life

Breakup Guy Needs Advice

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | July 9th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I stink at breakups and need help. I am in this relationship with a great woman, but it's been a few months now, and I'm bored. This is a pattern for me. As soon as I get what I want, I'm over the relationship. I feel bad breaking up with her for seemingly no reason, but I find myself uninterested in seeing her more than once a week. Can you give me some advice as to how to break up with her and how NOT to keep doing this? I feel bad, and I'm in my 40s now. I know this isn't healthy. -- BAD BREAKUP GUY

DEAR BAD BREAKUP GUY: Newsflash: Despite what society (and our mothers) tells us, not everyone is made for relationships. You may just be one of those people. Tell your current flame that you need to take some time apart because you need to work on yourself. She will most likely roll her eyes at this but accept it nonetheless. And then take my advice: no dating. Do some soul searching instead. Later on when you feel ready to date again, do so lightly. Keep it casual unless someone really tugs at your heart. Maybe then you will discover it's all about the connection, not the quantity.

Natalie's Networking Tip: Power is in the spoken word. Remember why you are networking and speak about what you need. When you put it out there, you may be surprised at how quickly people are willing to help! 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Teen Dance Drama

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | July 6th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: My daughter, Liza, is in high school and we need an objective third-party opinion about what to do. Liza and Rachel are best friends. They have a mutual friend, Jeff. Rachel asked Jeff to be her date at an upcoming dance, and he agreed. A couple of weeks later he and Liza started dating. Liza is attending the same dance but didn't ask a date as quickly as Rachel did. She thought Rachel would offer to ask someone else instead of Jeff, but she didn't. Jeff feels bad because he already said yes to Rachel. Liza really doesn't care if Jeff goes to the dance with her best friend, but she feels strange asking someone else. Short of asking a family member, what's a girl to do? -- MOM

DEAR MOM: Can you say awkward? If my boyfriend was going to the dance with my best friend and she didn't think that was weird, I would start to wonder what is going on. Sounds to me like Rachel may be a little jealous of Liza. What kills me about this is that these relationships with boys will come and go at this age, but a good friendship can last a lifetime. 

So, if Jeff won't go with Liza -- even though he obviously should tell Rachel that it is weird if they go together -- Liza should just ask someone else and then see what happens. Rachel and Jeff are both acting silly in this situation, but it sounds as though Liza is levelheaded enough to know that all things are temporary -- especially high school dances and boyfriends. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: When introducing a friend or colleague to a new group in a networking situation, make them memorable by adding a flair to your introduction. For example: "This is Tim. I love bringing him to events with me because he has the best laugh and is so easy to talk to." Immediately you made your friend, who may be feeling shy, at ease, and now your group sees that you interact with friendly, fun people. It's a win-win! 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

Work & SchoolTeensFriends & Neighbors
life

Stuck in a sexless marriage? Told your friend that his boyfriend was cheating on him?

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | July 4th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: Hi, I've been married for 27 years. When we met, it was love at first sight for the both of us. I was only her second boyfriend. We took our time and after six months, we began being intimate. We got married one and a half years later. After we got married, I was with her romantically only once or twice a year. For some years, it was ZERO times a year. I’m not the the type of man to sleep around but I’m a hot 52 year old Latino male. I get looks from a lot of women. I've always made any woman I've been with happy. That's not a problem. I've tried talking to my wife about this lack of romance. Her response is," I’m like my mother. We don't like sex." She knows that I’m unhappy and that I’m very sad that we don’t connect on that level. I have even asked her to see a doctor because it could be hormonal. But, it has fallen on deaf ears. I'm really lonely. I need affection. I'm the nurturer. I’m kind, gentle, I like to cook and clean, Sometimes I feel USED. I know she loves me but, this situation isn’t working. I feel so alone in my marriage. Any advice?

-- DESPERATELY SEEKING

DEAR DESPERATELY SEEKING: I applaud you for being loyal, for trying to talk to your wife about this and communicating your needs. But now it's a matter of what you can live with (or without). If you really can't imagine the rest of your life without sex (and I wouldn't blame you!), then you should consider a divorce. If she isn't interested in sex, and it sounds like it hasn't changed or gotten any better, I don't know what other option you have. Perhaps by saying those words out loud, it might make her recognize just how unhappy you are, and maybe she will be open to going to a sex therapist together. But, if she still doesn't get it or doesn't seem to care, then you should move on. Life is too short to be in a lonely marriage. Separate for a bit, give yourself the opportunity to see what else is out there, and then decide if your marriage is really over or worth saving.

DEAR NATALIE: I’m in a weird situation. My friend Mike has a wonderful boyfriend named Steven. They have been together for five years. Steven is super sweet and really handsome. But, Mike doesn’t seem to appreciate him and is always cheating on him whenever Steven goes away on business trips or working late. Mike says that this is no big deal and that Steven doesn’t care, but Steven doesn’t know what Mike is doing. So, I told Steven what Mike was up to and they got into a huge fight. Now Mike is mad at ME for spilling the beans, and accused me of wanting Steven for myself. Steven wants to leave Mike, and Mike is devastated. Did I do something wrong here? Isn’t it better that Steven knows that truth? -- TATTLETALE

DEAR TATTLETALE: Well, you can kiss your friendship with Mike good-bye. Getting in the middle of someone else’s relationship is never a good idea because you don’t really ever know what is going on behind closed doors. Can you really blame Mike for being angry with you? Meddling to the extreme you did would make anyone mad. Regardless of what was going on in their relationship, it had nothing to do with you and now it is just a big mess. You also have to ask yourself if you did do this (even a tiny bit) out of the hopes that Steven might leave Mike for you. To be accused of that by Mike makes me wonder if there was another motive here, even if it was unconscious on your part. The fact that Steven didn’t even ask you if Mike was cheating and you just volunteered this information makes me question your altruism even more. But, whatever the case, the damage is done. If I were you, I would take a big step back from both of them until the smoke clears. They may work through this or it may be the end. But whatever the outcome, I think it’s time you take a seat. You’ve done enough. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: What are your goals for networking? Focus on your intention for attending a networking event so that you are making the most of your interactions.

Please send your questions to Natalie Bencivenga to her email, nbencivenga@post-gazette.com; or through postal mail to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Dr., Pittsburgh, PA 15212. Follow her on Twitter at @NBSeen and on Instagram @NatalieBenci

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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