DEAR NATALIE: I’m pro-therapy. Enthusiastically. I think everyone should go. I’ve recommended therapists to friends. I’ve even considered going myself. This is not an anti-therapy stance. That said: my girlfriend screenshots our text arguments and sends them directly to her therapist. Every time we disagree. Not selectively. Not the big, scary fights. All of them. Tone debates. Misunderstandings. The petty stuff that starts with “I didn’t mean it like that” and somehow escalates into a 40-message spiral. She says it helps her “process” and “gain perspective.” Which, sure. Fine. Growth. Love that for her. But now every disagreement feels like it’s being transcribed for the emotional Supreme Court. I’m no longer just arguing with my girlfriend. I’m literally pre-arguing with an unseen, licensed third party who will later review my wording like evidence. I don’t know when our relationship became a case study, but I’m suddenly hyper-aware that everything I text could end up in a therapist’s inbox, stripped of context, tone, and the fact that I was hungry when I sent it. I’ve started rereading my messages like I’m preparing for cross-examination. I don’t want to police how she uses therapy. I don’t want to tell her what she can or can’t share. But I also didn’t consent to being a recurring character in her sessions, especially one whose dialogue is pulled from screenshots taken mid-fight. So am I being unreasonable for feeling weird about this? – STOP THE SCREENSHOT

DEAR STOP THE SCREENSHOT: As a former therapist, this behavior from your girlfriend would annoy the hell out of me. What kind of therapist even has the time to read and decipher screenshots outside of your therapy sessions? Is she being compensated for this insanity? And now because of this situation, you can’t even enjoy the relationship because you are worried about how everything you said may be used as fodder for your next session together. I would literally hate this. On every level. As both you and as a therapist. She needs to cool it and I would bring this up during your next session. You aren’t comfortable with this. It’s crossing boundaries. It’s creating a sense of mistrust. Whatever you are feeling, bring that to everyone’s attention. This isn’t therapeutic, it’s just mean girl nonsense. 

DEAR NATALIE: My best friend dropped an emotional grenade and walked away. Right before my wedding, she told me she’s been in love with me for years. Years. And she chose to tell me this twenty-four hours before I was supposed to stand in front of everyone I love and promise my life to someone else. I didn’t call off the wedding. I didn’t run. I didn’t dramatically reconsider everything at dawn. I put on the outfit, said the vows, kissed my partner, and got married. I love my spouse. I chose them. I still choose them. But, now I keep replaying old memories, wondering if I missed something obvious or rewrote history to make it safer. Was there ever a moment where this could have been real? Or is this just the human brain romanticizing an impossible scenario because it arrived wrapped in high drama and terrible timing? I haven’t talked to her about it since. We act normal. We text. We see each other in group settings. It’s all fine in the way things are “fine” when everyone is politely pretending nothing irreversible happened. I don’t want to hurt my marriage. I don’t want to disrespect my partner or introduce doubt where there doesn’t need to be any. But, this all feels too big to hold and never share. So do I bring it up again and risk reopening something that could unravel everything? Or do I let this secret die, swallow the what-ifs, and protect the life I chose? – BEST WORST FRIEND

DEAR BEST WORST FRIEND: I don’t like this at all for you. Why did she wait until the very last minute to share something that is so life-altering? It was selfish and disrespectful. Selfish in that this was all about her feelings and her need to center herself in what should be your moment. Disrespectful not just to you, but to your relationship with her and the relationship you have with your partner. I would take a big step back from her. This isn’t about what she said but when she said it. She has now planted seeds of doubt in your mind about your marriage when there didn’t need to be. What kind of friendship can you have at this point, anyway? Put some distance between you and her for a while until things cool down. And ask yourself this: If the tables were turned, would you have done that to her? And if not, why? It’s 2026. We aren’t pouring into people anymore that only care about themselves. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My fiancé’s ex-wife still has a key to his house and uses it whenever she feels like it. I recently moved in with my fiancé, and last week his ex-wife let herself in while I was home alone because she “needed a file.” He says it’s not a big deal because they co-parent peacefully, but I feel like a guest in my own home. We have plans to get married this fall, and I am worried she will still expect this level of freedom once I am his wife. Is this harmless co-parenting, or a red flag the size of a divorce decree? —NO KEYS, PLEASE

DEAR NO KEYS, PLEASE: You need to put your foot down on this issue immediately. This is not her house anymore, and there have to be boundaries set. It’s nice that they get along well, and I can understand his desire to keep the peace, but he also needs to recognize that the relationship has to shift in order to move forward. He needs to ask her for his key back. If she asks why, he can simply say that since he’s getting married, it’s a bit weird and awkward for you. There is truly no reason for her to have a key at this point, anyway, so he might as well just do it now. Happy wife, happy life, right? Hopefully he’s figured that out this second time around.

DEAR NATALIE: My partner of 11 years and I are currently in a good place. We went through a rough patch over the summer, and I became pretty close to his best friend during our separation. Nothing happened, but we talked constantly—and still do. We have chemistry that feels impossible to ignore at this point. What do I do with feelings that threaten to blow up everything, especially now that I’m back in a good place with my partner?�—CONFUSED BY LOVE

DEAR CONFUSED BY LOVE: Are you in a good place or do you think you were in a good place in the absence of fighting? Is this just the lull between battles with yourself or with him? While you might be going through this existential crisis, your partner’s friend might just be thinking this is all in good fun. Don’t assume he’s on the same level of emotional connection. Talk to him about how you feel. If he doesn’t have these feelings, then you need to cool it. If he does have these feelings, then you both need to decide whether you want to blow up a relationship of more than a decade and whether he wants to ruin a friendship. Either way, this probably isn’t about his friend but about you wanting to escape your reality in some aspect. Ask yourself what is missing in your relationships. If you can work on repairing it, then do that. Otherwise, it isn’t fair to keep your partner on the line.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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Watch her NEW video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

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DEAR NATALIE: My partner insists we’re “private,” but it feels like we’re a secret. We’ve been dating eight months. He says he doesn’t like posting online because he’s a “private person,” but his ex was all over his old Instagram. My friends haven’t met him. His family barely knows I exist. Is he protecting his privacy or protecting his options? I suggested a family dinner for New Year’s Day, and he has yet to give me a straight answer. Am I crazy to think at this point I should know more about the people in his life? What should I do? — TOO PRIVATE

DEAR TOO PRIVATE: Something is off with this whole situation. Not posting about your relationship is one thing, but why hasn’t he introduced you to his family after almost a year of dating? Either he has another partner outside of your relationship, or he isn’t as “committed” to you as you may think. I would sit him down for a heart-to-heart and say that at this point in the game, if he can’t open up more of his life to you, then you aren’t sure what you are doing. Assuming you are dating to find a life partner, his behavior won’t allow you to build a strong foundation based on mutual respect and trust. If he can’t open up his world to you, then why waste any more of your time with him?

DEAR NATALIE: I did a hugely uncharacteristic thing the other day. I was at a music venue and left a comment on the band’s social media page making a series of rude comments on the band’s social media page. The next day, I felt so bad, I made an apology post. Then yesterday, I made an even more remorseful post. This is eating me up. I am in my late 60s and consider myself to be a generally good-natured person. I feel so terrible. How do I let go of this, and could this uncharacteristic behavior be something much worse? Like a sign of Alzheimer’s? I’m really spiraling here. Please help. — CAN’T SLEEP

DEAR CAN’T SLEEP: Isn’t it funny how some people care so much about the way the world perceives them while others say the cruelest, dumbest stuff online and never look back at their ignorance or cruelty with any sense of introspection? Be glad you aren’t one of them. You are a human being, and we make mistakes on occasion. You apologized for your (small) transgression. Who knows if the band even read it? If they did, perhaps they just rolled their eyes and moved on. Even so, you left a few apologies, so give yourself some grace on this one and just let it go. If the reason this has you so ruffled has to do with your mental health, I would recommend you contact your doctor, if you have one, or reach out to a therapist to get their take on this situation. It’s not that deep. Most likely, you were just having a bad day and projected it onto the universe. If you continue to find yourself lashing out, could it be from stress? Are you sleeping enough and taking care of yourself? Plan some time to reflect on what helps you destress, center yourself and bring joy. You deserve that much.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

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