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Woman Looks for Exit Ramp out of One-Way Friendship
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who brags nonstop about her boyfriend, her job, her new car, etc. She only comes out of the woodwork every so often to text me things like, "Roy just got a $13 raise at work!" I respond with wholehearted support and congratulations, then don't hear from her again until days later, when I receive another text saying something like, "My boss said I can work any hours I want from now on!"
I'm not sure why she sends me these messages. Could it be to make me jealous of her "fairytale" lifestyle, which I'm not sure I believe she even truly lives?
We have no other meaningful conversation or time together, and I am growing tired of texts that are solely meant to showcase her wins in life. I have tried to distance myself by responding less and less and not initiating conversations, but then she asks why I'm "mad" at her. I feel like I am nothing more than a wall she posts her accomplishments on. I have no desire to be "friends" with her anymore, but I'm not sure how to get out of it. Thoughts? -- EX-FRIEND IN THE EAST
DEAR EX-FRIEND: Continue to respond to her texts less and less frequently. If she asks if you are mad at her, tell her you aren't mad, you are busy. If she wants more detail, tell her you have noticed that she has shown no interest in what your life is like, and to you that's not friendship.
Dog With History of Biting Is Difficult to Place in New Home
DEAR ABBY: My mother is getting up in years. Because of a multitude of health problems, she will soon have to enter a nursing home. She currently lives in her own home with her dog, "Skippy," and is facing the problem of what to do with Skippy when she has to move.
Skippy has growled at people in the past, including children, and has a brief biting history, which limits Mom's options and makes it impossible for her to bring the dog with her to a group nursing home. We're unable to take Skippy on because we're at our legal limit, according to the laws of our municipality, and we know of no one we can place a dog with such issues with. Any ideas? -- NEEDS A HOME FOR NIPPY SKIPPY
DEAR NEEDS: Contact the dog rescue groups in your area. Perhaps they can locate a home for an older dog -- I assume Skippy is older -- in a household where there are no children. It's regrettable that your mother didn't socialize her pet when it was a puppy, because it would have made it easier to keep Skippy with her.
Pseudonyms Protect the Guilty Along With the Innocent
DEAR ABBY: I have noticed that your letter writers often assign a fictitious name to the person they are writing about. I wonder why they do this. What is the purpose? -- JOHN DOE IN TAMPA
DEAR JOHN: I change all the names in the letters I print. I do this to prevent embarrassment for the letter writer as well as the person who's being complained about.
Fake Flower Prompts Emotional Reaction From Offended Widow
DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law died a month ago and was cremated by the local affiliate of a prominent funeral home. To make it easier for my sister, I accompanied her to the mortuary to pick up her husband's remains. I walked in alone, and as I returned to the car with his urn, a young funeral home employee in a black suit and scuffed shoes followed me. Through the window of the car, he presented my sister an artificial red rose and said, "We're sorry for your loss."
My sister and I were appalled by the insincerity of this gesture, and I called and told the funeral home director that the sentiments were as phony as the rose. He said, "I thought it was a great idea," and couldn't understand our reaction. Were we wrong? -- RESENTING PHONY SENTIMENTS
DEAR RESENTING: Yes, you were. When people are grieving, emotions are sometimes raw, so I'm not going to scold you. However, your response to the young man was ungracious. All that needed to be said was, "No, thank you."
Should Unwanted Gifts Come out of the Closet During Mother-in-Law's Visit?
DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law keeps buying us decorator items that don't have a place in our home. While I appreciate the effort and the thought, I have no more closet space in which to store them. I was taught to accept gifts and express gratitude, even if you don't like them.
My mother-in-law is coming to visit in a few weeks, and my husband insists we should display the items she's purchased for us. This would entail putting holes in my walls, as she tends to get us items that need to be hung. I don't think we should have to go through this charade just to appease her. It will only encourage her to buy us more things. What should I do? -- NO MORE CLOSET GIFTS
DEAR N.M.C.G.: It won't destroy your home to display one (or two) of the items your MIL has given you while she's visiting. But while she's there, make sure she opens the closet where you have stored all the other items she has sent "because she's such a generous doll you can't possibly use them all." When she leaves, sell the gifts or donate them, then pray she takes the hint.
DEAR ABBY: I need your advice. I'm in love with a wonderful man. He says he likes and respects me but does not love me. I desperately want his love, but have agreed to be friends with benefits in the hope that in the future he may come to love me. Should I continue with this, and is there a future for me? -- HOPEFUL IN TELANGANA, INDIA
DEAR HOPEFUL: For many people, liking and respecting someone would make the person a candidate for marriage. The bad news is, the man you care so much about is not one of them. The good news is, there are many eligible, emotionally available men who might value what you have to offer. Time is precious. If you want your future to be a happy one, be glad your friend with benefits has been honest with you, cut your losses and look elsewhere for love.
Military Marriage Suffers From Frequent Separation
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are both active duty military. We have been married for three years and have an 18-month-old daughter together. My husband is sweet, handsome and a great father. We got married very quickly, and I think that's where our problems began.
He isn't good at communication or showing affection, which leaves me feeling lonely. This, on top of being separated several times due to the military, makes for a very shaky marriage. I have cheated on him with eight different people since our wedding. The affair I am most ashamed of was when I was pregnant with our daughter.
I'm currently in counseling, but I'm still unable to curb my cravings. He always forgives me and allows us to continue being married. The problem is, I don't know if he's really the one for me. I know cheating is wrong and that I'm not only hurting him, but my daughter as well.
Should we divorce? Or should we continue trying to be together? We have talked about marriage counseling, but we are separated so much it makes it hard to get into a good groove. -- IS HE THE ONE FOR ME?
DEAR IS HE: I'm glad you're in counseling because it's where you need to be right now. The questions you are asking me are ones you should be raising with your therapist.
Separation is part of a military marriage. I agree that for you and your husband to fix what's wrong with your marriage, he will need to be present and accounted for. I do not think you should make any decision about divorce until he returns from his deployment. But I do think that until he's back, if you cannot "curb your cravings," you should take every precaution you can against STDs.
Man Fears Family Blowback Over Relationship With Younger Woman
DEAR ABBY: I divorced my wife eight years ago. But she still takes every opportunity to make me look bad in front of her family and mine.
I met someone recently, and we care deeply for each other. There are no marriage plans for the future, but I don't want to keep our relationship a secret. I'm reluctant to tell the family about her because of the fallout it may create, and for fear that my son and daughter may prevent me from seeing my grandchildren. My new lady is 19 years my junior, which won't help the situation. I am at a loss about what to do. Can you help? -- PANIC IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR PANIC: Eight years after your divorce it should surprise no one that you have finally met someone. Because your ex-wife's pattern of behavior all this time has been to try to make you look bad, your family should recognize it for what it is -- the reaction of an unhappy and bitter woman who would probably do the same thing even if you entered a monastery.
Live your life and don't let it be ruled by fear. You divorced your ex eight years ago, but fear is the ball and chain by which she still controls you.
DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who uses her elderly mother's handicap placard to park in handicap spots even when her mother is not in the car. My friend is able-bodied. I think this is wrong. Handicap parking spots should be reserved for people who truly need them. When she offers to drive me somewhere, how should I handle it? -- UNSURE IN CLEVELAND
DEAR UNSURE: A way to handle it would be to tell your friend how you feel about what she's doing and refuse to let her park in the handicap zone, or insist on doing the driving.