For many who aspire to buy a first home or transition to a larger place, 2020 was a year of extraordinary frustration, as wannabe owners attempted to fight off rivals seeking the same few properties. What’s more, there’s been little letdown from this misery in the early months of this year.

“The craziness goes on and on. The bidding wars are so ferocious that people who lose homes emerge from the fights with emotional scars and lots of tears,” says Tom Early, an independent real estate broker.

The obvious problem is that “the supply/demand ratio between the number of available properties and eager buyers is way out of whack,” says Early, a past president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (naeba.org).

This imbalance has sent home prices soaring, according to the widely quoted Case-Shiller home price index. For the 12 months ending in February, prices rose a sizzling 12%. Meanwhile, the stock of available properties has increased ever so slowly.

Yet relatively few young families who wish to make a major real estate purchase are backing off from their quest, despite the intense competition. Indeed, housing economists expect the number of would-be buyers to increase in coming months due to demographic trends.

Nadia Evangelou, the director of forecasting for the National Association of Realtors (nar.realtor), predicts that housing demand will continue to swell as household formations increase among those in the millennial generation (born between 1981 and 1996).

To underscore her point, Evangelou notes that in 2022 alone, 4.6 million millennials will reach the typical age to marry.

“Both low mortgage rates and favorable demographics will continue to boost homebuying activity for at least the next couple of years,” she says.

In reality, many young families refuse to put their housing dreams on hold indefinitely and rightly so, says Eric Tyson, a personal finance expert and co-author of “Home Buying for Dummies.”

“Clearly, most young families have income limits. But enterprising people find ways to temper their expectations in order to actualize their home-buying plans,” Tyson says.

Here are a few pointers for buyers:

-- Let go of the need for formal rooms.

Tyson says it’s more vital for families with young children to have a floor plan that encourages togetherness than to own a large house, especially now as more children return to classroom instruction and kids spend less time at home.

“Many people only use a formal dining room on major holidays such as Thanksgiving. But a family room connected to an eat-in kitchen is used all year long,” he says.

Large, comfortable common rooms -- often called “great rooms” -- help draw children out of their bedrooms, thereby allowing parents to monitor their kids at homework time, for example.

-- Seek a property with as many bedrooms as you can afford.

Newly built houses with a wealth of living space typically feature spacious master bedroom suites. In such houses, secondary bedrooms, designed for children and guests, are usually much smaller.

But Tyson says it’s more important for families to have an adequate number of bedrooms than a luxurious master suite.  

“Nowadays, most buyers really want a separate bedroom for every kid, so all the children can get enough sleep, even if they have different school schedules,” he says.

-- Realize that two-story houses usually give you more space for the money.

It’s true that many buyers favor single-level living, including those who’ve hit middle age or beyond and wish to not rely on stairs.

But Tyson says people with school-age children might wish to consider the advantages of living on two levels. That’s because it’s easier to contain the noise and mess of growing children if their bedrooms are separated from the family’s common living space.

With a two-story house, parents can entertain guests on the first level while their kids are playing upstairs. Also, young families can typically get more space for the money in a two-story house.

“Because two-story houses require less land, you usually get more house for the same price,” Tyson says.

-- Question the assumption that your kids need a big yard.

Recalling their own carefree childhoods, some parents assume their kids need a similar setting to be happy. But what was important in your formative years isn’t necessarily vital for your children now.

“These days, children are much more heavily scheduled with sports, lessons and numerous other activities,” Tyson says.

Rather than focusing solely on yard size, Tyson suggests you think about the outdoor features of the neighborhood as a whole, such as parks and open space.

Surprisingly, neighborhoods where yards are smaller are often more child-friendly than those with oversized grounds.

“It’s good for children to live close to their neighborhood friends. That way they don’t have to be driven around to see playmates,” Tyson says.

-- Don’t succumb to pressure from your kids.

It’s not uncommon for children to protest their parents’ decisions regarding a home purchase.

To mollify their unhappy children, some parents let their kids influence which property they buy. But most children adapt quickly, and letting their feelings sway your planning could be a regrettable mistake.

“Maybe your children like one house better than another because it has purple bedrooms. But that’s no basis on which to make so major a financial decision,” Tyson says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

When she hit age 70, a teacher married to a university dean anticipated a long and rewarding retirement. But that was before the dean died from a rare disease. Suddenly, the teacher became a widow.

The wife’s new status feels emotionally overwhelming. It’s also raising numerous questions about her housing plans. Should she sell the couple’s commodious Tudor house and move to a retirement community? Or should she retrofit the suburban property to age in place?

Cindy Hounsell, president of the Women’s Institute for a Secure Retirement (wiserwomen.org), doesn’t know the teacher in this true story. But she urges any woman entering widowhood to make real estate decisions slowly and thoughtfully.

“For every widow, the answers are different. You have to figure out your own thing. That requires forethought and good counsel,” she says.

Hounsell’s nonprofit organization, known informally as “WISER,” helps guide women through secure and satisfying elder years. It operates as a national clearinghouse for tools and information on retirement planning, including complex financial issues.

“Our goal is to advocate for the economic security of all older women, but especially those with low to moderate incomes,” Hounsell says.

To advance its mission, WISER sponsors numerous events and publications, including those focused on the needs of widows struggling with housing challenges. One brochure, called “Going It Alone: A Guide for Widows,” includes step-by-step advice for newly widowed women on how to evaluate their real estate options. This 18-page booklet is available free of charge from WISER’s website.

Obviously, all housing decisions carry financial implications, and many widows face income limits in retirement. But Hounsell says there are several ways widows can handle a housing change within their means. For example, some widows wishing to stay in a long-time residence might consider finding a housemate who helps cover mortgage and utility expenses, along with property taxes. Another option would be to sell a large house and use the proceeds to buy a smaller one-level residence.

Patricia Nowak, the author of “The ABC’s of Widowhood,” agrees with Hounsell that it’s ideal for widows to delay making major housing moves until they are emotionally ready.

“If you can afford to wait, don’t make any big decisions for the first six months, because you’re in a fog for at least that long,” says Nowak, who was widowed at 47 after her husband died in a car accident.

Loneliness and confusion make it especially tough for widows -- who outnumber widowers -- to determine the best possible life trajectory for themselves after a spouse is gone. Nowak says their first order of business should be to organize their finances.

Though many young women now take a vital interest in money matters, she says those who become widowed at a later age often need financial counsel to make solid choices. But she advises against turning to relatives for such help, because they typically lack objectivity.

“Don’t hire that cousin for your accountant, attorney or real estate adviser. People who do business with family are often left in a bad way,” Nowak says.

Rather, she recommends seeking advice from neutral third parties whose names you obtain through business or professional associates, just as you would if hiring an employee at work.

Arlen Olberding, a financial planner affiliated with the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (napfa.org), says widows who own a big family house should think carefully before deciding to sell and move to a small condo.

“Trading down to a condo can have financial benefits -- including a reduction in energy costs and upkeep demands. Yet after taking your monthly condo fees into account, you may save less than expected. And your lifestyle could be compromised,” Olberding says.

Here are a few pointers for widows (and widowers):

-- Consider housing choices as part of your overall financial plan.

Mark Nash, a real estate analyst and author of “1001 Tips for Buying and Selling a Home,” says many people see their real estate choices in isolation from their larger plans and dreams. But where you live can affect your lifestyle in important ways.

To whom should you turn to help chart your lifestyle planning for the next stage of your life? Nash says that sometimes a real estate agent who’s willing to listen to your story (and won’t push you to sell) is a good bet.

“Besides consulting a financial adviser, you may wish to discuss your plans with a therapist, counselor or life coach,” he says.

-- Don’t discount your emotional attachment to a family home.

After becoming widows, some women are less interested in recasting their lives than in strengthening their ties with children and grandchildren. Some are strongly attached to the home where they raised their children and want to keep a place with extra bedrooms for extended family visits.

Nash, a longtime real estate broker, says he’s worked with many older women who live to regret the sale of the spacious family home.

“Once it’s gone, they feel like a fish out of water,” he says.

-- Weigh the pros and cons of moving near your grown children.

As the years pass, many widows are drawn to the idea of moving to a place close to the home of one or more of their children. But, as Nowak says, you don’t necessarily need to move permanently to see more of your extended family.

“Why not rent an apartment near your kids for a few months of each year? That could allow you to remain the rest of the year in a part of the country where your friends live and your favorite activities are based,” she says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

As pandemic constraints gradually lessen, many seniors who’ve been vaccinated are exceedingly restless. Finally, they’re revisiting home-selling plans that were on hold for months due to COVID-19.

“There’s enormous pent-up demand to leave the big family manse for a more comfortable and economic lifestyle in a happier place,” says Mark Nash, a real estate broker and analyst.

Meanwhile, a severe shortage of available properties has brought major heartache for wannabe homebuyers who’ve been facing intense competition among rival bidders. Hence, any sign of greater supply is welcome news for buyers.

A new report from Coldwell Banker Real Estate is offering hope for buyers. A company survey of homeowners found that a remarkable 20% are considering a home sale in the next 12 months.

If even a fraction of those pondering a sale put their properties on the market, that could “take the edge out of the inventory disconnect,” says M. Ryan Gorman, Coldwell Banker’s CEO.

Why are more owners looking ahead to a possible sale in the post-COVID period? Gorman says the motivations are multiple. Some seek to move to another state to save on taxes or enjoy a better climate. Still others hope to take full advantage of the strong seller’s market for as long as it lasts.

Nash says some income-constrained seniors need the proceeds from the sale of their property to support themselves in their retirement years. Others choose to move to simplify their lifestyles and reduce upkeep obligations.

“The old story about the pleasures of downsizing still resonates for many elders,” says Nash, the author of “1001 Tips for Buying and Selling a Home.”

But in the post-pandemic period, numerous potential downsizing seniors are facing a barrier to their plans: grown children who moved back home during COVID after their schools or workplaces closed.

Arpita Chakravorty, an economist for Zillow, the national real estate company, calculates that the number of so-called “boomerang kids” living in their parents’ home plateaued last October. Yet more than 780,000 are still residing there.

Nash says many senior owners who have grown children living under the same roof have mixed feelings about downsizing.

“Of course, they’re sympathetic with their children’s legitimate housing needs. But at the same time, they’re anxious to move forward so their own housing game plan can play out. And this might involve downsizing to a retirement community where younger people aren’t welcome,” Nash says.

Here are a few pointers for senior sellers with adult children at home:

-- Don’t jeopardize your own moving plans.

Michael Crowley, who runs an independent real estate brokerage, says he’s observed how some clients have sacrificed their retirement dreams to maintain quarters for grown children.

Of course, many young adults living in the family home are unaware of their parents’ financial situation. Nor do they grasp the full cost of owning and maintaining a large property. That’s why Crowley suggests that an important first step toward your housing transition could involve a family meeting to go over these realities.

“Sit down and outline your situation with your children. Describe all the costs associated with ownership of your big house and why it’s important to reduce these expenses in retirement,” says Crowley, a past president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (naeba.org).

Obviously, many young adults are well intentioned, and once they realize how important it is for their parents to downsize and reduce costs, they’re more motivated to find their own housing solutions, he says.

-- Consider the concept of offering a temporary rent subsidy.

Given how difficult it is for many young adults, including recent college graduates, to obtain a well-paying job, it can be a jarring transition if they’re jettisoned from the family home without sufficient funds to cover their own housing.

Should you help them pay to rent a place of their own? Crowley says that might be a reasonable way to proceed with your home sale without fear that your offspring could become homeless.

“Parents with the financial means might give their kids the equivalent of six to 12 months’ worth of rent for a modest apartment, along with money to cover their security deposit,” he says.

-- Stay focused on protecting your retirement assets.

By the time parents reach their late 50s or early 60s, many need to focus much more intensely on their own finances rather than on subsidizing their grown children.

“At a certain stage, people have to get on with their own lives,” says Donna Goings, a real estate broker affiliated with the Residential Real Estate Council (crs.com).

If you have a grown child or two living with you yet you wish to downsize, it might be feasible for the offspring to remain in your next household for a short while, assuming you’ll have a spare bedroom there. But in that case, Goings says you should charge them at least a minimal level of rent -- proportional to what income they can bring in.

Should you feel guilty about asserting your own need to downsize, even if that means your boomerang kids can’t go with you to the new place and must find alternative housing? Not at all, Goings says.

“The best thing you can do for your kids is to see that they get on their own two feet so they’ll develop the skills for independence,” she says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)