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by Abigail Van Buren

Husband Wants Long-Lost Sister to Remain That Way

DEAR ABBY: My husband and his sister had a rough childhood in foster care. Long story short, they lost contact for 10 years -- until now. She found us on Facebook and was desperate to know if she had found her brother or not. My husband ignored her. He isn't sure he ever wants to rebuild a relationship with her.

I know that's his decision to make, and if he doesn't want her in his life, that's fine. But I couldn't live with myself if I ignored her, too. I just wanted her to know she could stop looking and wondering if her brother is still alive. So I told her. She was grateful to have some closure and know that he is doing well, and she reassured me that she wouldn't contact him again unless he reaches out to her. Even if they never talk again, I think she deserved to know she had found him.

Now I feel guilty for going behind his back and meddling in things that aren't my business. But I can't imagine spending my whole life searching for a family member, when someone could have been honest with me and given me peace of mind. Did I make a terrible mistake, and should I come clean to my husband about what I did? -- FEELING GUILTY IN GEORGIA

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: You failed to mention the reason for your husband's ambivalence about re-establishing a relationship with his sister. Now that she has found you on Facebook, she can follow his whole life, unless you block her. Whether you made a terrible mistake remains to be seen. If the sister contacts your husband again, you will have to tell him what you did. He may have wanted to protect his privacy. As long as she doesn't, I think you should keep your mouth shut.

Read more in: Family & Parenting | Marriage & Divorce