DEAR NATALIE: My partner insists we’re “private,” but it feels like we’re a secret. We’ve been dating eight months. He says he doesn’t like posting online because he’s a “private person,” but his ex was all over his old Instagram. My friends haven’t met him. His family barely knows I exist. Is he protecting his privacy or protecting his options? I suggested a family dinner for New Year’s Day, and he has yet to give me a straight answer. Am I crazy to think at this point I should know more about the people in his life? What should I do? — TOO PRIVATE

DEAR TOO PRIVATE: Something is off with this whole situation. Not posting about your relationship is one thing, but why hasn’t he introduced you to his family after almost a year of dating? Either he has another partner outside of your relationship, or he isn’t as “committed” to you as you may think. I would sit him down for a heart-to-heart and say that at this point in the game, if he can’t open up more of his life to you, then you aren’t sure what you are doing. Assuming you are dating to find a life partner, his behavior won’t allow you to build a strong foundation based on mutual respect and trust. If he can’t open up his world to you, then why waste any more of your time with him?

DEAR NATALIE: I did a hugely uncharacteristic thing the other day. I was at a music venue and left a comment on the band’s social media page making a series of rude comments on the band’s social media page. The next day, I felt so bad, I made an apology post. Then yesterday, I made an even more remorseful post. This is eating me up. I am in my late 60s and consider myself to be a generally good-natured person. I feel so terrible. How do I let go of this, and could this uncharacteristic behavior be something much worse? Like a sign of Alzheimer’s? I’m really spiraling here. Please help. — CAN’T SLEEP

DEAR CAN’T SLEEP: Isn’t it funny how some people care so much about the way the world perceives them while others say the cruelest, dumbest stuff online and never look back at their ignorance or cruelty with any sense of introspection? Be glad you aren’t one of them. You are a human being, and we make mistakes on occasion. You apologized for your (small) transgression. Who knows if the band even read it? If they did, perhaps they just rolled their eyes and moved on. Even so, you left a few apologies, so give yourself some grace on this one and just let it go. If the reason this has you so ruffled has to do with your mental health, I would recommend you contact your doctor, if you have one, or reach out to a therapist to get their take on this situation. It’s not that deep. Most likely, you were just having a bad day and projected it onto the universe. If you continue to find yourself lashing out, could it be from stress? Are you sleeping enough and taking care of yourself? Plan some time to reflect on what helps you destress, center yourself and bring joy. You deserve that much.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

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DEAR NATALIE: I broke up with a terrific guy over his mother’s behavior. We’ve been dating for a few months, and his mother is showing her true colors. I have a very stressful job, which can cause my complexion to break out with cystic acne. Although I’m on medication, it flares up under extreme stress. This past week, while at his parents’ home for dinner, his mother exclaimed, “What is on your face?” I was so embarrassed that I got up from the table and drove myself home. Before I left, I heard him holler at her. He tried to stop me, but I just couldn’t go back into the house. I told him I didn’t see a future with such an awful potential mother-in-law. Later that night, his mother called to apologize. I thanked her for the call and hung up. The phone rang immediately — it was him asking why I had hung up. I told him I appreciated her apology, but there was no future for us with such an awful mother in the picture. He was stunned. Now I’m second-guessing myself. Should I try again with him, knowing what type of person she is? I read so many stories about unpleasant mothers-in-law. -MEAN MOTHER

DEAR MEAN MOTHER: I have found in life that when we ignore our instincts, we create unnecessary problems for ourselves. Your entire being rejected this encounter — you literally fled to get away from her. Don’t take that visceral reaction lightly. When we think about marriage, we also have to think about the family we inherit. While I respect that she called to apologize, we don’t know how much prodding her son had to do to get her to pick up the phone. The fact that he called you immediately afterward suggests he may have encouraged her to make amends for his sake. I appreciate his desire to fix things, but you have to follow your instincts. Life is hard enough. Why make it harder with a potential mother-in-law ready to point out every flaw?

DEAR NATALIE: I found out my husband is texting his ex when he’s drunk. He promises it “means nothing” and says he never sees her in person. But the messages are flirty and emotional, and he never remembers sending them because he’s blackout drunk. Is this a drinking problem? Is this how he really feels? I can’t help but think he doesn’t want me and secretly wants her. He says that’s not true and that I’m the love of his life. But how can I believe that when he’s blowing up her phone? What’s worse, she responds with cute emojis. She knows we are married. The whole thing is upsetting on another level. What should I do? I love my husband, but I can’t live with this much uncertainty about how he feels. — DON’T TEXT THE EX 

DEAR DON’T TEXT THE EX: Why does he even have her number? That’s the first question. The second is why he’s getting so drunk that he doesn’t remember doing this.

There are two separate issues feeding each other here: his need for attention and his relationship with alcohol. If this marriage has a chance of surviving, he needs to acknowledge that drinking is a problem and seek help. He also needs to cut all ties with his ex. Couples therapy would help you work through the trust issues, and individual counseling could help him get to the root of his binge drinking. If he refuses to do any of these things, then his words — “you’re the love of my life” — are meant to pacify you and nothing more. I hope that’s not the case.

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Watch her NEW show with WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga

Subscribe to her Substack: @factsoverfearnatalieb

DEAR NATALIE: My wife says she’s “not attracted to me lately” and blames it on work stress. She insists it’s temporary and tied to office burnout, but I’ve noticed she’s also started dressing up more for the office and guarding her phone. I want to believe her, but I’m terrified this is the beginning of the end. She’s also going out of town on a work trip, and when I asked if I could come, she said it would be “boring” and that she wants some time alone. How do you tell the difference between stress and drifting? We’ve been married four years, and I was hoping we would start a family soon, but now I’m not so sure. – WORRIED PARTNER

DEAR WORRIED PARTNER: She is being secretive, and while it could be nothing, I would want to know what is going on. Perhaps someone at work has caught her eye. Maybe she’s just bored and trying to feel better by embracing fashion. The problem is that it’s easy to speculate and make yourself anxious. It’s time for a heart-to-heart. Whatever the situation is, the monster in the dark is always scarier than the one in the light. Let her know you’re worried about your relationship and want to work on your connection. See what she says. If she’s tired and says so, let it go for now. But if she acts defensive, I would start to question her more directly. Your marriage clearly matters to you. Does it matter to her? After she comes back from her work trip, you might have more clarity. How does she react to you when she gets home? If you still feel the distance, it may be time to make an appointment with a couples counselor. And if she doesn’t want to go, you should go yourself to gain insights and tools to use in your relationship. Marriage takes work, but both people need to be committed to the process for it to thrive. If she won’t join you on the journey, then what are you doing together? 

DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend says marriage is “just paperwork,” but I want the commitment. We’ve been together for six years. I want to be his wife. But he says it’s just a “government contract with a cake.” Everything else in our relationship works — shared home, shared dog, shared life. But I’m starting to worry he’s keeping an escape hatch open. How do you know when the desire for marriage is a dealbreaker? Am I just being difficult? – MARRIAGE ON MY MIND

DEAR MARRIAGE ON MY MIND: A lot of people feel marriage is nothing more than a legal document, but there is value to that document. While it is not necessarily a sexy conversation, our society is structured to financially favor married couples. Tax benefits are one reason some people choose to marry. Putting together a will is also simpler when you are legally married and not just cohabitating. The same goes for medical concerns: What happens if you’re in the hospital? There are many advantages to having a spouse when it comes to decision-making, hospital access and even health insurance. The longer you’re together, the more important these factors may become. So even though it’s not romantic to frame the conversation this way, it’s practical; and practicality might resonate with him. If not, you’re allowed to set boundaries for yourself. If marriage is a dealbreaker for you, that matters. Good luck!

Send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga:

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com.

Subscribe to her Substack: @factsoverfearnatalieb

Watch her show on WQED: “Destination with Natalie Bencivenga” now streaming on YouTube and at wqed.org.

Watch her video series with Pennsylvania Capital Star, Week in Focus: www.penncapital-star.com

Follow Natalie on Instagram and TikTok @NatalieBencivenga