DEAR NATALIE: My adult son still relies heavily on me financially, and it’s starting to feel unsustainable. How do you set boundaries without making him feel abandoned or ungrateful? What makes it worse is that my three daughters are all financially independent and have been pressuring me to “cut the cord.” Their mother died when they were young, and I think I raised them all the same, but they believe I coddled my son more than them. The truth is, I love all my kids, but my son has never been a “go-getter.” Now that he is out of college, I am worried that he’s getting a little too comfortable staying with me. How do I nudge him out of the nest without him feeling abandoned by me? – DOTING DAD

DEAR DOTING DAD: No one can fault you for loving your children and wanting to take care of them, especially after the loss that you have all suffered. But sometimes we mistake co-dependence for love. Your daughters are right on this one. If you continue to coddle him, he will never be able to stand on his own two feet, move forward with his life, and build a future. And maybe that is what scares you both. You did that, and then it was ripped away from you. Perhaps on some level, you want to protect him from that fate. Perhaps on some level, he is regressing to avoid what may seem inevitable to him—losing the people he loves. A grief counselor may be able to help you navigate this time together. What struck me was your worrying that you could be perceived as “abandoning him,” when instead it sounds as though you have truly been there for him and his sisters. Please don’t put so much guilt on yourself for what happened in the past. You both deserve space to heal, to grow, and to blossom. Good luck!

DEAR NATALIE: My parents offered to pay for my wedding, but they’re suddenly micromanaging every detail, from the guest list to the menu, and they keep implying that I should save money by cutting out things I really want. I feel guilty about rejecting their suggestions because they’re generous, but I also want the day to reflect me and my fiancé. My fiancé thinks I should be firm, but I don’t want my parents to feel unappreciated. How do I navigate family expectations without sacrificing my vision? Is it selfish to insist on having some financial control over my own wedding? – WEDDING WOES

DEAR WEDDING WOES: What is the budget for your wedding? As long as you are staying within the budget they provide you, why can’t you have the things that you want? If they are “extra,” do you or your fiancé have money set aside for a few small upgrades? While I appreciate that your parents are paying for the wedding—and it is generous, like you said—it isn’t their wedding. Some clear boundaries and expectations need to be put in place. If you can’t have the day you want, then why have the day at all? At that point, you might as well elope! Actually, now that I said it…sounds sort of romantic, right?

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga at wqed.org

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DEAR NATALIE: Is it a red flag if my partner puts zero effort into romance, or is romance just something we’ve been taught to overvalue? I don’t need grand gestures or movie-level theatrics, but sometimes it feels like desire has just left the room. He doesn’t flirt with me. It’s all  just routine and “you know I love you.” Am I being unrealistic for wanting to feel pursued, or is romance actually how intimacy stays alive? And if romance matters to me but not to them, is that a mismatch — or something that can be rebuilt without begging for it? I think because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, I’m feeling extra sensitive and needy. But also, don’t I deserve to feel loved? - UNDERVALUED

DEAR UNDERVALUED: Let’s define romance. Romance is “the intentional expression of love, desire and emotional connection through attention, effort and imagination. It’s about making someone feel chosen, valued and wanted — not just loved in theory, but desired in practice.” Viewed through this lens, it’s easy to see why romance is necessary in a long-term relationship. It triggers chemical reactions in the brain when something “new” or joyfully unexpected happens. That’s why it feels good when your partner surprises you or flirts with you because it keeps you engaged. Not receiving those little “love hits” can feel depressing, for sure. But it’s also understandable why you wouldn’t want to “beg” for attention or kindness. The best way to overcome this obstacle is to go through it; you can’t avoid your way out. Be vulnerable. Write down your feelings if that makes it easier. Express your expectations and needs to your partner. If they cannot or will not meet you there, then you have to ask yourself: is this truly the right relationship for you?

DEAR NATALIE: I’m in a relationship that looks good on paper, but I’m actively engaging in a love triangle because it makes me feel alive. I haven’t slept with the other person, but we have kissed. I enjoy the secrecy more than I probably should. Part of me likes having two versions of myself: the responsible partner and the one who still sparks curiosity and desire in someone else. The person I’m “cheating” with is also a woman and I’ve been married to a man for almost 10 years. Am I chasing validation, or am I testing whether I’ve outgrown the relationship I’m in? The woman understands that I’m not trying to leave my marriage, but I also worry that if she gets bored she might tell my husband. And that turns me on even more. What is wrong with me? – TRIANGLE OF GUILT 

DEAR TRIANGLE OF GUILT: I don’t see how this ends well if you continue down this road. It’s not the kissing that concerns me so much as the lying. Do you really think your husband will be OK with the fact that you’ve been lying and sneaking around? How would you feel if the situation were reversed? You need to end this affair, even if you think it’s harmless, because someone will get hurt. The fact that you like the idea of her telling your husband what’s going on is also an indicator that you may be on relational thin ice. If you don’t want to be married anymore, or if you’re having second thoughts about your relationship, talk to your husband. Being in this triangle may seem like a fun escape, but you’re potentially making things far more painful down the road. Figure out what you want and what’s best for your future. The lies will only amplify the pain.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: Destination with Natalie Bencivenga at wqed.org

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: @FactsOverFearNatalieB

DEAR NATALIE: My partner still brings up a night from three years ago when I lied about who I was texting, even though we went to therapy and officially “moved on” from the situation. It was a moment of weakness on my part and I haven’t talked to the person-in-question since. He only brings it up when it’s convenient, like during unrelated fights, usually right when I’m trying to make a different point. When I call it out, they say I’m “controlling the narrative” and refusing accountability. I feel like I’ve apologized every way a human can apologize, but I’m also scared that asking them to stop means I’m minimizing the original hurt. How do you tell when accountability has turned into a permanent power imbalance? –CAN’T MOVE ON DEAR CAN’T MOVE ON: At a certain point, your partner needs to put this to rest. It was a minor infraction and did not materialize into anything significant or physical. It also happened years ago. It appears he is using it to deflect from issues he does not want to address during heated moments, or to make you feel bad so you will back down during an argument. In either case, this is not a healthy way to repair a relationship. The next time he raises it, make clear that it will be the last time you discuss it. He claims to have forgiven you but clearly has not let it go. You cannot move forward this way. He needs to put it to rest, or stop engaging with him whenever he continues to bring it up. Period.

DEAR NATALIE: I got a promotion that changed my schedule, my income, and how I see my future. My partner says they’re proud, but their behavior shifted immediately. They make jokes about me “joining the ruling class,” seem less interested in my day, and occasionally suggest I’m becoming harder to be around. I can’t tell if they’re insecure, grieving the old version of our relationship, or quietly hoping I’ll self-sabotage to restore balance. Do successful relationships survive asymmetrical growth, or do they just pretend not to notice it? –ALLOWED TO BE SUCCESSFUL

DEAR ALLOWED TO BE SUCCESSFUL: Some of this may stem from his own insecurities about his professional life or how he values himself. However, that does not excuse him for treating you as if you have done something “wrong” by achieving a new level of financial and professional success. You are still you — just maybe with a few nicer handbags. Have you talked about this with him? Asymmetrical growth can happen in any relationship, whether romantic or between friends. It is the distance that grows between people when one feels left behind that can create tension or drive a wedge between them. The best approach is to talk with him and clearly express how you feel. You want to grow together. That may not always happen at the same rate. At times, you may move in different directions, but open communication and a willingness to meet each other where you are can help you get back on track. If he cannot or will not do that, then how can you build a future together?

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her newsletter on Substack: Facts Over Fear