DEAR NATALIE: I’m really depressed. My marriage is crumbling after only four years and my husband wants out. We didn’t have kids, so I guess that’s good in a way. He can make a clean break. But all I seem to do is cry. The vows we took, the words we said,   does true love even exist anymore? I’m totally heartbroken and feeling as though we live in a loveless world. Do you think there really can be lasting love in the society we have created? --LOVE LOST

DEAR LOVE LOST: I’m so sorry that your marriage is ending. It is completely normal to cry. You are grieving over the death of your marriage and that is a powerful thing. Allow yourself this time to grieve and don’t worry whether it makes sense or not. As an eternal optimist, I believe there are chapters and seasons of life that ebb and flow. Recognize that this too shall pass, but it may take a long time. There may be days when you feel there is no love in the world. Feel whatever it is you need to feel, but don’t let these thoughts control you. Acknowledge them, let them wash over you and then allow yourself to think outside of them. Can love last? Absolutely. Does it last every time with everyone? No. But that’s OK. Try to examine your relationship and what you learned from it. What did you learn from each other? Take these lessons and apply them whenever you are ready to dip your toes in the dating pool again. It sounds as though you wanted to work on the relationship and he did not. But you can take this opportunity to work on yourself with a therapist. Find out what you need from a relationship, what you are able to give and how you can express your needs in healthy, productive ways. Sometimes an outsider’s perspective can show us things in ways we didn’t see before. Be alone for a bit. Date yourself. Recognize that love exists all around us, in many forms, in many ways. But it takes effort. It takes a deep understanding of self. It takes sacrifice, patience and tenacity. Like all good things, however, it is worth the work and risk of getting hurt again. You felt so deeply, which is why you are feeling so sad. How lucky you are to know that you can love at such a depth! Next time, I hope your partner is on the same page so that you can find a deeper, more passionate love together. I believe that you will.

DEAR NATALIE: I recently caught my girlfriend emailing her ex-boyfriend. (He broke it off with her a few years back). She claims that she was merely “catching up” after they ran into each other recently. But when I asked if I could read the email, she became defensive. What’s the harm? If she had nothing to hide, why is she acting so shady? --EX-EMAIL

DEAR EX-EMAIL: I can see this situation very clearly from both sides. On the one hand, I completely understand why you are feeling threatened. He broke up with her, which may make you wonder if she still carries a torch for him. If she is emailing him, could it have been a love letter of sorts? Maybe, maybe not. The bottom line is: Do you trust her? Has she ever given you a reason to think she has been unfaithful to you? Maybe she needed closure and wanted to write him a letter that explained her perspective on their break-up. Maybe she wanted to gloat about how happy she is in her current relationship. We don’t know, but if I were you, I would sit down with her and calmly explain that you are worried about the state of your relationship. It may be hard to feel that vulnerable, but you need to keep the lines of communication open. Do not accuse her of anything. Be rational. She did tell you, after all, that she had run into him. If she was up to not good, chances are she wouldn’t have even mentioned her run-in. I can also understand this from her perspective. It really could be an innocent email and she may have been taken aback that you wanted to read it. The fact that you wrote that you “caught her” implies that you think she was doing something wrong. You aren’t going to get anywhere with this approach, so I suggest you reach out to her in a way that is less aggressive. What is there to be jealous about, anyway? It was just an email. At the end of the day, she is with you and chooses to be with you. I bet if anything is going on, it will reveal itself one way or another. In the meantime, continue to work toward a healthy relationship together.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Networking can come naturally for some and not so naturally for others. But don’t let your shyness deter you from meeting new people. Have a friend introduce you to break the ice, or make it a goal to have just one meaningful interaction at an event so that you don’t feel overwhelmed.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE:  My credit was destroyed by my ex-girlfriend, who racked up huge bills on my cards before we broke up. I didn’t offer my cards. She would just take them when we would have a fight and go on a shopping spree. I’m a bus driver, I don’t have a ton of money, and I’ve been trying to save up to buy a house. But, of course, this has hurt my chances of getting a loan. I talked to a financial planner, and on the track that I am on, because I’ve been rebuilding my credit, he thinks in about a year I should be in better financial standing about all of the charges. There are still a few charges left on my card that she refuses to pay back. Do I let the charges ride and deal with the credit issues for another year, or should I pay them off even though they weren’t my charges? I feel really angry about the whole thing and I don’t want to pay them off, but my friends keep saying just do it and move on with your life. What should I do? —CREDIT WRECK

DEAR CREDIT WRECK: You are doing yourself more harm than good by letting those charges sit there out of spite. She and you are over. It sounds like that’s a good thing. Anyone who would act like that when they are in a fight with you is not someone you should want to be with. Clearly, you figured that out the hard way. If you can afford to pay down this debt, even if it is a little bit at a time, do so. Don’t let what happened in your past wreck your future. If you want to buy a home, better your life, find new love, whatever it is you can’t turn that page until this chapter is done. It may also be that you unconsciously don’t want to pay this off because that means the relationship is really over. Emotions are complicated and so are people. The only way to truly move on is to accept this situation for what it is, finish paying off the debt and get her out of your life forever. Only then will you be really free to move forward and begin again.

DEAR NATALIE: My father died not even two years ago, and my 81-year-old mother moved into an assisted living facility nearby. Recently, one of the residents has been dropping by every day to bring her gifts such as magazines, cookies, flowers ... you get the idea. She is being “courted.” He even stopped by just to show my mom some photos of his grandkids the other morning, and then they had coffee together. My mom thinks he is romantically interested in her. My parents were married for more than 50 years and while she is flattered, she has no interest in dating anyone. She’s so sweet, however, and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. How does one approach this subject? 

—AWKWARD ROMANCE

DEAR AWKWARD ROMANCE: There could be a happy middle ground here. Maybe he is interested in her, romantically speaking. Maybe he is lonely, too. Maybe having coffee together or bringing her gifts was too much too soon, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be friends. If she likes his company, she should just be honest about where she is in her life. She could say something like: “I enjoy our visits, but I am still very much married in my heart. I would like to be friends, though.” This will either put him off, which means he will leave her alone, or maybe it will open a door to have a friendly companion. Sometimes, as children, we have a tendency to want to parent our parents when they get older. And sometimes that is warranted. Other times, it is not. It sounds like your mother may want some company with one of her peers. Ask her what she wants. Be supportive in whatever that means, and put your own feelings aside. But, if this person is really obnoxious and bothering her to the point that she doesn’t want him to come around, you may have to intervene. You could say something like: “While my mom really appreciates you reaching out, she just isn’t ready for any new friends. I hope you understand.” I think we sometimes forget that people of all ages want relationships; they want love, romance and friendship. Don’t be so quick to assume that you understand or know what she may want, but also be there to support her with any decision she arrives at. As my gram always said: “Getting older is for the tough.” Trust your mom, and be there for her.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Just be yourself. Sound too easy? Sometimes when we are nervous, we have a tendency to “fake” it. Fight that. No phony laugh. No forced questions. Just be friendly and be yourself. Having that genuine touch is what keeps people intrigued and wanting to support you.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, Pa., 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am dating this guy and he is WONDERFUL. He is black and I am white and while he seems to be fine with that fact, I am starting to get worried about meeting his friends. I am worried about potentially having children together and not saying or doing the right things with our future kids. I am worried that people (like his family) will have a problem with our differences and not see how much we love each other. I am worried that we are moving too fast without having this conversation, but I don't feel like I should bring it up. I want to be with him. I want to spend my life with him, but I don't want things to become even more difficult for him. What should I do? -- WORRIED

DEAR WORRIED: The only way you are going to get over this hurdle is to go through it. You have to communicate your fears and concerns with him. He may be feeling the same way and not be sure how to broach the subject with you. Because race is an emotionally charged subject with plenty of underlying topics that need discussed, you may not feel equipped or ready for this conversation. But guess what? You never will be unless you have those uncomfortable moments and work through them. I wish we could live in a world where race wasn't divisive, but we clearly aren't there. So to move your relationship forward, you have to take off your blinders and try to see the world through the lens of another. Have open communication, commit yourself to education on the subject and be empathetic. These are great ways to bridge the divides you are feeling and become stronger together.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don't be afraid to speak up if you hear of a job opportunity that could suit your colleague or friend. You never know who may be interested in something that you may have to offer. Who knows, they may return the favor one day!

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)