DEAR DR. NERDLOVE: I read your article about the state of the world and how to survive it. One of the things you recommended was turning off the news; well, see, that’s a problem for me ’cause I work in the news.
I’ve tried my best to avoid the stuff that stresses me out the most while still doing my job but it’s a struggle. I feel like it’s really taken a toll on my personal life, my friends and family can see that I’m stressed. They tell me to just not think about but it’s always on my mind, and when I’m finally am able to get it out of my mind, I have to go in to work and re-expose myself to all the terrible news of the day.
So for someone who can’t unplug from the news what’s the best way for me to able to not crumble from the stress of it all?
Sisyphus and Bouldie
DEAR SISYPHUS AND BOULDIE: That’s rough, man. It’s hard to get away from, well, everything going on when your career and livelihood means that you’re pretty much constantly neck deep in it. This is something a lot of folks deal with – from the frontline healthcare workers, to first responders, social workers and more. Constantly being exposed to all the awfulness in the world is a great way to whither your soul and burn yourself out. So how do you bear up under the weight of it all?
Well, there’re a few things. First and foremost: have a strict – and I mean strict – delineation between work and life. One of the reasons why people burn out – and often drag other aspects of their lives down – is because they bring that pain, that stress and darkness home with them. Everyone needs a sanctuary, some place where they can relax, decompress and do anything, literally anything that has nothing to do with the awfulness of the day. To be sure: it can be incredibly difficult (at best) to get that space, seeing as that for many, the awfulness is tied to their race, gender, class or sexuality and we live under capitalism that insists that “wanting work/life balance is entitlement”. But it’s important to try as best we can.
If it is at all possible, when you clock off, you clock off. That means no catching on last minute work emails, no doomscrolling social media, nothing. Trust that vital information will get to you and do your best to create a moment of peace for yourself.
Incidentally that sanctuary could just be within your own mind. Taking some time – even just 20 minutes – for mindfulness meditation and letting your mind be quiet for a little while can make an immense difference.
Next: have things in your life besides work that you’re passionate about, things that bring meaning to you and that feed your soul. It could be listening to great music. It could be studying martial arts or HEMA or some other physical pursuit. It could be some form of artistic expression like singing, acting, even just doing silly dances on TikTok because f--k it why not, life’s short and the world’s on fire, steal joy wherever you can. These help give you things to live for, things that help keep get you out of bed every day besides just getting another paycheck. Having time with friends, loved ones and some sense of community is also helpful. Not only does it give you support and love that we all need, but it helps remind you that you’re not alone. No person is an island; we all need each other and connecting as a community can be one of the most important things you can do. Community organizing is a huge way to feel like you have hope.
By that same token, it’s also helpful to have an outlet that lets you feel like you’re contributing some good to the world, no matter how small. This could be community gardening, helping clean underserved communities, providing food for the unhoused, volunteering at a pet shelter or a food bank… anything that helps you push back against the darkness. It may only be a match against the all-consuming void of the long dark night of the soul… but even a match can hold the darkness at bay. As the man says: “Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. It is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love.”
If you can – and this is a mighty big if – taking time away can be vital too. It seems like every year, there’s a rash of stories about how Americans take fewer vacation days or days off than the rest of the world, and what does that say about us? Well, mostly it says that capitalism and our f--ked up work culture encourages exploiting workers as much as possible and denies those opportunities to the working class… but it also says a lot about how much we let the grind become our lives. But what we often forget is that “the grind” means we’re shaving parts of ourselves off until there’s less of us. Rise and grind is a lovely idea until you realize you’ve ground yourself down to nothing. Getting away – really away – can help you recoup and regain your mental and emotional stress and help us stay connected to the things that really matter.
Now to be sure: being able to do so is a privileged position to be in, and it’s important to note how many people can’t. But if you can, you should do so; you don’t owe your employers your sanity or your soul.
But the single biggest thing I can suggest is prioritize action. I talked about this in my column “How To Stay Positive (Even When Everything Is Awful)”, but part of what increases that sense of stress and hopelessness is a feeling of being powerless. It’s all too easy to look at the tsunami of flaming s--t overtaking the world and think that it’s all over but the screaming and that there’s nothing we can do. And while we can’t single-handedly turn the tide, we can find little ways where we can fight back against darkness and despair.
Prioritizing taking action, no matter how small, reminds us all that we may not be Doctor Manhattan, but we can make a difference. Ten bucks may not seem like much in the grand scheme of things, but tossing it to somebody’s GoFundMe can be what makes the difference between them keeping their apartment or getting their insulin or not. You may not be able to singlehandedly overturn the anti-abortion, anti-trans and anti-LGBTQ laws that right wingers are passing around the country, but you can call your state and national representatives, protest, organize letter writing campaigns and more. If you can help hook a trans person up with a job so they can leave their oppressive state or give a queer person a place to crash while they get their feet under them, then you may very well have saved their life. It may not seem like much, but it’s like the Talmud says: “Whoever saves a single life is considered by scripture to have saved the whole world.”
Find your sanctuary and your peace, find your places where you can make a difference and do your best to be a light in the face of encroaching darkness. These help give you the strength to keep up the fight, because we need fighters, now more than ever.
Good luck.
Please send your questions to Dr. NerdLove at his website (www.doctornerdlove.com/contact); or to his email, doc@doctornerdlove.com