DEAR NATALIE: I’m acquaintances with the wife of a politician who has recently come under a lot of heat for his beliefs. She’s something of a public figure, as well, and hasn’t spoken up in opposition or support of what he’s running his mouth about. This is making me really upset, as I feel like she’s on the wrong side of history. Part of me wants to shake her because her husband is so obviously wrong. She has recently been asking me to accompany her to events, but I’m not really comfortable doing that because I don’t want to be publicly associated with them. How can I talk about this with her? I don’t want to miss an opportunity for a good conversation, but part of me wants to fade off into the distance. – LETTING GO
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DEAR LETTING GO: What is it that you want to accomplish if you confront her over this issue? The reality is, whatever is being said between them behind closed doors isn’t going to be brought into the public sphere. Like most politicians’ spouses, their job is to stand by their side. It can be unfortunate when someone you admire takes a hard turn away from the values that you ascribed to them. But you are under no obligation to align yourself with her at this moment if it doesn’t feel right. You can just thank her for the invitation when and if she asks you to do things, and let her know that you are busy. If she wants to meet in private to discuss how she feels or how politics is impacting your friendship, then that’s your call. People make their beds. This may be one of those moments where there isn’t a way forward together – at least not right now.
DEAR NATALIE: Last week I went out to dinner with a friend and saw my business partner on a date with a woman who was not his girlfriend. (I’m pretty sure he doesn’t kiss his female friends). He didn’t see me, and I’m not sure what to do. I’m close with his girlfriend and they’re getting married in six months. I know that she values monogamy. I don’t want to blow up their relationship – or the business we own together – but I don’t want her to find out down the road, and be hurt that I didn’t tell her. Plus, if he’s lying to her, is he lying to me? How can I bring this up to him? – KISS AND TELL
DEAR KISS AND TELL: This is so tricky because there are a lot of different dynamics at work here. Considering you are both friends with her and in business with him, it does raise the issue that if he is willing to lie to her – would he lie or cheat you in your business venture together? There’s no cute way to go about this, so just be blunt. Tell him that you saw him and that he better have a great explanation because it impacts not only your friendship with his girlfriend, but your working relationship, as well. People are impulsive. It may have just been that. But, if he is lying and cheating on her, there’s nothing that will stop him from doing the same in other areas of his life. Better to know what is going on now so you don’t have a big financial mess to clean up down the road. If he’s unhappy, he needs to address that with her, instead of creating drama for you.
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