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by Abigail Van Buren

Old Friend's New Lifestyle Alters Time Spent Together

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Libby's," dearest friend of 20 years, "Melanie," has changed her lifestyle. Melanie and her husband have become "swingers." Now when Libby meets her socially, all Melanie can talk about is her new lifestyle -- complete with photos. Plus Melanie is very interested in meeting men when they are out together.

I don't like what she and her husband are doing, and I don't like my wife being exposed to swinging and meeting men. Libby says Melanie is an old friend, and she doesn't want to end their relationship. She says I have nothing to worry about because she isn't interested in this lifestyle. The problem is, I still worry, and I'm not comfortable with this. Could you please advise me on what I should do? -- FAITHFUL IN DALLAS

DEAR FAITHFUL: It would be interesting to know why Melanie brings Libby along when she's looking for men. (Is she using your wife as "bait"?) It would also be interesting to know how Libby feels when men show an interest in her friend and she is sitting there like a third wheel.

Of course, the bottom line is how this makes you feel, and do you trust your wife. If this is a regular thing, I can see how it would make you uncomfortable. Consider suggesting to Libby that rather than go out for the evening with Melanie, they meet for lunch instead.

Read more in: Friends & Neighbors | Marriage & Divorce | Sex & Gender