DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for 17 years, but my father appears to have trouble letting go. Some examples: Although he never wore a wedding ring, he does wear a widower's band, and he tells people he "lost" his wife. Recently, he talked to my brother about getting a tattoo of my mother's name. Suffice it to say, my brother told him it was inappropriate.
My general policy has been to let Dad cope however he likes. I live 400 miles away and my brother still lives physically close to him. I understand that divorce can be traumatic, having lived through theirs as a child as well as my own. Is there any way I can help Dad cope with this?
He is having health problems now. I think they are forcing him to confront his own death, but this has been going on for more than a decade. Lately, I find myself rolling my eyes and laughing it off. But privately, I worry this could be a sign of something worse because it appears to be escalating.
Are there resources for coping with divorce? He won't consider therapy -- I've tried. -- WORRIED DAUGHTER IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR WORRIED DAUGHTER: While I have heard of widowed individuals switching their wedding band to the right hand, the concept of a "widower's band" is new to me. Your father may be ashamed that he is divorced, which is why he prefers to imply that he's widowed.
I agree with you and your brother that the idea of him tattooing your mother's name on his body would have been inappropriate. I do think that you should discuss your concerns about your dad's mental health with your brother because you say his peculiarities seem to be increasing, and he may need a physical and neurological evaluation.