DEAR NATALIE: On a recent girls getaway, I experienced a very upsetting situation. My best friend and I drove an hour and a half to the coast for two days of planned activities to relax, recharge and blow off steam. It started badly. When I arrived to pick her up, she was not dressed, much less packed to go. She was crying and distraught, having been up all night with her new boyfriend. I had to help her dress, pack and get out the door. She spent the drive time venting about the boyfriend’s many faults and announced she was done with him. I gave her support, sympathy, a pep talk and tried to steer her into the present and our trip. It took several tries to bring her into the moment, but we did have fun together overall on the drive. The next day, we drove to a local attraction in the redwoods. Our fun was only dampened a bit when she insisted we go shopping for swimsuits to wear in the hot tub. I was not into shopping or hot tubbing that day. I wanted to walk on the beach and to show her the beautiful sights along the coast. She bought a suit, and off we went on our adventure and lunch. As we returned to our hotel, she was texting and she announced that her boyfriend was meeting her at the hotel with her swimsuit from home. She was going to meet him outside and then come up to our room. She disappeared — for THREE HOURS!!! I got concerned after she was gone an hour and sent her a text. She responded that he wanted to buy her an ice cream cone and she would be back. After two hours, I texted her again, asking where she was. She was at a beach that he wanted to show her and she would return shortly. I was in shock, as we had plans for the afternoon and boyfriend was not included in them. When she finally returned to the hotel room she said that she and boyfriend needed to talk. I was upset and said so because she didn't communicate about what was going on and when she would be back. In all the years we have been friends she has never behaved this way.

I am still angry and upset. It was not a relaxing vacation. She apologized and gave me one of her bargain swimsuits. I didn't want it, but she insisted. We missed out on some of the fun we had planned, and I have been puzzling over her odd behavior ever since. All I can imagine is that she, who was widowed a year ago, was desperate to have a man in her life for companionship and to be able to afford to stay in her house. I understand that. She appears to not be able to control herself or set boundaries for her boyfriend. They are still in the “honeymoon stage” of their relationship. All of us are 70-somethings, not 20! I am afraid I have lost my best friend. She is my favorite person, and we have had many adventures. My husband is a homebody, so she is the person I go with to shows, plays, dinner and fundraisers. I don’t see us doing them in the future, as boyfriend may intrude. Any advice on this situation?

-- UPSET ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR UPSET ON THE WEST COAST: An older woman once told me that your 70s are like a second adolescence. You are reliving your teenage years again, and she was loving it. I always thought that was an interesting way to think about aging, and I do think life comes in stages. Right now, your friend is back to being single again. She’s probably feeling a little lost, too. Being widowed when you have life to live would be both freeing and unsettling, and then compile that with grief over the end of her marriage and the death of her husband, along with financial stress, it’s no wonder she’s not acting like herself. But, don’t panic! Like the teenage years, this could just be a phase. She has to figure some things out for herself. Being up all night fighting with her new partner doesn’t bode well for the future of their relationship, and it is clearly impacting your friendship with her, as well. Talk this through with her. Be clear that you love her and only want what is best for her, but that since her husband died, you have been concerned for her. Regardless of your age, relationships are complicated: They are fun, they are intense and they can be frustrating. What she needs right now is a good girlfriend that she can lean on, someone that she can have fun with, and someone that she can count on to help her emotionally work through things. If you want your friend back, you have to walk this path with her. 

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Natalie’s Networking Tip of the Week: Dress for how you want people to treat you. If you are at an event, make sure you are dressed in a way that inspires you to feel confident and in control. Others will take note and will treat you accordingly.

DEAR NATALIE: At a recent gala, one of my single “friends” approached my husband while I was in the ladies’ room and asked him “why a good looking guy like him was sitting all alone?” She later asked him if she could “borrow” him for an evening out. She recently became single and is clearly on the prowl. It’s not like she doesn’t know that we’ve been happily married for decades. Subsequently, I told her that this was unacceptable, that I would appreciate it if she would keep her distance, and that she was not welcome to borrow him for any reason. She blew it off as a poor attempt at humor, but there is nothing funny about asking my husband to go out with her at night. Your thoughts? -- NOT FUNNY

DEAR NOT FUNNY: It wouldn’t be funny if someone asked to “borrow” my husband for the night. I feel sorry for this woman. She sounds really lonely and desperate. It’s sad that she feels as though her friendships are less valuable than having a man on her arm, but the truth is, not everyone can handle being alone. You definitely did the right thing in calling her out. Your marriage has lasted for decades because you care about it and are willing to defend it and I applaud you for that. I just hope she can keep her hands to herself and recognize that dating a married man will not bring her happiness. She needs to find that within herself first before she can sustain any healthy or positive relationships in her life, romantic or otherwise.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Crunched for time? Plan networking events in advance so that you are building them into your schedule and not trying to figure out last minute how to make it work. When you plan, it’s easier to stay committed to the process.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have been married a little over a year, and it seems as though the romance has left the room. He used to wine and dine me when we were dating, open the car door for me, leave me little love notes hidden in my suit jacket before work … now he doesn’t do anything like that anymore. He made a joke, saying, “What’s the point?” Ummm, the point is I feel neglected and unloved. He has totally changed, and I’m not happy about it. How do I get the romance back in our marriage? — UNLOVED HUBBY

DEAR UNLOVED HUBBY: How would he like it if you changed things about yourself that he fell in love with? My guess is, he wouldn’t. It isn’t a lot to ask of someone to hold the door open or treat you to dinner once in a while or slip a love note in your pocket. These little niceties are what keep relationships exciting and alive. If those are the things that you need from him, make it very clear that you are not happy with the trajectory of the relationship. To get back on track, try romancing him for a change. Maybe part of his reasoning for dropping the ball is because he feels it is a one-way street. Pick up his favorite take-out from a restaurant he likes when he’s working late or leave a little note in his jacket before work. Do something that is sweet and that will surprise him. It’s all the little things in life that make the biggest difference, so perhaps he just needs to be reminded of how good it feels to be in love.

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I’m having a bit of a problem with my marriage. Recently, my husband insists on knowing where I am at all times. He constantly calls me to “check in” with what I’m doing, and whenever the weekend hits, he never wants to do anything unless we do it together. It is really annoying. We also have two kids, and with him acting this way, it feels like three. Can’t he just trust me? I don’t bug him at work all day! -- TOTALLY ANNOYED

DEAR TOTALLY ANNOYED:I wonder why this behavior has suddenly appeared? Sometimes, when we feel insecure about something that we are doing ourselves, we project it onto other people. What is he doing during the day that maybe he is feeling guilty about? Is there something he is hiding? When he suddenly takes an interest in what you are doing with your time, it makes me wonder what he is doing with his. Investigate this. Is he worried you are having an affair? Is he having one? I’m not trying to sound the alarm, but there is clearly something else happening here below the surface. Either he has some sort of insecurity and fear that you are going to leave him, or he is doing something that he feels guilty about and is projecting that onto your marriage. Either way, sit him down and get to the bottom of this before he drives you (and himself) completely insane.

DEAR NATALIE: My girlfriend claims that I am no longer “emotionally available” after we discussed moving in together, and I told her I wasn’t ready for that. We have been dating only a year, and I’m just not ready for that step. We both turned 30 this year, and she is very focused on “taking things to the next step” — meaning marriage and children.

I’m very focused on my career right now and am not ready for any added pressure. I love her, but how do I convince her to slow down? — TOO MUCH TOO SOON

DEAR TOO MUCH TOO SOON: It is important that you are both on the same page as you move the relationship forward. Easier said than done. I don’t blame you for being career focused at your age, and I also don’t blame her for wanting to take things to the next step, either.

The answer depends on what you can both live with. If you aren’t ready to move in together yet, talk about a timeline that you feel is feasible. Maybe you don’t move in until you are engaged or when you both are more financially stable. Whatever your reasoning is, make it clear to her as to why you are waiting. Let her know that you love her and want to eventually take those next steps — assuming that you do! — but that the timing isn’t right. Then, the ball is really in her court. Find a compromise or move on.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Not someone who is good at starting conversations but know someone who is? Bring an outgoing friend with you to your next networking event with the intention of having him or her introduce you to people you want to meet. Your friend will get some new connections, too, and the satisfaction of helping you as well.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)