DEAR NATALIE: My partner and I are politically divided and it’s starting to affect our finances. We’ve always known we vote differently, but lately it’s become more than dinner table debate. He’s been donating significant amounts of money to MAGA candidates and causes I strongly oppose, and I recently discovered he dipped into our joint savings to do it. We both work full-time and agreed to pool most of our income, but now I’m questioning whether we need separate accounts, or even separate financial futures. He says I’m overreacting and that political giving is no different than any other charitable donation. I feel blindsided and worry this is less about money and more about values. How do couples navigate financial transparency when their political identities feel like moral identities? – MONEY MATTERS

DEAR MONEY MATTERS: If you’re sharing an account, it should follow that the money pooled there is used for mutually agreed-upon purposes like shared expenses, vacations or long-term goals. If your husband is determined to give large sums to candidates and causes you oppose, two things need to happen. In the short term, it needs to stop. If he wants to spend money that way — and I mean his money, saved separately from your joint account — that is his decision. But funds should not be taken from a shared savings account for political donations without your consent. Period. In the long term, you need a serious conversation about your priorities and your shared vision for the future, both financially and relationally. If supporting candidates whose policies you believe harm you or your community conflicts with your core values, that isn’t a small disagreement. It’s a fundamental one. It’s difficult to build a stable future with someone who disregards your perspective, and diverting shared resources to causes that contradict your values can damage more than your bank balance. It can erode trust. The real question is how much he is willing to prioritize your partnership over politics. You deserve clarity on that and then you can decide your next steps accordingly.

DEAR NATALIE: My parents want to “retire” but they have no savings and expect me to step in. I’m in my early 30s, still paying off student loans and saving for my own kids’ college funds. My parents spent years helping extended family overseas and sending money to relatives, which I respect, but they didn’t build a retirement cushion. Now they’re hinting that moving in with us — and relying on us financially — is the natural next step. I feel torn between cultural expectations, genuine love for them and resentment that their lack of planning may derail my own family’s stability. My spouse is supportive but nervous about what this means long term. How do I set boundaries without feeling like I’m abandoning them?

– PLANNING FOR WHAT’S NEXT

DEAR PLANNING FOR WHAT’S NEXT: It’s a big ask for your parents to expect to move in with you. While I appreciate that they want to retire, it isn’t your fault they chose to support extended family instead of setting aside a nest egg. At the same time, they are your parents, and you want to support them. So what are your options? You could give in and let them move in, which may put significant strain on your relationship with your husband and your family life. Or you could find another way to help that doesn’t involve sharing your current home. A third option would be for them to sell their home and for you to purchase a larger house — ideally one with an in-law suite — and share the mortgage. But if that isn’t realistic, especially given current mortgage rates, consider another approach. Start by connecting them with a financial planner who can take a close look at their finances and outline what a path to retirement might realistically look like. Having a plan in place could relieve some of the pressure on you to act immediately. There may be a solution that respects your boundaries while still providing your parents with meaningful support. Explore that first before anyone starts packing boxes.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga at wqed.org

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DEAR NATALIE: My adult son still relies heavily on me financially, and it’s starting to feel unsustainable. How do you set boundaries without making him feel abandoned or ungrateful? What makes it worse is that my three daughters are all financially independent and have been pressuring me to “cut the cord.” Their mother died when they were young, and I think I raised them all the same, but they believe I coddled my son more than them. The truth is, I love all my kids, but my son has never been a “go-getter.” Now that he is out of college, I am worried that he’s getting a little too comfortable staying with me. How do I nudge him out of the nest without him feeling abandoned by me? – DOTING DAD

DEAR DOTING DAD: No one can fault you for loving your children and wanting to take care of them, especially after the loss that you have all suffered. But sometimes we mistake co-dependence for love. Your daughters are right on this one. If you continue to coddle him, he will never be able to stand on his own two feet, move forward with his life, and build a future. And maybe that is what scares you both. You did that, and then it was ripped away from you. Perhaps on some level, you want to protect him from that fate. Perhaps on some level, he is regressing to avoid what may seem inevitable to him—losing the people he loves. A grief counselor may be able to help you navigate this time together. What struck me was your worrying that you could be perceived as “abandoning him,” when instead it sounds as though you have truly been there for him and his sisters. Please don’t put so much guilt on yourself for what happened in the past. You both deserve space to heal, to grow, and to blossom. Good luck!

DEAR NATALIE: My parents offered to pay for my wedding, but they’re suddenly micromanaging every detail, from the guest list to the menu, and they keep implying that I should save money by cutting out things I really want. I feel guilty about rejecting their suggestions because they’re generous, but I also want the day to reflect me and my fiancé. My fiancé thinks I should be firm, but I don’t want my parents to feel unappreciated. How do I navigate family expectations without sacrificing my vision? Is it selfish to insist on having some financial control over my own wedding? – WEDDING WOES

DEAR WEDDING WOES: What is the budget for your wedding? As long as you are staying within the budget they provide you, why can’t you have the things that you want? If they are “extra,” do you or your fiancé have money set aside for a few small upgrades? While I appreciate that your parents are paying for the wedding—and it is generous, like you said—it isn’t their wedding. Some clear boundaries and expectations need to be put in place. If you can’t have the day you want, then why have the day at all? At that point, you might as well elope! Actually, now that I said it…sounds sort of romantic, right?

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga at wqed.org

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: @FactsOverFearNatalieB

DEAR NATALIE: Is it a red flag if my partner puts zero effort into romance, or is romance just something we’ve been taught to overvalue? I don’t need grand gestures or movie-level theatrics, but sometimes it feels like desire has just left the room. He doesn’t flirt with me. It’s all  just routine and “you know I love you.” Am I being unrealistic for wanting to feel pursued, or is romance actually how intimacy stays alive? And if romance matters to me but not to them, is that a mismatch — or something that can be rebuilt without begging for it? I think because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, I’m feeling extra sensitive and needy. But also, don’t I deserve to feel loved? - UNDERVALUED

DEAR UNDERVALUED: Let’s define romance. Romance is “the intentional expression of love, desire and emotional connection through attention, effort and imagination. It’s about making someone feel chosen, valued and wanted — not just loved in theory, but desired in practice.” Viewed through this lens, it’s easy to see why romance is necessary in a long-term relationship. It triggers chemical reactions in the brain when something “new” or joyfully unexpected happens. That’s why it feels good when your partner surprises you or flirts with you because it keeps you engaged. Not receiving those little “love hits” can feel depressing, for sure. But it’s also understandable why you wouldn’t want to “beg” for attention or kindness. The best way to overcome this obstacle is to go through it; you can’t avoid your way out. Be vulnerable. Write down your feelings if that makes it easier. Express your expectations and needs to your partner. If they cannot or will not meet you there, then you have to ask yourself: is this truly the right relationship for you?

DEAR NATALIE: I’m in a relationship that looks good on paper, but I’m actively engaging in a love triangle because it makes me feel alive. I haven’t slept with the other person, but we have kissed. I enjoy the secrecy more than I probably should. Part of me likes having two versions of myself: the responsible partner and the one who still sparks curiosity and desire in someone else. The person I’m “cheating” with is also a woman and I’ve been married to a man for almost 10 years. Am I chasing validation, or am I testing whether I’ve outgrown the relationship I’m in? The woman understands that I’m not trying to leave my marriage, but I also worry that if she gets bored she might tell my husband. And that turns me on even more. What is wrong with me? – TRIANGLE OF GUILT 

DEAR TRIANGLE OF GUILT: I don’t see how this ends well if you continue down this road. It’s not the kissing that concerns me so much as the lying. Do you really think your husband will be OK with the fact that you’ve been lying and sneaking around? How would you feel if the situation were reversed? You need to end this affair, even if you think it’s harmless, because someone will get hurt. The fact that you like the idea of her telling your husband what’s going on is also an indicator that you may be on relational thin ice. If you don’t want to be married anymore, or if you’re having second thoughts about your relationship, talk to your husband. Being in this triangle may seem like a fun escape, but you’re potentially making things far more painful down the road. Figure out what you want and what’s best for your future. The lies will only amplify the pain.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga at wqed.org

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: @FactsOverFearNatalieB