DEAR ABBY: My wife's first husband died of cancer. When we got engaged years later, she decided to keep his last name (partly in regard to her daughters) and add mine to it. She continues to display some photos of him around the house and maintains her plan to be buried with him at their common gravesite.
Whoever thinks I must be jealous or resentful about this would be wrong. I haven't experienced a long marriage, raising children or nursing a terminally ill spouse for years. Instead of demanding that my wife "prove her love" by ignoring her history, I prove my love for her -- in part -- by deferring to her choices.
Soon after our wedding we learned that I, too, had cancer. My case was treatable and I am now cured, thanks to God in heaven and my wife's tender care.
We once knew someone who couldn't bear to think of his wife's ever marrying after his death. He pleaded, badgered and practically forced her to vow she wouldn't. So this is my message for men who are jealous about a deceased or hypothetical "rival": That is your own choice and it disgraces you. Grow out of it. Be a man and love your wife while you both live. -- LATECOMER IN PASCO, WASH.
DEAR LATECOMER: Your wife is one lucky woman because she married an intelligent and pragmatic man. I hope you enjoy many more happy, healthy years together.