DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old girl and on my way to Navy boot camp. I'm excited about my enlistment, but I have a few troubling distractions.
The first is my mother, "Dana." I moved in with my dad a year and a half ago, and it has been an amazing, positive change. But any contact I have with Dana or my grandmother screws me up majorly. I become mopey, have a bad attitude, and I'm just an all-around bad person to be around. This upsets my dad and my stepmom, "Ashley," whom I consider to be my true mom, because it affects them and my three sisters.
They say I need to forgive and let go, since obviously I won't get an apology from Dana for how she raised and treated me. What I need is advice on how to forgive and remove her from my life without hurting her feelings or making it worse at home. -- ON MY WAY TO BOOT CAMP
DEAR ON YOUR WAY: It isn't necessary to forgive a toxic parent. What you need to do is distance yourself from her, which will happen soon as you depart for boot camp. If being around Dana depresses you, see her as little as possible and don't feel guilty about it. Do not demand or expect an apology from her and don't offer one, because separating oneself from someone who mistreated you is healthy.