life

Husband-to-be a total groomzilla? Hooking up with someone and you’ve developed feelings for them?

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | April 3rd, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: I recently got engaged and my fiance wants to be very involved in the wedding planning. He actually has “taken over” the plans and says that if he is contributing financially, then he wants to make decisions about the location, food, etc. But I am also contributing financially, and he has still shut me out. He even wants to go dress shopping with me and “approve” my gown. I don’t know how to tell him that this is ridiculous and to back off. He’s never acted this controlling before and it’s making me nervous about the wedding. Any suggestions?

--GROOMZILLA ON THE LOOSE

DEAR GROOMZILLA ON THE LOOSE: Let’s call it what it is. He isn’t a “groomzilla”. In fact, “bridezilla” and “groomzilla” are just nice ways of saying people that are completely out of control and feel free to terrorize others because it’s their big “day”. Give me a break. If you look at his behaviors, these are signs of a controlling person, not just someone who wants to have a beautiful wedding. The idea that he wants to “approve” your gown really isn’t sitting well with me. You should wear whatever you please on that day and any other day of the year. And while I don’t have any other insights into your relationship, I would think twice before marrying this guy. If this is how he is acting now, what will he be like after you are married? Unless he is willing to make some changes, I might consider running away, bride.

DEAR NATALIE: I have been seeing this guy for about two months. Our relationship is based mostly on hooking up. We meet up a few times a week, hook up, hangout for a little after, and then he leaves. But, lately I have started to develop feelings for him beyond just our encounters. How do I approach him and ask him if he wants to take things further and start a real relationship? I’m afraid he will reject me and then I will lose him all together. --WANTING MORE

DEAR WANTING MORE: This could definitely be the premise of a romantic comedy starring Tiffany Haddish and Ryan Reynolds, don’t you think? Here they are, two people just in it for the sex, and then one falls for the other...comedy ensues. In life, however, these situations can be a little more complex than they appear on the big screen. It is completely understandable why your feelings have changed. Whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not, intimate relationships bond people. The fact that he “hangs out” before leaving indicates that you are getting to know one another a little better. This is causing you to have a crush on the guy you sleep with. Awkward, right? The next time he texts you and suggests coming over, ask him if he would like to meet for coffee or dinner. Take this conversation out of the bedroom. Plus, if you really want to build anything with him, it’s better to start with your clothes on. Let him know that you really enjoy his company. Tread lightly, but, be honest. The truth is, now that you have feelings, it would be hard to go back to how things were. Better to get it out in the open. If he isn’t on the same page, you should find out now before you fall further and really get hurt. There are plenty of people out there that are looking for a relationship, so don’t let this situation keep you from looking for what you want. You deserve to have a relationship that is multi-faceted and dynamic. You deserve to have someone who cares about you on a deeper level. Never settle.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: If you are new to networking or maybe a little shy, try showing up early to an event. There are less people there and they are more likely to want to chat because there is no one around yet. Then, you’ve naturally integrated yourself into a group!

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

The Problem With RSVPs

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | April 1st, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: Our street has a ladies dinner group that meets every other month. I always give everyone two weeks notice to ramp up and a deadline date so I can get a reservation when necessary. Last week was the deadline for our next gathering. I reminded everyone the day before and even extended it two days to accommodate everyone's situations with school ending, vacations and visiting family. I told everyone when the reservation would be made and again afterward so those who didn't answer knew they missed the deadline. 

So about an hour after saying the RSVP was closed, I let everyone know who wanted to go but didn't RSVP on time that she would be wait-listed, my next-door neighbor responded "yes." I messaged, saying the reservation was made and she was wait-listed. 

She responded with, "Can't you just add one more?" I replied the restaurant is small, and it already can't seat all of us together as it is. Over the next few hours I had three more people RSVP "yes." I also told them they missed the deadline, but if anyone cancels I would let them know. They all said that it wasn't a problem. 

The next day, I received a message from my next-door neighbor saying she went to the restaurant to see if it could add one more to my reservation. In the meantime, I had already reserved another table to accommodate all of them because I am the hostess. But I feel offended that this woman went above and beyond just to get herself a seat at the table. Was just wondering what the correct and proper etiquette would be in this situation. -- OFFENDED HOSTESS

DEAR OFFENDED HOSTESS: This is one of those little annoyances in life that manage to get under our skin in the moment, but when you take a step back you realize this is not worth getting your blood pressure up. Your neighbor did overstep her bounds (as you were clearly the one organizing the event), but it sounds as though there was a communication breakdown on your end, too. While you told her that she would be wait-listed, you actually went and reserved another table, which was great! But she didn't know, and so she took matters into her own hands because she wanted to be with everyone. 

If I were you, I would just let it go, have a really good glass (or two) of wine at your dinner party, and next time, make it clear that when you say "wait-listed" what you really mean is, "I will try my best to get you a table or a seat at our table and will let you know if and when that happens." When sending out your invites next time, include in the email that there are only 20 seats (or whatever number) available, and the first 20 people who RSVP "yes" will be included. No waitlist. Then they are on their own if they want to try and call and reserve a table on the same night. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

How to Keep Personal Social Media Accounts Professional

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | March 29th, 2019

DEAR NATALIE: I am the executive director of a well-known nonprofit here in the city. I have a personal Facebook page but don't do much with it because I am afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and having it reflect poorly on my organization. I don't want to make my page "private," because I make a lot of good connections for the nonprofit through Facebook. However, I find myself avoiding it altogether because I don't want to say something that could be hurtful to my brand. Any suggestions for how to navigate the tricky waters of social media? (I find I have the same hang-up about Twitter, as well). -- AFRAID TO SPEAK

DEAR AFRAID TO SPEAK: This is a dilemma that plagues a lot of people in a similar position. Keep your personal page as "work focused" as possible. Meaning, if you wouldn't talk about it at the office to acquaintances, you probably shouldn't be posting it on social media. For example, people don't need to know your political thoughts (this will be divisive) or how you REALLY feel about whatever hot-button issue is making the rounds on CNN or every gory detail from your last doctor's visit. Keep your posts light and positive. Be uplifting and create a sense of community. This will work well for your brand as well as create positive energy around you. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Don't have any business cards? Make sure you get other people's and follow up with them within 24 hours to remind them who you and what you are doing, so that if there is a positive connection, you expand on it before they lose interest. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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