DEAR NATALIE: I have a close circle of friends. Well, I thought they were close. Recently, my one friend got engaged and some of my friends threw her an engagement party but I wasn't on the list. I found out about the party after they posted photos on Instagram. I confronted my one friend who coordinated the event and she said because of COVID, they only wanted to have about 15 people at her house. I couldn't help but roll my eyes because she wasn't concerned about the pandemic all year and was out way more than she should have been. I am really hurt and suddenly feel like these friends aren't as close to me as I thought. My other friend told me not to take it personally, but how would they feel? Any advice on how to move on from this? I'm really upset. -LEFT OUT
DEAR LEFT OUT: It’s funny how social media can make everyone feel like they are back in high school. I’m sorry that you felt left out by your friends. It sounds as though the friend that planned it either didn’t realize it would upset you or was being thoughtless. In any case, your feelings were hurt. I am proud of you for sharing with her how you felt and for being able to express yourself. Don’t take it personally, is my advice to you on this one. Everyone can’t be invited to everything. If you want to spend time with your friend that just got engaged, offer to take her out for dinner or a drink to celebrate — just the two of you. Give your friend who planned the event a pass on this one and then see what happens moving forward. If you find that she continues to leave you out of things, you may need to talk to her again and make it very clear that she is hurting your feelings. If it persists, you may want to take a step back from her and guard yourself. Sometimes our definition of friendship and other people’s are not the same. Show up for the people you love and care about — but remember they need to show up for you, too.
DEAR NATALIE: My ex and I recently split up and I decided to keep my engagement ring. He is furious because it was a very expensive piece. I should know because I paid for half of it. I caught him cheating and ended things then and there. He doesn't seem that upset about us breaking up, and in fact seems more upset that I won't give up the ring. Who is right here? —THE RING IS MINE
DEAR THE RING IS MINE: I agree with you on this one. Considering that you paid for half of it and he was the one that broke off the engagement by cheating, I would argue that you have a claim to that ring. Some people may disagree -- and depending on the value of the ring you may want to consult an attorney -- but it is really wild to me that he would try to take it back after his actions. Stand your ground. He may give up when he realizes you're not willing to just roll over for him on this issue. Sell the ring, recoup what you can and invest it in something that will bring you stability moving forward. A happy life is truly the best revenge.
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