DEAR ABBY: I read you every day. My daughter, the oldest of four children, and I had a falling-out because I paid for her education but she couldn't be thankful. She was very entitled as a child, but it was important to me that she graduated. She's a schoolteacher now.
When she asked me to pay for her wedding, I said, "Will you be thankful this time?" She stomped out and said, "I'll do it myself!" I learned today that she went gown shopping with my mom and her fiance's mother and excluded me. I am so angry, hurt and sad that I don't even want to go to the wedding anymore. I could use some advice here. -- SAD IN ARKANSAS
DEAR SAD: I'm surprised you had to demand gratitude from your daughter. She may have not learned appreciation because she was always handed everything she wanted, so now she expects your role in her life to continue on that path. That she went gown shopping without inviting you was her way of punishing you for not forking over the money for her wedding. (I wonder if your mother and her fiance's mother are contributing.)
I do not think you should skip her wedding, regardless of how tempted you may be. That said, it is important you realize a pattern has been established in your relationship with your daughter, and she may use your grandchildren as pawns to manipulate you, so be prepared.