DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter-to-be is an absolute doll. She's perfect for my grandson, and I think they were meant for each other. My concern is her family. They treat her like Cinderella.
She cleans, cooks, does laundry and takes care of her disabled sister. She is 21, but because she's living with her parents until she and my grandson are married, she has to ask permission to go anywhere or do anything. She also believes everything they tell her, which is mostly B.S.
My fear is that her family will interfere with their marriage and expect her to still take care of her lazy relatives. She has told them things will change once she's married, but because she is easily manipulated, they will expect her to continue taking care of their household. How can I convince her to set boundaries without sounding like I'm trying to manipulate her myself? -- ONLY WANTS THE BEST FOR THEM
DEAR ONLY WANTS: Creating boundaries is going to be a new experience for this young woman. While it may eventually be liberating, it probably won't be comfortable in the beginning. Thankfully, she will have your grandson at her side to reinforce her.
Befriend her and listen when she needs to talk. With parents as controlling as you describe, she's going to need all the support and validation she can get. When she needs to strengthen her backbone, remind (don't lecture) her that as a married woman, her first priority must be her husband and -- if they are blessed with any -- her children, and repeat that important message often.