DEAR NATALIE: My wife has been ill for some time and while I love her deeply, we aren’t able to be intimate at this point in our lives. The thought of not having sex for months – or even years – has me incredibly nervous. Trying to be proactive, I started looking online for sex dolls. I thought this would be a fine compromise. I ordered one recently and while I haven’t had the nerve yet to engage with it, I’m more anxious about telling my wife that it exists. We don’t sleep in the same bedroom due to her health issues, but I am honestly feeling like having ordered the doll makes me a “cheater.” I think telling her would hurt her feelings. At the same time, I don’t want to hide things from her. Only my best friend knows and he said it’s not a big deal and that I shouldn’t tell her. He’s divorced, so it's easy for him to say. I don’t know how long my wife has left and I don’t want to feel even worse about her situation than I know she already does. What should I do? – SEX DOLL OR DON’T

DEAR SEX DOLL OR DON’T: I am so sorry to hear about your wife and what this has done to your marriage. I feel for both of you. It is important to remember, however, that your sexuality belongs to you. Having sexual desires is a part of being human, and is nothing to be ashamed of. While we share ourselves with our partners, you still belong to you. What do you consider cheating? Does this object keep you from cheating? In the past, how have you communicated about your sex life together? These are a few of the questions that swirled through my mind after reading your letter. The boundaries you set up in your marriage are the ones that will help you answer these questions. If you tell her and she says not to use it, then what? Would you use it behind her back? Would that cause you or her harm if you did? Is it fair for her to even make that demand on you? While she is sick, she must understand that you have needs. As long as you are attentive and loving when you spend time with her and don’t allow this object to come between you, what is the harm? If you don’t tell her, will you feel guilty? Will that guilt lead you to tell her, anyway? It sounds as though you care deeply for your wife and love her. Just be honest with her about where you are. She may feel sad or rejected. She may feel hurt that she isn’t able to give to you in that way. She may feel relief. You really won’t know until you discuss it. Put it on the table and see what happens. The conversation – not the doll.   

DEAR NATALIE: My husband, Dylan, was caught cheating on me by his brother. Dylan had taken his girlfriend out to dinner and his brother happened to be at the restaurant. His brother assumed they were just friends and so he told me what he saw. When I confronted my husband, he broke down and admitted that he has been seeing this other woman for three years. Three. Years. We’ve been married 12 years and I thought we were happy. We have two little girls. Needless to say, I am heartbroken and disgusted that he could lie to me for so long. What’s worse, the woman didn’t know about me. When she found out, she dumped him. I know all of this to be true because she called me to apologize. She was furious with Dylan. He travels a lot for work so I assumed his business dinners or weekends away from the family were for work. Many of them were not. Now that she has left him, he is begging me for a second chance. I am torn. I am so hurt and furious with him, but I still love him and I am thinking of our children. What should I do? My friends think I’m crazy for even considering it. What do you think? – IN LOVE LIMBO

DEAR IN LOVE LIMBO: No one should dictate how you want to approach your marriage or his infidelity. If you feel as though you need to try all the options before deciding whether to stay or go, then do that. Go to therapy. Make sure he does, too. Try couples counseling. Have the hard conversations. Take a family vacation. Do whatever it is that you need to do to feel as though you have regained some power here. Remember, he’s the one that needs to prove to you that things can be different. What led him to cheat in the first place, and can those conditions change in the future? What concerns me is not only that he had a years-long affair, but that he lied to both of you about it. This duplicity is a huge red flag for me. I'm glad you recognize that his (now ex) girlfriend is your ally, not your enemy, in this. You deserve to have control in terms of what happens next. The words “I’m sorry” are easy to say. Repairing the damage and rebuilding trust takes a lot longer. Let’s see if he can actually walk the walk. In the meantime, he needs to walk over to the couch where he will be sleeping for the foreseeable future. But, if it was me? All his clothes would be on the front lawn by now. And I’d be running the mower.

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DEAR NATALIE: In 2021, four of my "best friends'' and I started a business. We split the starting capital of $8,000 evenly and set up the LLC as 20% owners. Friend “A” was unemployed and wanted to work on the business full time, handling the brunt of the day-to-day work. Friend “B” was employed, but after our first event was a success, they decided they would quit and start working for the LLC full-time. Friend “C” was employed full-time and made it clear they had limited time to commit to the business. Friend “D” was pregnant and an independent contractor who also had limited involvement in business after getting it up and running. We worked for several months before our first event, which was an undeniable success. Shortly after, friend “D” had her child. It was also around this time “A” and “B” attempted to be punitive towards “C” and “D” because they felt resentful that they were doing most of the work, and it was harder than they had anticipated. We had been paying ourselves $1,000 for each event (as our revenue was in the $30,000 - $60,000 range per event) to this point. Friends “A” and “B” started pushing "buy-outs" on friends “C” and “D” claiming it was the fair and moral thing to do. Natalie, by our fourth event we had revenue of over $150,000! Their buyout offers were for $5,000 and $8,000 respectively -- those numbers have never been explained. “C” and “D” were shocked and stated they were not interested in selling. They felt that “A” and “B” should get paid employee salaries, and all owners should maintain guaranteed payments of $1,000 per event. Overall profits could be split at the end of the year. After this, since they did not agree,  friends “A” and “B” hijacked the bank accounts and have not paid the other owners a dime since. They are of the opinion that they are in the right and that “C” and “D” should just take what was offered to them. Natalie, our business has now made over $1 million in revenue and “A” and “B” still think $5,000 and $8,000 are fair offers. Meanwhile, “C” and “D”  have not seen any return on their investments, while “A” and “B” pay themselves whatever they want and have access to thousands of dollars in the piggy bank of cash per event. While it may be inevitable, all four would like to avoid court. There was never an operating agreement put in place. What are your thoughts? Does this situation entitle “A” and “B” to the entirety of the company? “C” and “D” never promised to be involved day to day and were vocal about that from the beginning to manage expectations. Did “A” and “B” let their greed and ego take over once they saw how much money the business was making? Who's being unreasonable here? Your insights are appreciated. – “E”

DEAR E: As someone who has started two businesses – and one with a partner – it is imperative that you get everything in writing. You have to establish everyone’s roles and responsibilities, their share of the company, and many other components that go into having a healthy working relationship. This is even more important if you start off as friends. Think of your operating agreement as your business prenup. Everything is laid out ahead of time so that there are no surprises. Yes, this means you have to connect with a lawyer and spend the money. Now that you are in this situation, there are two ways to play this. Either you agree to use the company money to pay a lawyer to work up an agreement that is beneficial for all parties involved, or you go to court. The fact that “A” and “B” have hijacked the account is of real concern to me. The disrespect that they have shown the rest of the partners cannot be understated. Do you even want to continue with “A” and “B”? Is it a better solution to dissolve the company and work with “C” and “D” on a new venture? “A” and “B” aren’t “entitled” to anything. This is a classic case of greed ruining relationships. It would have made more sense to have “A” and “B” take salaries since they were working full-time and pay everyone as an owner their share of the profits. Instead, they have stolen from people, denied their partners compensation, and even further attempted to gaslight everyone into thinking that they are blameless. The bigger question is: Why work with them moving forward? 

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter has talked to me about her relationship with her college professor – he’s being helpful to her academically speaking, but I’m wondering if it’s crossing lines. She’s told me that they spend a lot of time together off-campus. For instance, he’ll be alone for the holidays and has invited her to spend time with him, since she won’t be traveling home to spend it with us. She’s an adult who can make her own choices and navigate her own relationships, but I’m nervous that an inappropriate relationship may reflect negatively upon her, and that he won’t suffer any of the consequences.

– CONCERNED MOTHER

DEAR CONCERNED MOTHER: Tale as old as time, isn’t it? Man in a position of authority falls for a young woman. Relationship ensues and (most likely ends) in a mess. Mom cleans up said mess and comforts daughter. Man continues on, unscathed. Cynical? Yes. Accurate? Also yes. Is there anything you can do? No, not really. If he does show interest in her – she could speak well beyond her years and say that while she is flattered, it isn’t appropriate for her to date him while she’s his student. Once the semester ends, however, things could be different. Will she do that? Who knows? Should it be on her to do that? Absolutely not. Like my grandma always said, “Men think with the wrong head.” You’ve given her your advice but you can’t live her life. The most you can do is be a source of support to her by keeping the door for conversation open. Maybe you can offer her your experience in a similar situation from when you were younger, without getting too preachy. Part of life is the mistakes we make, what we learn and how we grow from them. I wish we could protect everyone we love, but we have to let them go and see what happens. People do surprise me. Maybe things will turn out better than you think.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: This is the first holiday season that my partner is sober. I want to make sure they’re comfortable – I’m willing to not drink so that they don’t feel like they’re the only one that’s off the booze, but I can’t speak for the rest of my family. We are a big New Year’s Eve family and we all get together. It can get pretty wild and there is a lot of alcohol flowing. We skipped Christmas this year because it felt critical to take it easy and avoid potential triggers for my partner, and now I’m feeling like doing the same for NYE. However, my family was pretty mad that we didn’t make it to Christmas and my mother is insisting that we attend NYE. How do I explain to them that I don’t want my partner around a bunch of drunk people? I don’t want to be rude or impose my value system, but I am just doing this as an act of love and protection for them. Any ideas on how to navigate? My partner tells me I am overreacting and they are “fine” but I worry regardless. – SOBER NEW YEAR

DEAR SOBER NEW YEAR: How about a compromise? I applaud you for wanting to be there for your partner and for feeling protective, but it is their job to handle their sobriety – not yours. If you push too hard, you can end up policing them, which isn’t a good look, either. There are support groups out there for family and friends whose world has been rocked by addiction to look into, as well. Now, putting all of that aside for a moment, you could still go to New Year’s Eve, but just stay for an hour. Pop in, say hello, drop off holiday gifts, make the rounds and sip a soda — then head out. Be clear with your mother about why you are cutting the trip short if you haven’t already explained. If they don’t understand or are still miffed, that’s on them. Your partner’s health is the priority here, and I applaud you for standing in solidarity. Just make sure you do it in a way that is healthy for you, and remember that they have agency around this as well.

DEAR NATALIE: I’m a young, healthy person that works in food service and has a couple of creative side hustles. I’m around a lot of people at my job, although I wear a mask. I’m frustrated, especially as it gets colder out and activities shift to inside, that people seem like they’re totally done with wearing masks everywhere I go. We know that the government won’t take care of us. Companies don’t care. How can I continue to live safely without totally socially isolating myself? How can I deal with the ongoing trauma of the time we’re living in?  – COVID NIGHTMARE

DEAR COVID NIGHTMARE: It is beyond frustrating to watch what has happened in this country – and around the world – over the past three years. We cannot individually save ourselves in the midst of a public health crisis. And yes, it is a crisis. We now know the long-term ramifications of long-COVID and the dangers of reinfection. We are now seeing surges in the flu as well as other respiratory viruses like RSV. We know our hospital systems are at a breaking point. We know that our healthcare system is broken with millions uninsured or underinsured. All of this impacts who gets treatment and how. None of this is new. What is new is this sheer lack of public interest, and collective gaslighting we experience when the world moves forward so unsafely. So what is a person to do? Instead of throwing your hands up and giving up, double down. I still wear my mask everywhere in public, whether it’s to my yoga class or grocery store. I avoid large gatherings in person when I can. I’ve given up on caring what other people think. I have immunocompromised people in my life. I want to keep them and myself safe and well as best I can. I can’t control what others do – and neither can you. All you can do at this point is mitigate risk, find others who are doing the same, and create safer ways to connect. For example, I’m incredibly particular about eating indoors during the winter. I won’t go to crowded restaurants. For the most part, I order takeout and invite friends over if we want to hang out. We do outdoor activities whenever possible, and I surround myself with people who accept me as I am. Don’t get it twisted. I don’t “enjoy” wearing a mask, but I look at it as a simple, effective and easy measure to reduce the risk of infection. If we can all just do this a little bit more, maybe we can make it through this winter unscathed. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci

Check out her weekly shows

“Ask Natalie” and “Facts Over Fear” on

Instagram: @NatalieBencivenga