A couple in their late 20s located in a city where rents were spiraling upward decided that homeownership would be a good financial bet. They selected a modest townhouse for a good price and were lucky to acquire the place with significant down payment help from their parents.

But what about marriage? Though in love, the couple in this true story is delaying any decision as to whether to make such a binding legal commitment.

Relationship experts don't oppose the idea of cohabiting couples buying a home. But they urge couples to sort through the financial and emotional implications of joint ownership before taking that step.

"Even if you can afford to buy a house together right now, don't rush into that decision. Also, don't make the mistake of thinking that buying a house is a surrogate for a full commitment," says Bryn Collins, a therapist and the author of such books as "How to Recognize Emotional Unavailability and Make Healthier Relationship Choices."

Collins encourages couples who are serious about homeownership to develop a financial plan that addresses how they'll divide their mortgage and utility payments and what they'll do about the property if their relationship falls apart.

"Remember, this is a business transaction as well as a personal one," she says.

Here are a few pointers for cohabiting couples considering a purchase:

-- Try to avoid maxing out on your house payments.

Mark Nash, a long-time real estate broker and author of "1001 Tips For Buying and Selling a Home," encourages all home-buying couples, whether married or not, to cap their mortgage payments at no more than a quarter of their income, so as to protect their relationship from budgetary stresses.

Setting limits on how large a mortgage you'll take is an especially good idea in an uncertain economy like the current one, given that unemployment is always a possibility.

"Ideally, if one person loses a job, you can still keep your payments current on a single income. That's a big plus for your financial security and peace of mind," Nash says.

-- Ensure that both you and your partner weigh in on the choice of a home.

Nash stresses the need for both partners to have an equal say in property selection. This is especially key for cohabiting couples, whose ties are more easily severed than are those of married people.

"If one person is shut out when the house is chosen, this can easily backfire later as resentments develop," Nash says.

He suggests that any couple planning a home purchase go through a simple written exercise. Each partner draws up a list of his or her five top priorities for the property. Then they compare the two lists to look for overlaps.

"If at least three of the five items on each partner's lists don't match, then you need to get together and come up with a combined list that reflects the compromises both of you are willing to make," Nash says.

-- Discuss how your mortgage payments will be apportioned.

"When couples who are in love go together to make a house purchase, the 'elephant in the room' is usually money. Because it seems unromantic to talk about money, neither partner mentions financial issues before they move in," Nash says.

But Nash says it's far better to discuss these issues prior to your purchase. That way the couple could decide, for example, that each person will contribute to mortgage outlays in proportion to his or her income.

You'll also want to pre-determine who will be responsible for covering routine utility costs, along with upkeep and repair costs.

Then, too, it's wise to agree on how you'd handle things should one of you lose your job or become disabled.

"You need a game plan. You don't want one person feeling ambushed by the other, should an unexpected situation arise," Nash says.

-- Don't rule out using a mediator to help you develop your agreement.

When it comes to relationships, many people assume that mediators deal primarily with couples heading for divorce. But they can also help couples establish the groundwork for a strong live-in relationship, whether or not that involves marriage.

"The idea is to discuss the issues with a skilled third party so they don't become problems later," says Stephen Erickson, a professional mediator affiliated with the Association for Conflict Resolution, which represents trained mediators.

Mediators can help couples develop a mutually acceptable arrangement for handling financial issues that might otherwise become landmines.

A skilled mediator can also help you formalize a smooth exit plan, should you and your partner break up while living in the home you own together. This agreement should spell out the terms by which one partner could buy out the other's stake, assuming that's feasible, or how any proceeds will be divided if the place is sold to a third party.

"For cohabiting couples with property, a breakup can sometimes be even more messy than a divorce. That's because there's usually no divorce court to intervene and divide up the property. So it's wise to plan ahead for this scenario," Nash says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

A retired receptionist in her 70s lived in a senior housing tower for people of modest means. But her fondest dream was to buy a house a short walk from where her only grandchild lived with his parents. Unfortunately, health issues and budgetary limitations kept that from ever happening.

The receptionist was hardly alone in her longing to purchase a property very close to her offspring, says Joan McLellan Tayler, a long-time realty company owner who's assisted many retirees in relocating near their grandchildren.

However, she cautions that some retirement relocation dreams prove disappointing as they play out. Sometimes living close to the grandchildren isn't enough to create the strong bonds older people desire.

"These days many parents are so tremendously busy with their work that they have little time left for family interactions. Another problem is that lots of kids are into technology and their grandparents aren't, which can make interactions boring for everyone," Tayler says.

Well before deciding to buy a home near your grandchildren, Tayler urges you to talk through your plans with their parents to ensure they're supportive of your goal of seeing the grandchildren more.

Here are a few pointers for retired homebuyers with grandchildren:

-- Disabuse yourself of the notion that you need a huge yard.

Tayler spends as much time as possible with her grandchildren, most of whom live in her immediate proximity. And although the condo she owns has only a small patio with a few flowerbeds, the youngest children always seem to enjoy visiting there.

Of course, as toddlers grow into school-age children they range more widely with their play activities. Even so, that doesn't mean you'll need a large yard to keep them happy. One good substitute is to buy a place within walking distance of a neighborhood park.

-- Find a house on a quiet street, if possible.

Tom Early, a veteran real estate broker who works exclusively with homebuyers, advises clients seeking to purchase a place near their grandchildren to think about the kids' safety when pondering the street on which to live.

"Consider buying on a cul-de-sac or dead-end street. If that's not possible, pick a low-traffic street with few cars passing through," says Early, a past president of the National Association of Exclusive Buyer Agents (naeba.org).

-- Find out if a community you're considering allows for extended visits.

Do you and your spouse plan to retire to an area far from your grandkids' home? In that case, Lee Tews, an independent real estate broker, says you'll want to be sure the community you choose allows for extended guest visits.

"Many new condo and townhouse communities, along with new detached home neighborhoods, limit the length of guest stays. And this can put a dent in family visits," he says.

"It's not unusual for all the restrictions to run 200 pages long. But before you buy into a community, you'll probably want to scan them for provisions that could hinder your lifestyle," Tews says.

-- Try to find a property with at least one extra bedroom.

If your married offspring live several states away, you likely hope to have as many lengthy and meaningful visits as possible from them. But will you have the accommodations to make them feel comfortable in the home you buy?

"For this purpose, it's wonderful to buy a house with an extra master suite that has its own private bathroom," Early says.

Perhaps you can't afford a home with such fancy guest quarters. But it would still be good to choose a place with an extra bedroom for family visits, she says.

"If your grown children and their kids are staying in a hotel, that means they won't integrate as well when the family gathers," Early says. "It's only natural that all the family members will want to stay close together -- not to have to go back to the hotel early for the children's bedtime."

An extra bedroom can also come in handy for retirees who live near their grandchildren.

"It's special for small children to have a room at their grandparents' place where they can keep their toys. But if you can't afford a dedicated room, at least create an area in your new place with a corner shelf where they can keep their things," Early says.

-- Don't assume that a resort area is your best choice.

Some grandparents pick a community that offers easy access to recreational magnets, such as ocean resorts, swimming pools or major amusement parks. Others move near cities that provide unusual sightseeing opportunities, like a large zoo. They hope such lures will cause their offspring to visit more often.

But Early says retirees shouldn't chart their move on the basis of exceptional tourist attractions. That's because most areas offer sufficient leisure activities to keep the children interested.

"Remember that it's vastly more important to have an intrinsically warm and loving relationship with the kids than to live near a beach or a glitzy theme park," he says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)

A couple in their 40s -- an electrical engineer married to a school teacher -- had rented an apartment for nearly two decades before deciding to launch a home-buying search in the Silicon Valley area. It took more than a year for them to find a home that met their key screening criteria.

"Out of impatience, they put offers on two mediocre properties and then backed out of those offers before ultimately finding the right house," says Barbara Delantoni, the veteran real estate broker who worked with the couple.

Delantoni urges buyers in sellers' markets to resist the urge to settle for a property that fails to meet their top objectives.

What was wrong with the two houses that Delantoni's clients didn't buy? Neither was located in the walkable neighborhood where they wanted to live and neither was served by well-ranked schools. After their full-year search, the couple finally snagged a house in their neighborhood of choice.

"Location is probably the No. 1 factor that buyers should avoid trading off if they can possibly avoid it," Delantoni says.

Here are a few pointers for buyers:

-- Start with an early visit to a mortgage lender's office.

Richard Courtney is a seasoned real estate broker who works in the Nashville area, a music industry mecca. Through the years, he's occasionally encountered wannabe buyers, buoyed by dreams of a big record contract, with exaggerated ideas of their future income.

Real estate pros are quick to identify unrealistic buyers who believe they're candidates for a mansion yet can't even afford a small starter home. In many cases they'll decline to take such prospects on a property tour.

Courtney says most need to see a mortgage lender for help in establishing a ceiling on their financial capacities. They don't want to squander time looking at properties above their reach.

-- Think through your priorities in a deliberate way.

Once you know how much you can afford, it's time to reflect on your true wants and needs for housing.

Eric Tyson, a personal finance expert and co-author of "Home Buying For Dummies," suggests you retreat to a quiet place, shut off your devices and discuss your priorities in a focused way.

Would you rather have a fourth bedroom or an oversized family room? Is it more important that you get a two-car garage or a big yard? It's a good idea to grapple with these questions before you waste a lot of time checking out random properties.

-- Give your real estate agent genuine feedback.

Tyson says some buyers are so fearful of hurting their agent's feelings that they avoid sharing their negative reactions to the properties the agent shows them.

But to avoid veering off track in the home selection process, your agent needs to hear any negative reactions you have to the properties you see.

"The only way that your agent can be fully responsive to you as purchasers is to get honest feedback. Agents need to hear your real thoughts. They're not mind readers," Tyson says.

-- Give a trusted agent some latitude to pre-screen properties for you.

Although you want your agent to be guided by your preferences, it's also wise to allow the agent some leeway to occasionally add in a "wild card." This is a home that your agent thinks you might like, even though it doesn't meet all your search criteria.

Agents who are in sync with their clients' reactions can sometimes guess when they'll cotton to a particular property -- even one that doesn't sound right on paper.

"I'm not surprised anymore when people buy a place that bears little resemblance to what they first said they wanted. They didn't lie. They just changed their minds," Courtney says.

-- Let go of an agent who is oblivious to your reactions.

Realtors generally pick up quickly on "buying signals," indications that prospects are seriously interested in a property they're shown. Beyond facial expressions and other body language, couples who like a home soon start talking about where they'd place their furniture or how they'd use particular rooms.

But in rare instances, real estate agents repeatedly fail to pick up on either the implicit or explicit messages conveyed by their clients. If that's the case with your present agent, Tyson suggests you consider hiring a different one.

"If your agent isn't tuned in to your wants and needs -- and keeps showing you the wrong properties -- you'll do well to find a replacement who's more attuned to your wants and needs," Tyson says.

(To contact Ellen James Martin, email her at ellenjamesmartin@gmail.com.)