DEAR NATALIE: I am a 68-year-old man and my wife is a year younger. We have been married more than 45 years. I still have romantic needs, she does not. Any physical intimate contact is forbidden. She says being intimate makes her feel “cheap.” This issue has caused great tension and stress between us as I still desire a romantic, intimate life with her and it seems as though she does not. Can you suggest a solution for this problem? Thank you.  

--UNHAPPILY WED

DEAR UNHAPPILY WED: I find that the solution for most (if not every problem) is open and honest communication. You need to find out what is at the root of this. Maybe it is emotional. Maybe it is hormonal. Maybe she is not attracted to you for whatever reason. Maybe your romantic life has always been about you and not about her and she’s just over it. Instead of asking her to fulfill your needs, try asking her what her needs are. If you are uncomfortable doing this alone, find a reputable sex therapist to mediate these conversations. She may be uncomfortable with this idea, but make it clear to her that you love her and want to strengthen your marriage. You may be surprised at the answer. Perhaps she needs romance outside of the bedroom in order for her to get in the headspace for the bedroom. Do you still date? Do you still take her out to dinner or bring home flowers for no reason or clean the house without her having to ask you? When was the last time you cooked her dinner or encouraged her to take a day to herself and spend time doing something she loves independent of you or your family? Do you listen when she speaks, engage in thoughtful conversation together and laugh together? Romance starts in the mind, and it seems as though you are disconnected mentally as well as physically. If you try counseling and she still doesn’t want to participate in that part of your marriage, anymore, then it can get tricky. Either you become a monk of some sorts and accept the end of your sexual life, or you have a real conversation about the idea of an open marriage for physical needs. You may have no intention of ever doing this, but just bringing it up may make her recognize the necessity for this part of life in your life. Who knows? Maybe it’ll open her mind to finding a way to save your marriage together instead of drifting farther apart.  

DEAR NATALIE: My wife is considerably younger than I am and when we first met, she told me she never wanted children. But now she is almost 37, and I am 59 and the idea has been coming up a lot lately. She seems to have changed her mind. We have married for five years and have a great relationship. I have four grown children from a previous marriage and the idea of starting all over again is not something I am interested in doing. I want to travel and enjoy our lives. I was able to retire recently and we live a very comfortable lifestyle. I am not sure how to put my foot down on this one, as she seems adamant about having at least one child with me. What should I do? --NO MORE KIDS PLEASE

DEAR NO MORE KIDS PLEASE: Sounds like you are about to become a father again, congratulations! I hate to bring you back to reality, but someone had to do it. If she wants to have a baby, and you have already had four with someone else, do you really think you are going to win on this one? Clearly, having a child is not about winning or losing, but on what planet do you marry a woman twenty-two years younger than you and not think that this will become an issue? If I were you, I would tell her how you feel and what your concerns are. If you have resources, then you may still be able to travel and live the lifestyle that you want, just with a little one in tow. You may balk at the idea of being a father to a teenager when you are seventy, but I think this is the trade-off for marrying someone young enough to be your daughter. Either accept it or let her go to find someone else who wants to fulfill this dream.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Look at every new situation as a way to meet new friends and make new connections. Be friendly and approachable to the people around you. People respond to energy, so make sure that you are giving off positive vibes.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: My husband and I have been invited to a casual friend's wedding. The problem is, the wedding is on a Friday afternoon. We would both have to miss half a day's work. My husband and I both have very recently started new jobs. We do not get paid if we don't work, and we also don't want to make a bad impression on our new employers. What should we do? We are leaning toward skipping the wedding and getting to the reception after work when we can. Help! -- 2 MEN AND A DILEMMA

DEAR 2 MEN AND A DILEMMA: Call your friend who is getting married and simply explain the situation. Having a wedding on a Friday afternoon will probably make it tough for some guests to attend the whole event because of their work schedules (and I'm sure you and your hubby aren't the only ones debating what to do). Just tell your friend exactly what you told me and let them know that as soon as you can be there, you will. Even if this means that you come late to the reception, they will know to save a place for you both. Giving them a heads up shows that you are considerate of their feelings and that you have every intention of celebrating with them as soon as you are able. (And don't forget to bring a gift!)

Natalie's networking tip of the week: Is there a guest list that you can look at ahead of time to see who will be at the event? If so, check it out and familiarize yourself with some of the people that you want to meet. Whether they are speakers or organizers, they may give you great insights and lead you to other connections you want to make to maximize your time.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

DEAR NATALIE: I am currently stuck and not sure what to do in my marriage. We both work full time, but I am raising our four children without much help from him. I have been very sick this past year and discovered a serious medical condition that needs to be surgically dealt with very soon, but thankfully once I recover, my condition should greatly improve.

My husband fights with me constantly -- which only worsens my illness. He doesn't seem to care about how in pain I am and asks me who is going to do the laundry and cook while I recover, let alone, who is going to take care of the kids? I just sit and cry, not sure what to do.

Should I postpone my surgery to seek a lawyer to leave him, or should I go through it and deal with the aftermath later? I'm mostly worried about my kids while I recover and want to lean on my dad and stepmom (who are wonderful) to help. -- IN PAIN

DEAR IN PAIN: Your health has to be your top priority. You are no good to your babies if you aren't well. Your husband's cruelty is abusive behavior, and you don't have to take it. Schedule the surgery as soon as you can under your doctor's advice. Once you have the surgery date set, contact a good divorce attorney and explain the situation. Get the ball rolling now so that your lawyer can deal with all the specifics while you are in recovery, thereby not slowing down the process. Tell your dad and stepmom what is going on immediately so they can help you now before you go into surgery and can arrange to be there for the kids once you are recovering. I worked in women's shelters and so many are alone, struggling, dealing with abusive partners and do not have the resources that you do. Take advantage of your support system.

You are much better off without him, and I think once you are feeling better, so many wonderful opportunities are going to open up for you and your family. You are employed. You are strong and powerful. You are loved by your family. You can walk away from this pain - all of it - and start anew.

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: Listen twice as much as you speak. You already know what you are saying, but by listening to others, who knows what you will learn that could be useful to you later.

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)