and 2) you can’t learn much if� you already know it all.

Size up your bosses and figure which is the most human and/or humane. Next, chose an aspect of your job you feel rocky about and one with which you’ve grown comfortable. Then sit down with your chosen supervisor and rather than asking the vague question, “How am I doing?” request some specific feedback on the two areas you’ve chosen as fair examples of your perceived weaknesses and strengths.

Pay close attention to the response you get, and learn from your mini-evaluation. It may come as a surprise that you’re not doing as poorly as you believe, and your taking the initiative to have the discussion should demonstrate to your employer that you take your job seriously and are eager to improve and grow.

Then get back to work. Accept you’ll have your share of “well dones” and “oops” as you move through the working world. And always remember that learning from your mistakes is the oldest school of all.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I met a guy, “Derek,” who I think might be “the one.” Only my father thinks he is just using me and that I would be better off hanging with my girlfriends and my family. Derek is so much nicer to me than my last boyfriend, who ended up cheating on me with his ex. Derek and I are talking about moving in together. I have been living with a couple of other girls in our own apartment for the last four years, but my dad says he’ll stop seeing me if I move in with Derek.

I honestly love my dad, but he can be so close-minded and stubborn. I really think he would disown me if I make the move with Derek. --- CAUGHT IN LOVE

DEAR CAUGHT: Don’t be too hard on your dad. Since he’s seen you burned, give him the benefit of the doubt that he really may feel your pain. Besides, beyond all those cherished memories of your first steps, favorite bedtime stories, and graduations, there may linger echoes of his own youth and the hurt he too felt when his heart was broken by someone who turned out not to be “the one.”

Cutting Dad some slack is the first step. Next, you’re going to need to work at persuading him that his little girl is an adult – ready, willing, and able to make mistakes and take the consequences.

This isn’t going to happen overnight. And your best bet is to keep Derek out of it when you and your dad are together. Have Dad over for dinner at your place, or treat him to a meal at his favorite restaurant. Talk about your job, your worries, your pet projects. Take tension out of the equation for a bit and let him get to know the young woman you see yourself becoming and your willingness to make sure he still has a place in your expanding world.

When the time is right and your relationship with your father is on more solid ground, you might find it less stressful and prickly to reintroduce the Derek situation. If Dad pushes back, then take the hint that he’s not ready yet to give his blessing.

Be cool with that for now and show your father you are enough of a grown-up to be patient with him – as he was with you back when you truly were his little girl, and he was the first man of your dreams.

In the end, you may need to get used to Dad’s never jumping for joy over you and Derek living together. It isn’t what he wants for you, but as an adult you have the right to make your own life. Just be sure to let your father know you hope he’ll choose to continue being a part of it.