DEAR ABBY: I'm 37. When I was 32, after having been together for 15 years and married for seven, my wife died suddenly. I grieved, but have finally been able to start thinking about my future.
I recently started dating -- well, one date, to be exact -- and when I mentioned that I was a widower, I immediately saw her interest turn to pure sympathy. I tried to elaborate on it, stating that it had been some time ago and that I'm ready to start the next phase of my life. (I want a family.)
Friends have advised me, "Do not tell women you're a widower until you have been dating for some time," but I find it nearly impossible to talk about my past without mentioning my late wife. She was a major part of my life for almost half of it -- and for all of my adult life, including the last five years she hasn't been here. Is it possible to tell someone that you are a widower and not let her sympathy overwhelm any other emotion? -- YOUNG-ISH WIDOWER IN COLORADO
DEAR WIDOWER: An expression of sympathy is the appropriate reaction when you tell someone a loved one died. What you must avoid is allowing your late wife to be the main topic of conversation, and make an effort to talk about your date's interests, mutual interests and plans for the future.