life

Thinking of Trying Tinder?

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | March 19th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: What are your thoughts on Tinder as a source for online dating? A lot of my friends seem to use it, with varying degrees of success, and I find myself curious to try it but a little nervous. I don't like the idea of someone judging me just based off of one photo that they say "Yes" or "No" to. -- Single Lady in the City

DEAR SINGLE LADY IN THE CITY: Swipe "right" if you think this is a good idea, swipe "left" if this seems like a terrible way to meet people. I'm leaning left. For those reading this who aren't familiar with Tinder, it's a dating app that shows you pictures of people (who we will assume are real -- or not), and you decide whether they are worthy of your potential charms by swiping to the right if you are interested and swiping left if you want to forget you ever saw their face. 

If you swipe "Yes" and the person swipes "Yes" to your picture, then you can text each other and love can blossom. In reality, while we all judge books by their cover, I don't like this as a way to meet a potential mate. It seems cold, superficial and silly. Yes, online dating is here to stay, but if you really want to meet someone, do it the old-fashioned way. This will involve some social skills, but it is better to cultivate those than end up with some weird arthritis in your pointer finger, right? 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Newly Single and Wondering What Boys Want

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | March 16th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: So I just broke it off with my longtime boyfriend. I'm newly single and ready to mingle! I started hooking up with a guy I met online recently, and he doesn't want anything serious, either. But I feel conflicted. While I'm not ready for a relationship, when I don't hear from him for a few days, it bothers me. Then, when he texts me, it's just to hook up. Is this what I should expect from dating? I'm totally confused. What do boys want?

 -- Girl on the Loose

DEAR GIRL ON THE LOOSE: What do boys want? I'm not always sure. But why you are asking yourself that question instead of asking yourself, "What do I want?" Do you want to be a "girl on the loose" as you suggested in your tagline, or do you really want to be fulfilled by a partnership? If you want to date casually, go for it, but remember that casual often means no strings attached. So, if that isn't what you really want, then stop engaging in those types of relationships. Men follow our lead when it comes to dating (even though they will never admit that), so if you want the type of guy who calls you the next day, then look for that guy. Stop wasting your time with what isn't fulfilling to you so that you can make room in your life for something great. And until he comes along, have fun dating yourself for a change. 

Natalie's Networking Tip of the Week: If you are new to networking, you don't need to look far to find connections. Join a college alumni group and reintroduce yourself to old colleagues who are all there for the same purpose. This reduces the anxiety level of having to seek out brand new contacts and gives you something in common from the start. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

life

Daughter Fears New Job Will Upset Her Family

Ask Natalie by by Natalie Bencivenga
by Natalie Bencivenga
Ask Natalie | March 12th, 2018

DEAR NATALIE: I am a first generation Chinese-American woman in her late 20s. My parents always pushed for a big career for me, and nothing short of perfect was ever good enough. Well, up until six months ago, I was working as a very successful engineer consultant. The job was rough, however, and I was constantly traveling all around the United States for clients. I was completely burned out after several years of this work. So, I secretly quit and went back to become a pilates instructor. I absolutely love it. However, neither of my parents know yet. In my family, it is typical to hide feelings, keep emotions bottled inside and not talk about things that are bothering us. I didn't tell them I quit because I didn't want them to be angry. Sometimes, I wish I was another ethnicity - one that lets it all out! What should I do? I fly home to visit them next week, and I'm terrified of their reaction. -- The Switch Up

DEAR THE SWITCH UP: Coming from an Italian-American family, I'm sure my relatives wish each other would not let it all out from time to time! All kidding aside, family dynamics can be tricky no matter what your background, each having their own quirks to work through. In your situation, it must not be easy to express your own interests and desires. Your family looked at your financial stability and professional success as the American dream come true. So, no wonder you feel intimidated and nervous to be honest with them. But hiding your life is no way to live either. While familial acceptance is important, nothing beats owning who you are. Take them out for dinner when you visit and frame the conversation in the context of what is bringing you happiness. Explain to them that this change has impacted you for the best. Talk to them about your plans and let them know that their love and support are what you need right now. They may be angry, confused or hurt, but remind them that you are an adult and you just want to be fulfilled in your own life. If it takes them a while to accept this, that's OK. You know how they react, so mentally prepare yourself for whatever is coming your way, but remind yourself that at the end of the day, you're the one that has to look in the mirror and like what you see. 

Please send your relationship and lifestyle questions to nbencivenga@post-gazette.com or tweet them to @NBSeen. You can also send postal letters to Natalie Bencivenga, 358 North Shore Drive, Pittsburgh, PA 15212

(This column was originally published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.)

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