Real estate pros across America say wannabe homeowners are suffering from stress after failed attempts to consummate a deal and escape their rental.

“These are folks who went through agonizing bidding wars and still came up empty-handed. They’re jammed into little apartments, longing to be free of landlords. But despite high mortgage rates, they continue to struggle in hopes of bagging a house,” says Merrill Ottwein, a veteran real estate broker in Illinois.

Because of all the anguish homebuying now entails, Lora Cusumano, a Long Island broker, says that more purchasers are seeking to stay in their first property for years to come.

“People used to say they wanted to buy for three to five years. Now they’d like to remain for at least seven to 10 years,” says Cusumano, president-elect of the National Association of Exclusive Buyers Agents (naeba.org).

Another factor causing buyers to think long-term is the desire to put down roots.

“Due to the pandemic and years of living virtually through social media, more people now long for in-person engagement with their neighbors. They want to find a community where they can settle down for years ahead,” says Cusumano.

Of course, given high prices and a shortage of property in desirable areas, it’s still tough for most buyers to obtain a house where they’d enjoy living for years.

Here are a few pointers for buyers:

-- Itemize what you love and hate about your present housing.

During his four decades in real estate, Ottwein says he’s been struck by the intensity of peoples’ feelings about the place where they live.

An assessment of these feelings is a good jumping-off point for setting priorities.

“First, write down the good and bad in your present home. Then make a list of features you’ve got to have, would like to have or are willing to give up,” Ottwein says.

“When you have a strict affordability ceiling, you’ve got to be mindful about what’s imperative to you versus what you can surrender,” Ottwein says.

-- Seek to avoid a punishing commute.

Ottwein says some house hunters make trade-offs they later come to regret.

For example, budget-challenged buyers sometimes mistakenly accept a punishing commute to an outer suburb to obtain the ideal house they seek.

“We often hear buyers say they don’t care how far they have to commute to get that big house with all the bells and whistles. Then they call us back just a year or two later, complaining that they can’t take the long drive anymore,” he says.

“Any commute over 50 minutes each way gets old real fast,” says Ottwein, co-owner of a family-owned realty firm that caters to relocation clients.

“A lot of people rationalize that by accepting a long commute, they’re helping their families live better. But because they get home so late, their families actually suffer,” he says.

-- Pick features early when buying a brand-new home.

If you decide to buy in a new subdivision, you’re likely to be faced with lots of trade-offs before your contract is even written.

“Within the standard price, some builders give lump-sum allowances for anything ranging from lighting fixtures to appliances to landscaping to kitchen cabinets. Everything else over and above the allowance costs you extra money,” Ottwein says.

These choices should be made before the sales contract is written -- but not under pressure from a hurried homebuilder or salesperson.

“To make really valid selections, you probably need to dedicate a full day to looking over your alternatives,” Ottwein says.

Procrastinators may discover belatedly that they’ve gone over budget to fulfill a strong desire for, say, quartz countertops in the kitchen.

Money-constrained buyers who confront hard choices may wish to defer those items that can be readily installed later, such as upgraded landscaping.

-- Question your willingness to buy a fixer-upper.

Given your budget ceiling, you may think purchasing an older home in poor condition is a smart way to shoehorn yourself into a coveted community or to obtain the largest possible property with limited funds.

But Ottwein cautions that fixer-uppers often require vastly more money and effort to repair than would-be buyers believe.

“Where there are problems on the surface, there are frequently much bigger problems behind the walls,” he says.

Money-strapped purchasers can get reliable estimates on the cost of restoring a property to its former glory before committing to a purchase. For bids on the work, your real estate agent should be able to help arrange for contractors.

Planning to tackle the home improvement work yourself? If so, you may wish to canvass friends who know you well. Ask them if they think do-it-yourself work is a realistic option for you -- both from the point of view of your skill and available time.

“If you feel you must accept a ‘fixer’ to afford the kind of house you want, at least go in with your eyes wide open,” Ottwein says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

A married couple from the Chicago area made a lucky decision years ago when searching for a neighborhood with schools that take seriously the needs of students with learning differences. Their daughter -- then in fifth grade -- is autistic, and the parents found a school with excellent teachers who encouraged her passion for photography.

“Fast-forward, and the girl, now in her 20s, is thriving as a professional photographer. As it turned out, that school was life-changing for her,” says Rich Harty, the real estate broker who helped the couple locate the right school.

Harty says buyers are increasingly focused on school quality.

In fact, school quality is increasingly the key to appreciation, because these days buyers want to live in a home for a lengthy tenure, and they know communities with good schools appreciate more,” says Harty, a past president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (naeba.org).

Schools can be evaluated using both objective and subjective measures, says Harty, who persuades clients to do both. He notes that real estate agents have easy access to comparative ratings, including test scores, for local schools. But he says such quantitative metrics are no substitute for in-person visits by parents.

“I recommend you call ahead and try for a meeting with the school principal or leader. Ideally, you’ll also duck into a classroom and interview teachers to get a feel for the school’s atmosphere,” Harty says.

In addition, parents can pick up clues about the school quality by taking a tour of the athletic facilities.

“Check to see if the gym is clean and well stocked or if all you see are a few dusty rubber balls in one corner,” he says.

Though important, school quality is just one factor to consider for young families seeking to make the best possible purchase decision.

Eric Tyson, a personal finance expert and co-author of “Home Buying for Dummies,” says that due to high home prices and mortgage rates, many buyers are now resetting priorities when it comes to homebuying.

“What families want and what they can afford are often strikingly different. That means, for instance, that they might have to trade off a longer commute to get a premium school district,” Tyson says.

Here are a few pointers for buyers with young children:

-- Think through whether a large yard is truly key for your children.

Recalling their own carefree childhoods, some parents assume their kids need a similar setting to be happy. But what was important in your formative years isn’t necessarily vital for your children now.

“The reality is that kids just don’t have as many hours of free time for backyard play as we did when we were growing up,” Tyson says.

Rather than focusing solely on yard size, Tyson suggests you think about the outdoor features of the neighborhood as a whole, such as parks and open space.

-- Find a floor plan that works well for your family.

Tyson says it’s more important for families with young children to have a floor plan that encourages togetherness than to own a large house.

“Many people only use a formal dining room on major holidays, such as Thanksgiving. But a family room connected to an eat-in kitchen is used all year long,” he says.

Large, comfortable common rooms, often called “great rooms,” help draw children out of their bedrooms, thereby allowing parents to monitor their kids at homework time.

“It’s important to know if your kids are spending too much time playing computer games rather than doing their work,” Tyson says.

-- Seek a home with as many bedrooms as your budget allows.

Newly built houses with a wealth of living space typically feature spacious master bedroom suites. In such houses, secondary bedrooms, designed for children and guests, are usually much smaller.

But Tyson says it’s more important for families to have an adequate number of bedrooms than a luxurious master suite.

“Most buyers really want a separate bedroom for every kid, so all the children can get enough sleep, even if they have different school schedules,” he says.

-- Consider that a two-story house could give you more space for the money.

Many current homebuyers favor single-level living. Those who’ve hit middle age or beyond are especially likely to prefer a one-story house that won’t compel them to rely on stairs.

But Tyson says people with school-age children might wish to consider the advantages of living on two levels. That’s because it’s easier to contain the noise and mess of growing children if their bedrooms are separated from the family’s common living space. Also, young families can typically get more space for the money in a two-story house.

“In most areas, the key component of housing costs are land costs. Because two-story houses require less land, you usually get more house for the same price,” Tyson says.

-- Don’t let your kids rule your buying decisions.

It’s not uncommon for children to protest their parents’ plan for a housing move. Why? Because, as Tyson says, “children like constancy.”

To mollify their unhappy children, some parents let their kids influence which property they buy. But Tyson says most children adapt quickly to a move and that letting their feelings sway your planning could be a regrettable mistake.

“Maybe your children like one house better than another because it has purple bedrooms. But that’s no basis on which to make so major a financial decision,” he says. (To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

Seasoned real estate pros know that the older people become, the tougher it is for them to move.

Take the case of a couple of 82-year-old retirees who’ve lived in their midsized colonial for 37 years.

Throughout the pandemic, they resisted selling, fearing exposure to the virus. They even hired an architect to design a small addition to their property in hopes of remaining there indefinitely. But their architect died of COVID, and the addition proved untenable. Meanwhile, the couple’s increasing health problems made it obvious they would eventually need to move into an assisted-living facility. Now they’re facing reality squarely and planning ahead for a sale in 2024.

Dana Rice, an executive vice president for Compass, a national realty firm, doesn’t know the married couple in this true story. But she credits them for allowing months of lead time in advance of their sale.

“Not uncommonly, older seniors procrastinate for several years before confronting the need to move. Then they face a health crisis, and it’s urgent,” says Rice, who’s sold homes since 2013.

Like younger homeowners, elderly people often try to time the market based on fluctuations in supply and demand, as well as mortgage rates. But the health concerns of older people often dictate their timing.

Here are a few pointers for those over 60 facing a necessary home sale:

-- Engage a listing agent as early as possible.

“I get into a lot of panicky situations with 11th-hour home sellers,” says Sid Davis, who heads an independent real estate firm in Utah.

When he first entered the real estate field several decades ago, he recalls how clients would typically call for help at least three months before they needed to sell. Now he says many wait until just a few weeks before they must move.

“Ideally, we need a minimum of 90 days or longer --though this is widely variable depending on the specific neighborhood and the level of local inventory,” Davis says.

Once you know you’re definitely going to move, Davis says it’s prudent to begin interviewing prospective listing agents and then to promptly select the one you want to represent you.

“The longer you have to get all your ducks in a row, the better. There are many advantages to picking your agent early -- even if you do so a year before you intend to move,” says Davis, the author of “A Survival Guide to Selling a Home.”

An agent with ample notice of your selling plans can better determine the steps you should take to achieve the best possible outcome, whether this means replacing your kitchen appliances or painting your shutters. The agent can also exercise more care in selecting the right listing date.

“Arranging for contractors on a nonemergency basis can save you cash, and careful pricing can mean more proceeds at the bottom line,” Davis says.

-- Seek out data on selling times in your area.

For more than 30 weeks, homes on average have been for sale longer than was typical one year ago, according to Sabrina Speianu, economic data manager for Realtor.com, the home listing service.

But such national averages have little meaning for typical home sellers.

“Is your micromarket still steamy hot with a severe shortage of available properties? Or is it cooling off due to falling prices and excess inventory? Those are the only truly meaningful numbers for your area,” says Dorcas Helfant, a past president of the National Association of Realtors (nar.realtor).

Ask your listing agent to take these numbers -- known as “days on market” -- and chart them over a six-month period. If selling times are lengthening, this could indicate a cooling of demand and should signal caution to prospective sellers.

“Assuming the market is chillier than before, you’ll want to allow yourself at least one extra month beyond the average selling time to ensure a smooth transition,” Helfant says.

-- Realize it’s never too early to start packing.

Though he has no scientific basis for the statement, Davis contends that 99% of home sellers procrastinate on the property preparation process.

Besides painting and repairs, nearly all homes need a thorough decluttering to show well. Your first step, Davis says, should be to remove any excess furnishings that crowd your interior space. Then box up smaller items and place them in your garage or a rented storage unit.

“By beginning as early as possible to clear out clothes, furniture and other items that you rarely use, you enhance your chances of fully completing this task before your place goes up for sale,” Davis says.

-- Give yourself extra time when moving to a brand-new place.

These days, it’s not uncommon for seniors to compete for units in brand-new retirement communities that offer a so-called continuum of care. But buying into such a community could be dependent on first selling your present property.

“People can get so completely dazzled by a model home in a new development that they’ll sign a contract before they’ve unloaded their old place,” Davis says.

A contract conditional on the sale of your present property may not obligate you to go through with the purchase. But if you can’t sell your house on time, you could lose the house, and your deposits could also go down the drain.

Because it’s not unusual for builders to take longer than they expect, some buyers of brand-new homes wait longer than they should before trying to sell their present property, according to Davis.

“But remember, this is a one-way street. The builder can be late, but you can’t, or you’ll be thrown in a risky situation financially,” he says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)