DEAR NATALIE: My mother-in-law is constantly opening and reading our mail. She lives very close by and watches our daughter often for us while we are working. I think she feels a little too comfortable about things and is very nosy. This is ridiculous and I told her I was not happy about it. She got upset because she thinks since she is looking at her son’s mail, she has the right to do so. She told me that I “should stay out of it.” She actually said that to me. Who’s right on this topic? —YOU’VE GOT MAIL

DEAR YOU’VE GOT MAIL: Talk about an overbearing mother-in-law! Opening your mail and then turning around and saying that you are the one who needs to mind your own business is delusional to say the least. I would not engage with her about this and instead go straight to your husband. She’s right, he is her son. He needs to deal with this. There is absolutely no reason for her to be going through your personal belongings. What else is she rummaging through when you aren’t around? He needs to tell her that it is unacceptable to go through your mail. If she can’t honor that very simple request, then maybe she shouldn’t be in your home as often. Maybe you should have your mother-in-law watch your daughter at her house until she can respect your space. It is not a lot to ask. She needs boundaries and your husband should to be the one to set them. In the meantime, hide your mail when you know she’s coming over. Put it in your bedroom or your home office and keep the door closed. I know that is absurd, but until she learns basic manners, what other choice do you have?

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend is fed up with living in the United States. COVID-19 really sent her over the edge and she has decided she wants to move back to her home in the Caribbean. She and I have been together for a long time and while I love going to the islands, I’m not sure I could live there full-time. Every time we discuss this, she gets really upset with me when I mention how hard of a transition that would be for me. She said she’s moving — with or without me. I don’t know what I should do. I can’t imagine being without her but it feels really drastic. Any thoughts? —MOVING DRAMA

DEAR MOVING DRAMA: These concerns are completely valid. Moving is a big decision and moving out of the country is an even bigger one! You won’t have your support system close by, so you need to feel secure in your relationship. If you have any hesitations, think this through. Quitting your job and upending your whole life for love may sound like a rom-com on Hallmark, but in reality, is it the healthiest thing to do? She has put herself first in this and doesn’t seem to care whether you come with her. I find that telling that she is willing to move no matter the cost. Is that the type of relationship you want to have? Where she calls all the shots and you either go along or get left in the dust? Relationships aren’t always fifty-fifty, but if one partner isn’t being considered in the big decisions, that is a giant red flag. Whatever you decide, make sure that you are factoring yourself into it. This isn’t just about her dreams. Yours matter, too. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

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DEAR NATALIE: My boyfriend and I have been living together for two years now. Things have been rocky from time to time but I was feeling really happy with our relationship until recently. I'm annoyed with him and it's for one reason: I feel like he has become really lazy within our relationship. I understand that we are comfortable with each other—and in a lot of ways I really like that—but certain things are starting to irk me. He doesn’t seem to make an effort. I know with the pandemic we can’t go out on dates like we used to, but he has just taken that to a whole new level. He doesn’t seem very invested in romance, anymore. He’s also been lazy with his appearance, too. He used to work out regularly but has stopped. He blames not feeling comfortable going to the gym because of Covid-19, but I have mentioned other options and he doesn’t like any of them. I would never break up with him because of this alone, but it's part of the larger problem. Additionally, it is not uncommon for him to be unshowered and just sloppy. What do you think I should do? I know this is a rough time for everyone, but I’m over this. —HAD ENOUGH

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: Reading this letter, I see two issues happening simultaneously: One being that you are feeling underappreciated and the other being that you haven’t grieved for what we have all lost. Take time to process this. Are your frustrations stemming from unacknowledged grief? Your relationship has changed. The world has changed. Nothing is the same as it was this time last year and nothing will be the same moving forward. Talk to your boyfriend about that. His recent lack of interest in life may be rooted in depression. He also has to grieve for things lost, too. Simple things like going to the gym and feeling good about himself may feel far away these days. Our society is refusing to talk about loss both collectively and personally. There is fear. There is anxiety. There are mounting concerns and the more we ignore them, the more we internalize them. Talk to him about how you feel neglected and vulnerable. He may not be aware that he isn’t giving you what you need. If you are embarrassed to tell him how you feel, write it down first and organize your thoughts. Try not to place blame. Instead, use “I” sentences and make it specific to the concerns raised in your letter. You are a team, so use this conversation to focus on how you can strengthen your relationship. He may be more receptive—and more relieved—than you think. 

DEAR NATALIE: I had a date a few weeks ago. It seemed to go well. The next day they texted me and said they were thinking that it wasn't the right time for a relationship. They do like me; but they are moving and just got out of a relationship. They want to be friends right now. I told them that I understood. I was sad but I respected their decision. I thought we would go back to being friends as we had been before. I texted them once or twice and they were friendly. Then I got a weird vibe. I texted to check in and they said they needed some space. I’ve been giving them space since that text. But I still like them. I don’t know how they feel about me. I’d like to know but I don’t want to intrude. We don’t seem to have a whole lot in common but I do really think we had a connection. I think I messed up. But I feel like if they don’t like me because I messed up on the timing of this then it’s not worth it. What do I do? I don’t know. —MESSED UP

DEAR MESSED UP: I’m trying to figure out where you messed up. I don’t see it. You seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself about this situation. Sharing how you felt isn’t “messing up.” In fact, I would consider that a good thing. You were open, honest and just wanted to know where you stand. Now, you have to take a step back. You can’t control this timeline and you can’t force feelings. Respect the fact that they are going through a lot, with moving and with getting out of a relationship. Not everyone can jump into new things right away. Take this time to focus on what makes you feel complete. Give yourself some space for a new hobby. Learn about a new subject. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself. If they come around, great. But don’t wait on them to move your life forward in a meaningful way. Try redirecting your energy and see what happens. You may surprise yourself!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: Is there any way to win my boyfriend back? I broke up with him at the beginning of the pandemic thinking I needed some space after four years together. I realize looking back at it now, I just needed a mental break from all of the stress related to Covid-19. I really miss him and feel like I made a huge mistake. I don’t think he is dating anyone new and we’ve been texting a little back and forth. Do you think there is a chance I could get him back? —MISTAKES MADE

DEAR MISTAKES MADE: The fact that he is still willing to text with you after you dumped him may indicate that there are still feelings there. I don’t know that for sure, of course, but usually if you are over someone you don’t engage with them after they’ve broken up with you. Then again, he could be a masochist. Let’s assume, though, that he is interested. What does that mean for you and your relationship? You have a big mountain to climb to win back his trust. But you won’t know where you stand until you talk to him. Now you just have to get up the nerve to admit that you made a mistake and want him back. You should also share with him how things will be different this time around. Apologize for the mistake of letting him go, but it was in that absence that you recognized how much he meant to you. Who knows? Maybe this time apart was something you both needed to realize your true feelings. We know what yours are. Now… you have to find out if he still feels the same.  

DEAR NATALIE: I am a newly divorced mom of two young boys. My ex-husband cheated on me over the last year and is now about to marry the woman that he had an affair with. I am devastated. I just want to be alone. But, my family and friends are pushing me to get back into the dating game, saying that if I wait too long, I won’t be able to find love again. Are they right? I honestly have no desire to date right now—especially because of Covid-19—and want to focus on getting my life back together. My children are my number one priority. I don’t even know if I ever want a relationship again. Is that wrong? Is it okay to be alone? —TABLE FOR ONE

DEAR TABLE FOR ONE: Having a romantic relationship can be a beautiful thing—if that’s what you want. In your case, you are reeling from heartbreak. It’s still very raw. You are entitled to give yourself as much space and time as you need to both process what happened and to heal from it. I know your friends and family mean well, but people have this idea in their minds that we aren’t complete without a significant other. It leads to so many people staying in unhealthy relationships or feeling depressed if they are single. We have to let go of these archaic and harmful societal pressures and build a world where people can find personal fulfillment and acceptance in a variety of ways. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to explore a deeper relationship with yourself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to prioritize your children during this difficult time. If you need more support right now, see a therapist to help navigate all of the emotions that might arise due to your husband’s infidelity. You are allowed to be alone. You are complete just as you are. You do not need a partner to be worthy of love. Please take this time to care for yourself and prioritize your mental and physical health. This pandemic is the perfect excuse not to date, anyway. When and if you feel ready to explore a potential new relationship, that is your decision. But in this moment, allow yourself space to heal, to reconnect with what matters, and to make new memories with your boys.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to

asknatalieadvice@gmail.com. Follow her on Twitter

@NatalieBenci and on Instagram @NatalieBenci